


A Dozen Years Of Blood

by Izzyfandoms, MagicQuill42



Series: Blood Guts and Gore [1]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Angst, Blood, Character Death, Fluff, Human AU, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Injury, Lamp - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Multi, Pre-romantic Emby, serial killer au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2019-09-17 16:24:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 32
Words: 61,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16977960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Izzyfandoms/pseuds/Izzyfandoms, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MagicQuill42/pseuds/MagicQuill42
Summary: (MAIN STORY 1 OF THE BLOOD GUTS AND GORE SERIES)Roman Sanders is a serial killer called the Prince, and he has been for years, killing those he thinks deserve it, without ever telling his three husbands (Logan, Virgil and Patton) and four sons (Thomas, Remy, Emile and Dorian).Things are going well, and everything's kept secret, until, one day, one of his sons, Remy, finds out about his double life... and decides to join him.(This AU is made by both IzzyFandoms and MagicQuill42, and we have a tumblr blog for it (@blood-guts-and-gore-au) and an ask blog (@ask-bgg-au) as well as a discord server that's linked to on our blog)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Read the warnings for this!!! If you cannot handle gore, do not read this fic. If you get upset because of something you were warned about, we're sorry, but that's not our fault.
> 
> That being said, enjoy the story!!!! Check out the tumblr blog, ask blog, and discord server (all spoken about in the summary) if you like, and just be warned... we have planned many stories in this au, there's a lot to come.

Roman stood in the shadows of an alleyway, fiddling with the edges of his red and gold mask as he watched the different groups of people walk by. Most of them were drunk, which made sense, as Roman was standing just beside a bar, but they weren't who he was waiting for. None of them were quite right. That was, until two people, having just left the bar, walked just past the alleyway's entrance.

"Come on, Sweetheart, don't be such a prude." The man said, grabbing the woman's wrist and pulling them both to a stop, drawing Roman's attention.

"No, please..." The woman said, trying in vain to pull away from him.

He only tightened his grip, his brow creasing. "If you didn't want this, you wouldn't have been teasing me for the past half-hour. You owe me this." The man growled, beginning to pull the woman towards the alleyway, ignoring her protests.

Roman ducked down behind a stack of boxes, making sure that the pair wouldn't see him until they were fully in the alley. He adjusted his gloves, so they wouldn't fall off and leave his fingerprints everywhere, and he put his hand on the handle of his sword, ready to unsheathe it when necessary. This man would make the perfect victim.

The man dragged the woman into the alley, before shoving her against the wall just opposite the boxes. Neither of them even noticed Roman crouching there.

Roman smirked, before standing up straight and silently unsheathing his sword, this would be easy. Quickly, before the woman could see him and react, Roman pressed the tip of his sword against the back of the man's neck.

"Turn around, slowly." Roman commanded, using the deeper voice he always used whilst under this alias.

The man did as he was told, holding his hands up in mock surrender, a look of irritation (with a dash of fear) clearly present on his face.

"Who the fuck are you?" He asked, once he was facing Roman.

Roman pouted, lowering his sword slightly."Aww, come on. A man takes a break for only a year, and people suddenly forget about the dozens of murders he'd committed in the eight years prior. What's a guy gotta do for a little bit of recognition?"

The man's eyes widened as he stuttered. "W-wait... are you the-the Prince?"

Roman flashed a dashing smile, holding his sword up highing again, pressing it against the man's throat.

"There we go! Finally, someone remembers me!" Roman glanced around the man, looking at the terrified woman pressed against the wall. "You can go, Ma'am. Just don't tell anyone you saw me, and we won't have any trouble!"

He winked, and she nodded slowly, before sprinting out of the alleyway. Roman then turned to the man, his grin turning much more threatening. "Now... where were we?"

The murder itself only took a few minutes, just a few stabs and slashes here and there and the man bled to death pretty quickly. He could have done it quicker, but that man deserved this punishment.

Roman stepped back to admire his work. He had gotten a bit sloppy recently, there were a few blood splatters on the walls and ground, but, overall, he hadn't made that much of a mess. Now he just had a body to clean up; it was a good thing he had brought a big bag with him.

A few hours later, Roman was home, standing in his kitchen and washing the blood off of his sword. Considering he was covered in blood, holding a sword and wearing the Prince mask (which he had propped up on the top of his head), it was a good thing no one else was awake.

Oh, and there was also the fact that there was a head and torso in the open bag on the counter, the limbs having been dumped in the trash can beside the bar.

Roman finished rinsing his sword, lifting it up to watch it shine in the moonlight from the open window. He dried it slowly, careful not to cut himself, and quietly humming a Disney song as he did so.

Perhaps, if he had been paying more attention, he would have heard the footsteps behind him.

"Papa?"

Roman whirled around to face one of his 12-year-old sons, Remy, whose jaw was dropped as his eyes fixed on the blood, body and sword.

"It's not what it looks like!"  


	2. Chapter One

~~~~TWO YEARS LATER

“He’s just always ten steps ahead of us!” Logan complained angrily, shovelling eggs into his mouth as furiously as someone could manage while also ranting about a serial killer; Patton rubbed his back sympathetically, as the rest of their family watched quietly, slowly eating their own breakfasts. 

Virgil scowled, poking his bacon with his knife as if it had personally offended him. 

“Not to mention his stupid helper,” He grumbled. “The Prince and the Knight… I don’t know how there’s two of them and two of us and yet they still slip through our fingers. If the Knight hadn’t joined, I bet the Prince would have been caught by now.”

Roman patted his gloomy husband’s hand. “It’s okay, baby. He’s just-”

“The scum of the earth?” Virgil supplied. “The worst person I’ve ever had the displeasure of chasing? Or maybe I’m being too kind to him. Would right hand ruler of hell work better?”

Roman frowned.

“That’s not what I was going to say.” He murmured.

He cast a quick glance at Remy, who was looking a little green around the gills. The sunglasses made it hard to tell, but if Roman had to bet money on it, he would say there were tears pricking through the fourteen-year old’s eyes. And if the way Emile was rubbing his back was any indication, they were going to fall soon.

“What I was going to say,” Roman said loudly. “Was that if they are getting away from the two of you, they must be worthy adversaries indeed.”

Logan grumbled something he didn’t catch, but he took it as encouragement to continue.

“I mean, if this Prince fellow is slipping away from the best cops on the force, then he must be intelligent indeed!” He said, watching Remy’s head perk up from the corner of his eye. “Why, I’ll bet he’s handsome, too. He must be if he’s escaping the two of you. Not to mention his little ingénue.”

Dorian’s hand was immediately in the air. “What’s that mean?”

“It’s a word similar to apprentice,” Logan said. “Which means a young person that is being taught a craft by someone. In this case, the Prince teaching the Knight how to kill people, which I shudder to think about. Almost as much as I shudder at the knowledge of where your Papa picked up that word.”

“Phantom of the Opera is incredible, and you can stuff it.” Roman sniffed. “And, like I was saying, the Knight seems to have picked up the… craft fairly quickly. To me, it seems that two of my brilliant husbands are up against an equally brilliant adversary.” 

Virgil squinted at him. “I genuinely can’t tell who you’re complimenting here.”

Roman brushed a hand through Virgil’s hair and gave him his signature winning smile. “Why not both? Gotta admit the two have style!”

Virgil smirked and rolled his eyes. “Whatever. Go stick it in your crime novel, Pretty Boy.”

He stood to put his plate in the sink and Roman stuck his tongue out after him. 

“Don’t think I won’t!” He said. 

“I just don’t get it.” Logan said, more to himself than the rest of the family. “They have both made rather obvious errors in judgement on several occasions. Were it anyone else, I should think they would be caught by now. Entrapped in a jail cell like the cesspool of horror that they are-”

“No dark poetry at the table, love.” Patton chided gently.

“-But for some reason we just cannot find them.” Logan finished. “It’s… frustrating.”

Patton sighed and picked up their plates. “I know, honey-bun. You’ll get ‘em someday, though.”

Logan ran a hand down his face. “I suppose. Virgil, are you prepared for departure?”

“Yeah,” Virgil said, giving Patton a quick peck as he walked back into the dining room. “You ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.” Logan responded, standing.

Roman frowned up at him. “Do I not get a goodbye kiss?”

Logan rolled his eyes, but obliged, giving Roman a swift kiss before he headed for the door. 

“What about mine?” Patton cried from the kitchen.

Logan groaned and set his head against the doorway. After a quick count of four, he turned and walked into the kitchen. He gave Patton a quick kiss, before sharply turning to Virgil. 

“Are you requiring physical affection as well?” He asked.

Virgil shrugged. “Not me, but the kids are lining up for theirs.”

Logan turned, bewildered. Sure enough, all four children were lined up at the door, giggling. Logan dragged a hand down his face in frustration.

“I swear, if this continues to be our morning routine, we will all have to start it five minutes earlier.” He grumbled, moving to kiss each son on the forehead as he walked out the door.

“They’d still find a way to make us late.” Virgil chuckled.

He briefly kissed Roman’s cheek before moving to ruffle their sons’ hair. He was having to stretch a bit more to reach Thomas’ head than he used to, something Roman noted with a small amount of pride. They grow up so fast. 

And then… they slink out of the room and hope no one notices them. 

Roman frowned, eyes tracking Remy out of the room. He followed him, being as discreet as possible, which, given his history, was an incredible amount of stealth and near-silent footfalls. 

Remy turned to him as soon as they were alone, only detecting Roman through the similar skills he also possessed and giving him a somewhat annoyed look. 

“Dad, please stop pretending you’re sneaky.” He said.

Roman huffed. “I’m not pretending; I am sneaky!”

Remy’s face moved as if he’d rolled his eyes, but it was hard to tell. “Yeah, sure you are.” 

“So…” Roman said, shuffling closer. “You wanna tell me what’s on your mind, or do I have to start guessing?”

Remy bit his lip. “Are we… Are Father and Pops gonna hate us? If they catch us… are they gonna hate us?”

Roman immediately wrapped his son in a tight hug. 

“They will never hate you, mi hijo,” He said fiercely. “I don’t think that their hearts are capable of truly hating someone.”

“But they hate the Knight,” Remy said, voice cracking with tears. “And the Prince. Why wouldn’t they-”

“Because you’re their son, Remy.” He said. 

He drew back just enough to see Remy’s face and looked gently into his… sunglasses. But approximately where his eyes should be. 

“There is not a thing on this earth that could make them stop loving you, Remy.” He said. “And that goes double for me. I will always be fighting for you.”

Remy’s lips quirked upwards. “Literally?”

“Literally.” Roman chuckled. 

Remy laughed and scrubbed a hand under his shades. He sniffed a little before giving Roman a quick hug. 

“So,” He said. “Are we going out today?”

Roman nodded, straightening. “I was thinking so, yes. I’ve even got one picked out.”

A wicked smile crossed Remy’s face. “Excellent. Well, let me know our ETA, I gotta go talk to my twin, so TTYL.”

He breezed out of the room, making Roman chuckle. That was his son, alright. No one would have any doubts about that. 

He tapped his chin thoughtfully, it was time to make plans for their afternoon out.

***

Roman reached over and readjusted Remy’s mask. It was so routine by now that he could do it without looking, but he knew from experience that Remy would only make it more crooked if he asked him to stop. 

“Ready?” He asked.

Remy nodded and drew his throwing knives from his tunic. “Ready.”

“Okay, he’s just below us, and there’s a lady with him, so pin his legs before we go down, so she has time to get away.”

Remy rolled his eyes. “Yeah, I know how this works, gurl. Not exactly my first rodeo.”

Roman rolled his eyes before nodding. “Fair enough. Okay… now!”

Remy threw his knives, embedding them in the leg of the man below them. He screamed and the woman he was harassing fled without any further prompting. Roman dropped to the ground as soon as she was out of sight, Remy just behind him. 

Roman shook his head, bordering on disappointment. “Knight, you missed the artery!”

Remy shrugged. “Sorry, Highness. Want me to try again?”

Roman nodded. “Please do.”

Remy stepped forward and yanked the knives out of the man’s leg. He then stepped a little further back down the alley and threw them again, this time hitting the artery. Roman applauded over the screams. 

“Bravo, bravo!” 

Remy bowed with a grin. “Thanks, gurl. I do try.”

“You succeed.” Roman said proudly. “Now, I think we should take the jaw off first, all this screaming is giving me a headache.”

Remy opened his mouth to agree when a shout sounded at the other end of the alley. Without thinking or even looking, Roman whipped out his gun and shot the witness. 

“How’d I do?” He asked.

Remy glanced down at the fresh corpse. “Headshot. Right in the forehead, but a little to the left of dead center.”

“Darn.” Roman said breezily. “I’ll have to work on that, I suppose. At least the screaming stopped.”

Remy wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, but now he’s whimpering.”

Roman looked down at the man with disgust. “Ugh. Knight let’s show this man a true fear special. I think he’s a special friend kinda case.”

Remy nodded and pulled out a bowie knife decorated in David Bowie stickers. Patton would be proud if he ever found out. Probably immediately followed by shock and horror but eh. C’est la vie. 

“Please,” The man on the ground begged. “Please I have a wife. And- And kids.”

Roman looked down at him with disdain, drawing his sword slowly. “Then you really should have thought of that before you tried to ruin that poor woman’s life. Even barring the fact that it makes you a despicable human being, our MO is well established by now. Rapists and horrible people are our prey. Today, you just so happen to be the unlucky jerk wad who decided to be one.”

***

The murder and clean up went as quick as they always did. The tricky part was honestly leaving what they needed for the black-market whole. Between the two of them they tended to leave everything in ribbons. 

They managed it though, and after a quick disagreement on who should sign it, Remy left their insignia on the corpse’s forehead, with “The Knight” in a fancy scrawl underneath. 

With the chosen limbs safely tucked in the bunker for storage, they cleaned up themselves, dried off, and were home in time for supper. 

Patton smiled pleasantly at them and set down the pot roast he’d made.

“You two have fun out today?” He asked. 

“Oh, lots!” Roman said. “Although I think a certain someone needs practice with his colour coordination.”

Remy rolled his eyes. “I got it right the second time, lay off already.”

“If you are going to manage my novel empire, you are going to have to make those kinds of mistakes go down to zero, chinche pequeña.” Roman tutted. 

Patton’s fond laugh was cut off by the door slamming open. All eyes turned to see Logan glowering in the doorway, Virgil just behind him. Both their faces were ashen and grim.

“If you all will excuse me,” Logan growled. “I think tonight is a working dinner. I shall be in our room.”

He stomped up the stairs, leaving the rest of them confused and a little bit scared. Roman stood and turned to Virgil, taking his husband’s hands in his own.

“What happened?” He asked.

His eyes drifted to the kids. Luckily, Thomas seemed to get the message and quickly herded his younger siblings out of the room. Roman gently guided Virgil’s chin to look back at him. 

Virgil swallowed hard. “Our precinct was doing a sweep for victims, block by block. A lot of people were sick this week, so we were short, some people had to go solo and…”

“My love, what can I kill for you?” He asked tenderly.

Virgil barked out a laugh that sounded more like a sob. “I-Ironic you should say that. Because… Steve- Steve had to go solo. He stopped responding. By the time we got there he was already cold. And just a little way was a body marked by the Knight. They… they killed him.”

Virgil looked up at Roman, tears brimming in his eyes. “Sergeant Steve Cooke is dead.”


	3. Chapter Two

_“Sergeant Steve Cooke is dead.”_

Roman’s heart plummeted in his chest as he watched the first tears drip down Virgil’s face. The witness he had shot earlier... that must have been him. Roman hadn’t realised... he should have realised.

Whilst Roman was frozen, Patton immediately rushed forwards to wrap his arms around Virgil, kissing his forehead and using his thumb to wipe away the tears.

"That’s terrible!" Patton exclaimed. "If there’s anything we can do, just let us know, okay?" Virgil put his head on Patton’s shoulder as he continue. "Do you want to eat dinner with us? Or do you want to eat with Logan?"

"Logan..." Virgil mumbled into Patton’s shoulder.

"Okay. Do you want to go now?"

Virgil nodded slowly, staying in the hug for a few more moments, before pulling away.

Before he could move any further, Roman stepped forward, placing a soft kiss on his husband’s forehead and quietly saying. "I’m sorry this happened."

"It’s okay, it’s not your fault." Virgil mumbled, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt, before he gave Patton and Roman small smiles and walked out of the room.

There were a few beats of silence before Patton turned to Roman.

"Well, dinner’s on the table, we don’t want it getting cold. Can you get the kids and get the to set the table while I find some trays to bring up to Virge and Lo?"

"Okay." Roman said, before turning and walking up the stairs.

He reached their bedroom, pausing for a moment beside it as he listened to Logan ranting from inside. Roman couldn’t make out many of the words, but he got that the general gist of the conversation was about the Prince. He would have to find out their plans later, as now wasn’t really the time for that.

Roman walked passed that room, and moved to open Remy and Emile’s bedroom door, but he stopped when he heard a thump and a yelp from the next room along, Thomas’ room. The door was already ajar, so Roman immediately pushed it open.

Inside were all four of his kids; Thomas, Emile and Remy were all sitting on the bed, next to a handful of scattered playing cards, and Dorian was on the floor, having obviously just fallen off.

"Uh, is everything okay in here? What happened?"

The 11-year-old giggled. "Nothing, Papa."

A smile began to creep its way onto Roman’s face as he leant against the doorway. "Oh, really? Then why are you on the floor?"

"No reason..." Dorian said, the giggles continuing.

"He fell off showing us some new card tricks he just learnt." Remy said, and Dorian looked up and pouted at him.

"Hey, no fair-" Dorian started, before he was interrupted by Roman.

"Hey now, no fighting." Roman said, stepping forward and holding out his hand to Dorian.

Dorian took it and jumped up, dusting himself off before turning and sticking his tongue out at Remy.

"So, you learnt some more tricks?" Roman interjected, and Dorian spun around to face him, his eyes lighting up.

"Yeah! Wanna see?"

"I’d love to! But later, okay? It’s time for dinner." Roman said, and before he could say anything else, Remy jumped up and yelled.

"Last one downstairs has to help wash up!"

Thomas and Emile immediately scrambled off the bed and the two of the them and Dorian bolted out of the room. Remy, however, didn’t move, and instead turned to Roman.

"What’s wrong with Pops and Father? Did something happen?"

Roman hesitated, unsure of whether he should tell Remy the truth or not. But after a moment of silence, he sighed. Remy would probably find out anyway, Roman might as well tell him now.

"Well, uh... do you remember the witness I shot earlier?" Roman said, lowering his voice.

Remy nodded slowly, his brow creased.

"Well... it turns out he was a cop; he was a cop who worked with Logan and Virge." Roman ran a hand through his hair. "They’re, uh, pretty upset about it."

"Oh..." Remy trailed off, looking down at his feet. "Which, uh... which cop was it?"

"His name was Steve Cooke, I think you’ve met him a couple times? I knew he looked familiar, I just didn’t realise..."

The duo was silent for a moment. It was rare for them to feel guilty after a kill, although it had happened a few times in the past. They didn’t really like killing innocent people, although it was sometimes necessary.

"Remy, Roman, Emile, come down, it’s time for dinner!" Patton shouted from downstairs, making Remy and Roman jump.

The duo glanced at each other before turning and pushing the door open, their eyes widening when they spotted Emile standing by the staircase, leaning against the banister.

"Uh... hey, Em... what are you doing here?" Remy said slowly, running a hand through his hair.

Emile looked up and smiled at his twin. "Oh, hey! I was just waiting for you two."

"Did you, uh, hear anything we were talking about?" Roman asked cautiously.

"No, why?"

Roman breathed a small sigh of relief; if Emile had uncovered their secret... well, the consequences wouldn’t have been great.

Roman smiled, moving to put a hand on his sons’ shoulders. "Well, we’d better get downstairs, eh? Otherwise dinner’s gonna get cold."

Remy and Emile nodded before they both ran down the stairs, Remy almost slipping as he turned the corner and entered the dining room, but he just about caught himself in time. By the time that Roman entered the dining room, all four of his children were sitting at the table, Emile and Remy on one side, Thomas and Dorian on the other, and Patton was standing beside them.

"Haha, Papa’s washing up!" Dorian giggled, and Roman gave him an amused but confused look.

"What?"

"Remy said that the last one downstairs is on the washing up, and that’s you!"

Roman blinked in surprise, before glancing at Patton, who just shrugged, giving him a wry smile.

"Well, you were the last one down, Sweetheart."

Roman pouted. "Oh, okay, fine. I guess I’ll do the washing up... all by myself." He moved over to where Patton was standing, leaning on him and placing the back of his hand over his eyes. "I’m so wounded, so lonely, so unloved, no one wants to help me..."

After he trailed off, he listened for a few moments, waiting for someone to respond. When no one did, he removed his hand, and found that his whole family was watching him and trying not to laugh.

Roman pouted even more, before standing up straight and pulling out the nearest chair, which was next to Thomas. He sat down, laying his head against the table and stretching his arms out, almost knocking over Thomas’ glass of orange juice.

"Papa! Stop being dramatic, I’m hungry!" Dorian giggled, leaning over Thomas and poking Roman’s arm.

"Papa! Stop being dramatic, I’m hungry!" Dorian giggled, leaning over Thomas and poking Roman’s arm.

Roman sat up and huffed.

"Okay, fine." He said, drawing out the last word much longer than necessary.

"Well, now that that’s over," Patton laughed, bumping Roman’s shoulder before walking around to sit opposite him, next to Emile. "Let’s dig in."

The next few minutes were spent in silence as the family began eating, but five minutes into the meal, Dorian spoke up.

"So," He said, looking up at Patton. "Where’s Pop and Father? Why are they eating with us?"

Patton and Roman glanced at each other, unsure of what to say. Patton gave Roman at slightly helpless look, as the question had been directed at him, but Roman just shrugged in response.

"Uh..." Patton said, realizing all eyes were on him. "Something... bad... happened today, so they’re eating upstairs and working, it’s best we just leave them to it."

"What happened?" Thomas asked, the 16-year-old curious as to why his father had looked so angry and his pop had looked so upset."What happened?" Thomas asked, the 16-year-old curious as to why his father had looked so angry and his pop had looked so upset.

Patton glanced at Roman again, quickly realizing he wouldn’t be getting any help from him, and looking back at Dorian, sighing. "One of their co-workers passed away earlier today."

Dorian gasped, eyes wide. "Was it the Prince? Did he kill them?"

Patton raised his eyebrows, putting down his cutlery. "How did you know that?"

"Well, you said they’re doing work upstairs, and they only ever work from home if it’s on the prince case." Dorian said in a serious tone of voice, although he was obviously proud that he’d figured that out.

"Well, you’re right." Patton conceded, before giving all four of his children slightly stern looks. "And you aren’t to bother them, okay? Leave them alone."

"Why?"

"Because they’re quite upset about it, and we don’t want to upset them more by disturbing their work."

"Oh." Dorian looked down at his plate, and Thomas and Remy both shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Everyone was quiet for the next few moments.

"Steve didn’t deserve this." Emile said, looking up and breaking the silence.

"What?" Dorian asked, tilting his head to the left.

"Steve, the one who died, he didn’t deserve this. He was a good guy." Emile picked up his fork, poking at the food left on his plate. "It’s weird, the Prince and the Knight don’t usually hurt people like that. Don’t they usually kill bad people?"

"Well, yeah." Roman interjected, sitting up straighter. "That’s their whole thing, right? Only really killing people who deserve it." Patton looked up, giving Roman a slightly odd look as he continued. "This guy was probably just at the wrong place at the wrong time."

There were a few more beats of silence before Thomas spoke up. "So... Steve... was he that guy who gave us cookies that one time? That’s the only Steve from Pop and Father’s work that I remember."

Dorian sat up straighter. "Oh, that Steve! I like him, he’s nice." Then, when he remembered the context of the conversation, he slouched again. "Oh... well, he was nice, I guess."

The tension in the air was thick, and everyone was quiet for a minute, eating their food slowly. That was, until Roman decided to speak up, cutting the tension and lightening the mood.

"So, uh, Dorian, what... new card tricks have you been learning?"

Dorian perked up. "Oh! Well, I’ve been practicing lots lately, but most of them are the ‘is this your card’ type tricks, you know?"

"They’re actually pretty cool." Thomas piped up, and Dorian turned to beam at him.

Patton smiled. "Well, you can show us some after dinner, okay?"

Dorian nodded enthusiastically and began to rapidly resume eating his dinner.

"Slow down, kiddo, there’s no rush."

Dorian reluctantly did as he was told, and the family continued eating dinner, making small talk about their days and avoiding the previous topic of conversation.

***

"Is this your card?" Dorian said to Emile, holding up the Queen of Clubs.

"Yeah!" Emile said, smiling as Dorian grinned.

"How did you do that?" Thomas asked.

"A magician never reveals his secrets." He replied slyly, putting the card back into the deck and shuffling them again.

The family was still seated at the dinner table, but all the dishes had been cleared away and washed (by everyone, not just Roman). In their places were a plate of cupcakes, most had been eaten, and a deck of cards.

"So, is that what you want to be when you grow up?" Patton asked. "A magician?"

"Hmm..." Dorian slowed down his shuffling, looking in thought. "Maybe... I’m not really sure yet...”

Just as he was about to start another card trick, the door to the hallway opened, and Virgil and Logan walked inside, holding their (mostly) clear plates from dinner.

"Father! Pop!" Dorian exclaimed, putting the cards down and grinning at them. "Look, I’ve been learning some new card tricks! Wanna see?"

"Sure." Virgil said, handing his plate to Logan and moving to sit down at the end of the table, between Remy and Dorian.

Logan walked into the kitchen to place the plates in the sink, before walking back to the table and sitting down at the other end, opposite Virgil and between Patton and Roman.

Once Dorian had finished shuffling his cards, he held them in one hand, spreading them and holding them out to Virgil.

"Pick one, don’t show me what it is."

Virgil did as he was told, picking a card and glancing at it for a moment before placing it face down on the table.

"Oh! You can show it to Remy, if you like." Dorian added, so Virgil quickly did that, before placing the card back down.

Dorian then picked the card up, careful not to see which one it was, and mixing it back into the pack. After doing a few more (probably unnecessary) things with the pack, he pulled a certain card out, the King of Spades.

"Is this your card?"

"Yeah, how did you do that?" Virgil asked, and Dorian was about to reply with the same response as before, when Logan spoke up.

"It’s quite simple actually, first you-" He began, stopping when Patton elbowed him, giving him a pointed look. "What? Oh- I- uh, I mean... that trick is impossible, however did you do it?"

Dorian giggled, before shuffling the deck and holding it out to Thomas. As the kids continued to play with the cards, Roman turned to Logan.

Dorian giggled, before shuffling the deck and holding it out to Thomas. As the kids continued to play with the cards, Roman turned to Logan.

"So, did you have any new evidence for the Prince case? Or any new ideas? You guys were upstairs for while."

"We have a few new plans." Virgil said, and Roman turned to look at him, looking interested. "But we can talk about this later, when the kids have gone to bed."

Roman looked as if he was about to respond, but he was interrupted by Dorian shouting suddenly, making everybody jump.

"That’s it! I know what I’m gonna do when I’m older!"

Patton blinked a few times in surprise before asking, "And what’s that?"

"I’m gonna be a cop!" Dorian exclaimed excitedly. "And I’m gonna help Pop and Father catch the Prince!"

"And the Knight." Remy added. "Don’t forget that he exists too."

"Well, I’d like to hope that we would have caught them by then." Logan said, before smiling slightly. "But it’s a nice thought, Dorian."

"Well, you never know." Roman said. "The Prince has been around for almost a dozen years so far, he could be around for a lot longer before he’s caught."

Virgil gave him a pointed look before saying, "We will catch him, and we’ll make sure he’s punished for all the innocent lives he’s ended."

"Most of them weren’t innocent..." Roman mumbled under his breath.

"What was what?" Logan asked.

"Oh, uh, nothing.” He paused for a moment before continuing. “I was just about to say that we’ll be by your side as you do." Roman said, making eye contact with Remy for a moment. "Every step of the way."


	4. Chapter Three

Normally, waking up was a pleasant affair for Roman. Not that he liked being dragged back to consciousness, but he, Emile, and Dorian were the only morning people in the family, which meant that he had a few long and precious minutes to watch his husbands: to watch their faces, smoothed out of any worries as the morning light slowly filtered through the bedroom window, to enjoy the sight of them before everyone else woke up and they started in on the coffee pot that was big enough to fuel an army, to just _be_ for a few minutes in the day.

The key word in that soliloquy being ‘normally’.

Today, he awoke not to the gentle breaths of his true loves, but to the bed being bounced on by an over-eager eleven-year-old.

“Dads, dads, dads!” Dorian cheered, voice entirely too chipper to be properly awake. “It’s take us to work day! Get up! Get up! Get up, we’re going to work with you!”

Roman rolled onto his back to face him, making Patton groan as his weight shifted away. He rubbed his arm sympathetically and gave Dorian a small smile.

“We’ll be up in just a few, serpiente bebé,” He said. “Just give your dads a few minutes to wake up, okay? Be out in a moment.”

Dorian wrinkled his nose. “But I wanna go now!”

“Well, everyone needs to be up for that, little prince.” Roman said. “Can I entrust you with a mighty quest?”

Dorian’s eyes widened and he nodded eagerly.

“First, I need you to make sure all your brothers are awoken. And then I need you to press the start button on the coffee maker. Can you do that for me?” Roman asked.

Dorian beamed and raced out of the room. Roman took that as a yes and chuckled a little.

He started to get up, but a pair of arms wound around his waist, keeping him in place. He rolled his eyes and ran a hand through Virgil’s hair.

“We have to get up, my love,” He said. “We signed all the forms and promised the kids they could go with us today.”

Virgil groaned sleepily. “Don’ wanna.”

“I know, baby.” Roman said. “But I for one don’t want to see Dorian’s face if you tell him he can’t go to the station after all.”

Virgil groaned again, but let go of him in favor of cuddling Logan, who was still asleep like the solid rock that he was. Roman snorted at the sight. Once Logan was asleep, he would remain so through almost anything. It would be rather like sleeping with a log if he didn’t automatically snuggle with anything against his chest.

“‘ave fun with that,” Patton said, voice slurred by sleep. “‘m a house-husband, so I get to sleep.”

Virgil made a sound that almost sounded like a growl, to which Patton retaliated by rolling over, most of the blankets in tow. Roman laughed and pressed a quick kiss to Patton’s forehead.

“You sleep well, precious,” He said softly. “Take today for yourself, okay?”

Patton hummed happily and Roman let him drift back to sleep. He turned back to his other side and started poking Logan in the face.

After around a million prods to the cheek Logan awoke with a start. He stared at Roman, eyes unfocused, both from sleep and the lack of his glasses.

“R’man?” He asked. “‘t’s goin’ on?”

Roman smiled fondly. “Time to get up, darling. It’s take your child to work day. You guys promised to take almost all of the boys to the station with you.”

Logan lifted a hand to his eyes and scrubbed them half heartedly. “M’kay. Jus… just a minute.”

He started to slip back to sleep and Roman poked him again. This went on for a few minutes before Logan reluctantly got up. Virgil whined pitifully and Roman arranged him so that even when they got up Virgil would be able to koala-cling to him.

With a great deal of reluctance on some parts, they trudged into the kitchen, Virgil all but attached to Roman’s back.

“Ew,” He heard Remy say. “Pops, stop being gross.”

Virgil glared at him playfully and gave Roman’s cheek a sloppy kiss. Remy fake-retched, which made Thomas and Emile laugh. Dorian looked at them eagerly.

“When are we leaving?” He asked, practically bouncing up and down on his chair

“As soon as your Father and Pops are able to think in a straight line.” Roman said.

“That’s gonna take awhile.” Remy said. “I don’t think they’ve ever thought in a straight line.”

“Eh, I think Pops gets bi,” Emile joked. “Dad can pan things out most of the time, and Father can ace-ess most situations. But Papa? Papa’s just gay.”

The table erupted into giggles. Roman rolled his eyes and started making Virgil’s coffee.

“Anygay,” He said. “Have you four decided who’s going with who?”

Thomas shrugged. “I think everyone under fifteen is going to the police station. I was thinking of going with you so I don’t have to worry about herding them.”

Roman nodded. “Astute. You’re in luck, too. I’ve got a book signing today, which is slightly more glamorous than sitting in a room and trying to corral ideas into a paragraph.”

Thomas chuckled. “Anything else on our agenda?”

“Not much, but I think I can swing you a tour of the publishing office before we have to go to the signing.” Roman said. “Actually, now that I think about it, I might need to stop there anyway and give Dolores my rough outline.”

Virgil snorted lightly, untangling himself just enough to get his coffee. Roman rolled his eyes.

“Yes, thank you. I am well aware of how you feel about her.” Roman said.

“She’s a witch.,” Virgil said. “I think her glasses are the only think keeping everyone she looks at alive and out of her potions. I also would not be surprised to find out she breathes fire.”

Dorian gave them a worried look. “Papa, is she gonna kill you?”

Roman laughed, both at the idea of anyone being able to do so, and the thought that his four-foot-nine editor would do so. Not that he’d put it past her if he missed another deadline. The woman was fearsome.

“I guarantee,” He laughed. “Ms. Windon is not going to be kicking my bucket anytime soon.”

               ***

“Roman Sanders!” A throaty voice exclaimed. “I am going to kill you!”

Roman laughed nervously and put on his most charming smile. “Dolores! You are looking splendid this morning.”

She snarled up at him, eyes spitting fire. “Don’t you try and sweet talk me, mister! You were supposed to have that on my desk yesterday.”

Roman smiled meekly. “Well, I uh… It’s here now?”

He held out the outline and Dolores snatched it out of his hands. She peered at it, before giving him another dagger-glare.

“You can’t let this keep happening, Roman,” She said sharply. “We’re a day behind, now. I’ll have to look this over twice as quickly to make up for lost time.”

“It’s nothing less than I know you are capable of doing with grace and dignity.”

He bowed low and she gave him a flat look. He straightened and chuckled awkwardly. He could handle criminals. The worst of humanity were no problem and would easily be felled by his sword and quick wit.

His editor? Absolutely the most terrifying person on the planet.

“Uh… have you met my eldest son before?” He asked, slowly pushing Thomas forwards. “This is Thomas, it’s the district’s take your child to work day, and he chose hanging out with me over going to the awfully droll police station.”

Dolores rolled her eyes. “Kid, blink twice if this man is holding you hostage to get out of work.”

Roman spluttered, but Thomas only laughed.

“No ma’am,” He said. “Unfortunately, the paperwork that makes me stuck with him went through eight years ago. But he comes with three others, so it all balances out.”

Roman pouted. “Well, if you’re going to be rude, I’ll just drop you off at the house and you can see what your dad does all day.”

Dolores laughed. “You’re Virgil’s kid, alright. Not sure what you get from this loser, but it’s good to know the others are influencing you too.”

Roman sniffed. “I will have you know that he gets a great deal from me. His creativity, his love of theater, his singing voice-”

“My gay.” Thomas joked.

Dolores chuckled. “Yeah. Well just don’t become too much like him. Roman,” She squinted at him with the look that made him want to shrink into his boots. “If I find a single musical theater reference in this I’m chucking my copy of The Riverside Shakespeare at your head.”

Roman’s eyes widened. “Duly noted.”

She nodded sharply and shooed them out of her office. Thomas started laughing almost as soon as they were out the door.

“I can see why Pops is scared of her,” He chuckled. “She’s scary enough to give his teenage years a run for their money.”

Roman nodded. “You have no idea. Quite honestly she’s the one person on earth who actually scares me.”

Thomas looked at him curiously. “What about demons and/or the Demogorgon?”

Roman smirked in amusement. “I said people, Thomathy.”

“Fair, fair. What about…” Thomas tapped his chin thoughtfully. “The Prince?”

Had he any less self control Roman might have laughed. As it was, he only smiled.

“Please. I am far more scared of his protégé,” He said. “And besides, he’s never hurt people as common as I am without good reason.”

“Papa, you’re a nationally famous crime novel writer,” Thomas deadpanned. “Not to mention you’re married to three other men, two of which are hunting down a serial killer. There is not a single common fiber in your body.”

Roman shrugged, relenting. “A fair point. Look at it this way: The Prince can’t kill me just like The Zodiac Killer can’t kill Ted Cruz. If all the fingers are pointed at a public figure, no one will look in the right direction.”

Thomas’ brows furrowed and he looked at Roman quizzically. “Papa… you do know that that’s not how that works, right. Also that’s just a meme. About Ted Cruz actually being the Zodiac Killer.”

“I think I know my memes, estrella.” Roman said breezily. “Now then, lunch and a book signing?”

Thomas sighed resignedly. “Sure. Can we grab some pizza?”

               ***

“I just wanted to tell you that Corri Penman is my hero,” The fan gushed. “They helped me find a part of myself and really come into who I am. They’re… They’re just incredible and all I ever hope to be.”

Roman’s heart warmed and he smiled at them as he passed back their copy of his first book, A Dozen Years of Blood.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that.” He said. “I’m glad so many people are able to find themselves in someone I created.”

They beamed at him before letting the next person in line walk up.

“You really are living the dream, huh?” Thomas asked, handing him another red pen.

Roman chuckled. “The writing may be hard, but this? This makes it all worth it.”

“Mister Sanders,” The next fan asked shyly. “Could I get you to sign this so I can win a bet?”

She handed him a printout of an online post. He was familiar with the topic of it, a joke theory about him being the Prince, but it looked like this was the original post, which he absolutely had not seen before.

He signed it without a second of hesitation.

“I’m always down for petty gestures.” He said. “Do you want a picture with it too?”

               ***

“Papa!” Dorian launched himself into Roman’s arms as soon as he was through the door. “We saw a bunch of people in a cell and Pops had to make them be quiet so Father took us this room full of boxes and showed us how to file evidence and then Remy got bored so we got lunch at this bread place and Emile almost got sick but he didn’t so Father took him home and Pops had to go to a crime scene so he left me and Remy with a secretary lady and she took us to a shooting range and Remy was really really bad but she said I was good and then Pops got back and got mad at her so he took us home early but we ran by Starbucks so Remy would stop complaining and we had a lot of fun!”

Roman laughed at the rush of words. “Really? You did all that?”

Dorian nodded. “Oh, and! I showed my card tricks to Mister Chief Licuadora and he said he really liked them.”

“That sounds amazing, pequeños fideos.” Roman said. “Is Emile okay?”

Remy shrugged, looking bored. “He’s chill. Just didn’t know that his soup had gluten noodles in it ‘til his stomach started hurting. I told him to double check, but no…”

Remy took a long sip from his drink and Dorian bounced a little in Roman’s arms.

“Well, it sounds like you two had fun today. Remy, what about you?” Roman asked.

Remy shrugged, but seemed to catch the double meaning nonetheless.

“It was painfully boring and I didn’t see a single interesting thing outside the gun range,” He quipped. “Which Pops came along and ruined.”

“And a good thing too!” Virgil said. “You guys don’t need to be around a bunch of guns just yet. That’s the whole reason Father and I leave them at the station.”

Remy rolled his eyes. “Whatevs. I’m gonna go check on Eight-Mile.”

“Oh, me too!” Dorian said, wriggling to be let down. “I wanna ask Thomas about the Dragon-Witch lady!”

Roman laughed lightly and set him on the ground. As soon as both children were out of the room he wrapped an arm around Virgil’s waist and pressed a kiss to his lips. Virgil hummed appreciatively and kissed back before drawing away enough to talk.

“Did you two have fun today?” Virgil asked. “Or did the “Dragon-Witch” slay you both with her fiery eyes?”

Roman hummed. “I’d much rather talk about slaying you. But we had a good time, yes.”

Virgil chuckled. “Good.”

“How about you?”

He groaned. “The two of them are a handful, not gonna lie. I think Remy was bored most of the day, but Dorian had fun. He’s definitely Logan’s kid though.”

“Oh?” Roman asked. “How so?”

“He liked the evidence locker,” Virgil said, disbelief evident in his voice. “The evidence locker, Roman. The most boring place in the station and you’d think it was Six Flags based on the way he acted.”

“Aw,” Roman cooed. “He just got excited. You guys are his heroes, after all.”

“No, Logan’s just infecting our child with his boring.” Virgil said.

Roman laughed. “Well, I’ll be sure to tell him that. Come on, I think Patton and Emile made a nice pot roast for supper. We can talk about Logan being boring while we eat.”

               ***

Patton gently prodded a half awake Dorian in the side.

“Movie’s over, kiddo.” He said softly. “Time for little baby snakes to go to bed.”

Dorian protested a little, but let Roman pick him up from the couch and move him to his bed. He tucked him in and moved out of the way so his husbands could take turns kissing him goodnight.

They all shuffled out and Roman leaned down for his turn.

“Goodnight pequeña serpiente,” He whispered.

Dorian smiled up at him and gently drifted off to sleep. Roman smiled back at him and quietly left the room.

He jumped back at the sight of a dark figure in the hall. He squinted a moment, waiting for all his internal organs to find their proper locations while his eyes adjusted.

“Emile?” He asked softly. “What are you doing here in the dark?”

Emile bit his lip, hesitating. “Papa… do you think… would anything ever be able to tear us apart? Like, as a family?”

Roman blinked. “What’s brought this on?”

Emile shrugged helplessly. “Just… thinking.”

Roman paused, trying to think of the most honest answer possible.

“Well,” He said slowly. “I can’t promise nothing will ever tear us apart. After all, a lot of things can and probably will happen. But I like to think… well, I like to hope that we’ll always come back to each other. I know I, for one, will never stop loving your dads. Or any one of you.”

Emile considered this a moment before nodding.

“Okay,” He said simply.

He reached out his arms and Roman pulled him into a tight hug. If he had his way, Roman would keep all seven of them tucked inside there forever, safe and loved and never alone. He would settle for moments like this, though.

“You come to me if you have these kinds of worries, okay?” He said. “Or one of your other dads or someone. Just don’t let them sit in your head, okay mi torta?”

Emile laughed lightly. “Steven Universe, nice.”

“Emile, promise me.” Roman said sternly.

“No, I promise, Papa.” Emile said.

“Good.” Roman squeezed him a little tighter. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”


	5. Chapter Four

“Let’s go on a walk!“ Patton exclaimed, standing with his hands on his hips in front of his family, who were all reclining on the sofas in the living room.

Logan glanced up from his book (a murder mystery, as usual). "What was that, Patton?”

“We should go on a walk! You know, as a family! We live right next to a forest, we should go there. Plus, school just started up again, so we’re not gonna be able to spend as much time together as a family.”

Dorian jumped up from where he was sitting between Virgil and Logan, almost knocking the book out of Logan’s hands. “Yeah! Let’s go!”

Patton smiled, before looking expectantly at the rest of his family.

“Well, that sounds like a marvellous idea, my love!” Roman exclaimed from where he was sitting on the second sofa, between Emile and Remy. “Why don’t we bring a picnic too?”

Patton’s eyes lit up. “Yes, that’s a great idea! We can bring some of the cookies me and Thomas made!”

“Thomas and I.” Logan corrected, as he reached onto the coffee table to grab his bookmark.

“ _You_ didn’t make the cookies, silly!” Patton teased, giggling when Logan looked back at him in slight irritation.

“Come on Dad!” Dorian said, grabbing Patton’s hand and starting to drag him in the direction of the kitchen. “Let’s make the picnic, so we can go soon!”

“Okay, okay, I’m coming.” Patton said, giving the rest of his family another smile before following his youngest son.

A few quiet moments passed after Patton had left, but the silence was soon interrupted by Logan standing up, carefully placing his book on the table, and glancing over his family. He gave a light sigh when his eyes landed on Thomas, who was sitting sideways on the armchair, scrolling through his phone.

“Why are none of my sons ever able to sit straight?” He asked rhetorically.

“’Cos none of us are able to even _be_ straight, Father.” Thomas joked, and Remy and Emile snorted, neither of them were sitting straight either. Remy were sitting sideways, with his legs across both Roman and Emile’s laps, and even Emile was sitting at a slight angle, his legs tucked in beside him.

“Yeah, and, like, telling us to sit straight is, like, _super_ homophobic.” Remy said in a slightly serious-sounding voice, even though he was clearly joking.

Logan gave him a blank stare as the rest of his family laughed, before he just sighed. “You’re all insufferable.”

“Aww, but you love us anyway.” Roman teased, getting up, getting complaints from Remy as he moved his legs, and placing a quick kiss on Logan’s lips.

“Eww! Get a room, you two.” Remy exclaimed, his nose wrinkling.

“Yeah.” Virgil said. “Gross.”

Roman glanced over Logan’s shoulder, smirking slightly at Virgil, who was sitting with his arms crossed.

“Are you just jealous that you didn’t get kissed?” Roman asked, teasing.

Virgil glared half-heartedly at him, not responding.

Roman rolled his eyes before grinning and holding his hand out. “Come here, storm-cloud.”

Virgil glared at the hand for a moment before grabbing it and pulling himself up. Immediately after he did so, Logan and Roman kissed his cheeks.

“Eww…” Remy complained again, although they knew that he was mostly just joking.

“Aww, are you jealous too?” Roman laughed, turning around to look at him.

“Ugh, no.”

Virgil rolled his eyes and Roman moved to ruffle Remy’s hair, planting a quick kiss on the squirming boy’s forehead. He then did the same to Emile and Thomas, who both smiled.

“There, now we’ve all had kisses!” Roman exclaimed, putting his hands on his hips and grinning.

“Not me!” They heard Dorian exclaim from the doorway.

They all turned towards the door and saw Patton and Dorian standing there. Patton was holding the picnic basket, and Dorian was standing in front of him, the blanket rolled up and tucked under his arm.

Roman mock-gasped loudly. “Well, that won’t do!” Dorian giggled as Roman opened his arms. “C’mere.”

Dorian ran up to Roman, who picked up and planted many tiny kisses across his forehead, nose and cheeks.

“Is that enough, little prince?”

Dorian giggled, but Virgil wrinkled his nose at the nickname.

“What, don’t like the nickname?” Roman asked, turning to properly face Virgil, still holding Dorian.

“Yeah, it just reminds me of the Prince, that’s all.”

“Hmm…” Roman pondered, tapping his chin, thinking up a new nickname. After a moment, his eyes lit up and he smiled. “What about little Baron? It’s still a royal title, but it’s not ‘prince’.”

Dorian gasped. “I love it!”

Roman glanced back at Virgil. “What do you think of the new nickname, my dark-and-stormy-knight?”

Virgil gave him a flat look.

“Okay, no knight-themed nicknames either, that makes sense. Well, guess I’ll just stick to ‘emo nightmare’ then.” Before Virgil could respond, Roman turned to Patton and continued. “So, we gonna go now?”

“Yup, just one more thing before we can go.” Patton said, smiling.

“What’s that?” Roman asked.

Patton walked forward and pressed a quick kiss to Roman’s lips. “There, now we can go.”

***

“Look, Dad, that tree is enormous!” Dorian exclaimed, looking up at a large tree in wonder. “It’s gotta be, like, the biggest tree in the world!”

Patton smiled, coming up behind Dorian and putting his hand on his shoulder. “Wow, you’re right, kiddo! That tree is ex- _tree_ -mely big.”

Logan groaned. “No.”

Patton put his hands on his hips and turned to face Logan, pouting. “Logan, if you don’t like my puns, then you can just _leaf_.”

“Stop.”

“Well, I suppose I should branch out a bit more, when it comes to the jokes I make, but I love puns. They’re _pun_ -derful.”

“Don’t.”

“Aww, Lo, are you _grass_ -king me to stop?”

“Yes.”

Patton paused for a moment before smiling, stepping towards Logan and pressing a light kiss to the tip of his nose. “Okay.”

Logan let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.”

“But I will be saying more later! And you can’t stop me!” Patton exclaimed, grinning mischievously.

Dorian giggled, and the family moved on with their walk. They had finished their picnic about half an hour ago and were now just wandering deeper and deeper into the woods.

Remy and Roman were lagging slightly further behind the rest of their family, as much of their conversation was about things they didn’t want them to hear.

“Hey, Remy, didn’t we bury someone by that tree?” Roman whispered as they walked, leaning slightly closer to his son, so they wouldn’t be overheard.

Remy looked up, glancing back at it and looking it over a few times. “Oh, yeah, I think so. I, like, can’t remember who it was, though.”

Roman hummed in thought, his brow creasing as he tried to figure it out. After a few moments though, his eyes lit up and he grinned. “It was your first!” He whispered excitedly.

“What?”

“Your first kill, remember?”

Remy raised his eyebrows as he glanced back at the tree again. “Oh, wow. That’s cool.” He turned back to Roman and smirked. “I wonder how Pops and Father would react if they found out that that’s where I got my sunglasses.”

Roman snorted. “Probably about as badly as they’d react if they found out who the Prince and the Knight really are.”

The duo spent the next ten minutes chatting quietly about similar things, and following their family from a slight distance, not paying that much attention to where they were going. That was, until Remy looked up, his eyes scanning the familiar horizon before they widened, and he turned to Roman in horror.

“Papa, I think we’re getting close to the-”

“Look, there’s a building here!” Dorian exclaimed from just out of sight.

Roman swore under his breath. They had reached the bunker.

The duo immediately ran forward, catching up with the rest of their family, who had just reached Dorian, and spotting their bunker, which was mostly hidden by trees and bushes, and was half underground.

“It looks like a bunker.” Logan stated simply, stepping closer to it and examining the door. “It appears to be locked, though. We would need a key to get inside.”

Roman let out a quiet sigh of relief, they should be safe for now.

“Look, I found a key!” Dorian exclaimed, picking up a very familiar-looking key from the ground.

Remy turned to Roman, eyes wide behind his dark sunglasses, his hand in his inner jacket pocket.

“It must have fallen out…” He mumbled, just loud enough for only Roman to hear.

Emile and Patton glanced at each other for a moment, eyebrows raised in slight worry.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Patton interjected, as Logan took the key, looked it over, and began fiddling with the lock.

“Well, it’s not illegal, and Virgil and I are cops, so it should be fine.” Logan shrugged, before glancing over his shoulder at Patton. “If it bothers you, we can leave the kids out here with you and Roman, and Virgil and I can go inside alone.”

“No way!” Dorian exclaimed. “I wanna come in too!”

“Yeah, same.” Remy interjected, stepping forward. “If Dorian’s going, then I am too.”

“As am I.” Roman said.

Patton sighed, glancing at Emile, who just shrugged. “I guess this is a family adventure, then.”

***

“Wow! This place sure is bright!” Dorian said, looking around.

Inside the bunker, as they had just discovered, was one pristine white room. The floor was all tiled, and in the centre of the room was one large table, big enough for an average-sized adult to lay fully across it.

Dorian was walking around, trying to open random cupboards and closets (which were all thankfully locked), before finally reaching a door that did open.

“Why’s there a shower in here?” Dorian asked curiously, leaning into the room and looking around. “And there’s a sink too! But no toilet.”

Logan walked up to Dorian, putting his hands on his shoulders and pulling him back, before stepping in front of him and peering around the small room.

“Interesting…” Logan muttered. “This place is spotless, someone must have been here recently, but I have no idea what it would be used for.”

“Nothing good, I suspect.” Virgil scowled, arms crossed.

Roman laughed awkwardly. “Whatever do you mean? This is the least suspicious place I have ever been in.”

Virgil turned to him, eyebrows raised. “Really?” He said dryly.

Roman ran a hand through his hair, his eyes darting around the room. “Uh, you know what? You’re probably right. This place is dodgy, let’s just leave.”

Virgil tilted his head, giving Roman an odd look. “You good, Ro? You’re acting kinda weird.”

“Uh… I’m fine. This place is just giving me the creeps, that’s all.”

“Don’t worry, Papa!” Dorian exclaimed, bouncing up to Roman and smiling up at him. “Father and Pop are here and they’re cops, they’ll protect us!”

Roman put on his best fake smile, he used to be an actor, so he was good at that, and grinned at Dorian. “Of course they will! And don’t you fret, little Baron, I’m not worried.”

The family continued to look around the little bunker for the next few minutes, and they had attempted to open almost all the locked cabinets when Virgil sighed.

“I doubt we’re gonna find anything here, almost everything’s locked.”

“Maybe we should go back home then.” Emile suggested, glancing at Remy, who was fiddling with something is his pocket, trying his best to act like he couldn’t care less what they did.

“Nonsense.” Logan said. “If there was a key to the bunker just laying outside the door, then logically, there could be a key to some of these cabinets just laying around here.”

Roman casually stepped over to Remy, quietly mumbling to him, “God, I hope not.”

Remy snickered, and his sunglasses slipped a bit further down his nose, almost falling off. He brought his hand out of his pocket to push them back up, but something fell out as he did so. It made a loud clanging sound as it hit the ground, bouncing and landing right beside Emile’s foot.

It was a key.

The duo’s hearts missed a beat as they glanced at each other in panic.

“What was that?” Virgil asked, but as everyone turned to look at the ground by Emile’s feet, there was nothing there. The key was gone.

Emile shrugged. “I don’t know, I didn’t see anything.”

The rest of the family looked confused, and Patton gave him a questioning look.

‘Where is it?’ Remy mouthed to Roman.

‘I don’t know!’ Roman mouthed back.

“What’s that?” Emile said, pointing at one of the cabinets that looked slightly different from the others. He walked over to it, and the rest of the family (apart from the duo) followed his gaze.

Logan placed his hand on the freezer-cabinet door. “Strange, it’s cold. Perhaps it’s a fridge or a freezer of some kind.”

As the others gave their own suggestions as to what it could be (Dorian’s were getting more and more playful and ridiculous as he went on), Remy glanced at the ground again, his eyes widening when he saw the key. It was just… laying there, right where it had been before.

Quickly, before anyone else could spot it, he crouched down and picked it up, shoving it back into his pocket.

“Wait, was that…?” Roman whispered.

Remy nodded, looking confused as he whispered, “Did Emile accidentally step on it or something? Like, what happened?”

Roman’s brow creased, as he watched his family fiddling with the different cabinets (fortunately, no one had yet found any that were unlocked). “I don’t know…”

The duo was quiet for the next minute or so, trying to figure out what had just happened. They didn’t really pay attention to what their family was doing, assuming that all the cabinets were locked, and that Logan and Virgil wouldn’t resort to breaking the locks (even if Virgil kept repeating how ‘dodgy’ this place was.)

“Hey, Pa?” Remy whispered as he nudged Roman with his elbow, his brow creased.

“Hmm?”

“Last time we were here, did we lock that cabinet?”

“Wait, do you mean…” Roman’s eyes widened. “Oh, fu-”

“Hey, look!” Dorian exclaimed excitedly, pulling open the one unlocked cabinet. “There’s a bunch of keys in here!”

Roman and Remy gave each other identical panicked looks.

“Huh, that’s odd.” Virgil said, walking over to the cabinet and picking up one of the keys, looking it over. “These probably unlock all the other cabinets.”

Logan nodded, walking over as well, his brow creasing. “I don’t understand. Why would someone go through the trouble of locking all these cabinets, but leave the one with all of the keys unlocked? It doesn’t make sense.”

“Yeah, it’s kinda weird, isn’t it, Remy?” Emile said, turning to his twin for a moment.

“Oh, uh, yeah? I… I guess?”

Patton glanced at Remy, concern evident on his face. “Are you okay, kiddo?”

Remy ran a hand through his hair, thankful that his sunglasses hid the visible fear in his eyes. “Uh, yeah, I’m fine, Dad.”

Patton didn’t appear to believe him, but he didn’t make any further comments.

Virgil held up the key he was holding. “Well, I’m gonna figure out which cabinet this opens.” He then started wandering around the room, testing out the different cabinet doors until he found the one that opened.

A lot of the cabinets didn’t actually contain things that would give away that the owners were murderers- canned food, tools, cleaning products, those were the sorts of things in most of them.

But the cabinet that Virgil opened contained none of those things. It was the weapons cabinet.

There were at least a dozen knifes and daggers stored in there, a couple guns with bullets, too (Roman’s sword and Remy’s favourite dagger were luckily with their costumes and masks in another cabinet).

Virgil stepped back, eyes wide. “Okay, so there’s definitely something illegal going on here.” He turned to his family. “Be careful, we don’t know what else is in there.”

“Well, this one’s empty.” Patton said, looking at the large empty cabinet that he had just opened when no one was looking. He picked up the picnic basket and swung it over his shoulder, tucking the rolled-up picnic blanket more securely under his arm and turning to face his family. “But your Pop is right, kids, be careful, okay?”

Remy and Roman couldn’t take their eyes off the empty cabinet. It had definitely been full the last time they were there.

“Where… where are they?” Remy whispered, glancing at Roman, eyes wide and fearful behind his dark sunglasses.

“I… I have no idea…” Roman muttered, feeling an anxious sickness in the pit of his stomach.

The cabinet was empty. Their outfits were gone, so were their masks, and their main weapons: Roman’s sword and Remy’s Bowie knife.

As they stared at the cabinet in horror, fortunately not attracting much attention from the rest of their family, Dorian had picked up one of the keys, wandering from cabinet to cabinet, trying to unlock them. Eventually, he reached the mysteriously cold cabinet, and when he put the key in the lock, there was a loud audible click.

Remy and Roman’s heads snapped towards him, looking on in horrified shock as Dorian slowly opened the cabinet door.

As soon as he saw what was inside, he screamed, stumbling back, before turning and running into Thomas’ arms, burying his face in his older brother’s shirt.

It was a freezer full of body parts.

There was a pile of hands and feet, and jars of various organs, like hearts and eyeballs. In the centre of it all, was a head. The eyes were dead and glassy, and it stank like only a rotting corpse could.

There was a crown carved into its forehead.

“The Prince.”


	6. Chapter Five

It took three weeks for every cop in the precinct to scope out the bunker and two more for each one to declare that it was free of leads.  

On paper, it belonged to a “Mr. Boddy,” a name belonging to a character in Clue, but no one in reality. The bunker itself was located in the middle of the woods, near nothing but the Sanders house. It was free of all fingerprints not belonging to members of their family, and besides housing a corpse with their sigil, had little to no obvious connection to the Prince, the Knight, or virtually anyone else besides the family of the lead cops on the case.  

In short, Logan was tearing out his own hair and Virgil wasn’t far behind him.  

Roman, on the other hand, was very close to breathing a sigh of relief. In fact, he would have by now, if it weren’t for the small fact that their costumes and best gear were missing. 

He and Remy had all but swept the city and forest before eventually decreeing it useless. Their costumes, their masks, and all of their favourite weapons had officially vanished into thin air.  

This meant they had to go about getting new ones, which led them here, to a coffee shop brightly lit with mid-day light. 

Remy twirled his straw idly as they waited for their “business partners” to get there. Roman pat his arm sympathetically. 

“It’s alright, Remy, they’ll be here soon.” He said. 

Remy shrugged. “I just wish I hadn’t left my headphones at the house. This place’s tea shop tunes are harshing my vibes.” 

Roman blinked, not fully comprehending the sentence he was just given. 

“Um, right.” He said.  

He opened his mouth to say more, but was cut off by a shriek. He lifted his head to see two men, one barreling towards him with a grin. 

Roman smiled and stood. The other man slammed into his open arms and they hugged fiercely. 

The man squealed again and pulled away, still smiling.  

“I know we’re here for business, but I have got to show you what Brain got me!” 

He said. “Wanna take a guess?” 

The other man, Brain, sighed. “We aren’t here for that Hear-” 

“Check it!”  

Heart thrust his hand into Roman’s face, showing off the sizable engagement ring on it. Roman gasped, eyes sparkling. 

“No way!” He said. “Are you telling me this nerd finally got off his butt and onto his knee?” 

Heart nodded eagerly. “We were thinking a spring wedding. We can’t invite any clients, or send you any pictures, but I can send you magazine clippings of our choices. Or at least, I can send you clippings of the parts I haven’t decided on yet. I’ve had most of it figured out since we started dating, but I’m just not sure about-” 

“Heart, please!” Brain exclaimed, face beet red. “We aren’t here to talk about the wedding.” 

“How’d he propose?” Roman asked. 

“That’s not-” 

“Oh, it was so romantic!” Heart gushed. “It was so simple and understated, yet totally him, you know? We had dinner at a little restaurant near where we first met.” 

“Fifty-first Bank, right?” Remy asked. 

“That’s the one!” Heart said. “About halfway through dessert, this waiter brings by a bouquet of my favourites, roses and lilies. And of course I know it’s from him, because he’s a big dork like that. But he tells me to read the card anyway, and I do, and it’s incredibly sweet and romantic, talking about mushy stuff I can never get him to say out loud. And then, when I’m in tears and I look back up, he’s just standing there on one knee, asking me to be his.” 

Roman swooned. “Oh, that is so sweet!” 

“I know, right?” Heart laughed. “I’m gonna cry again just thinking about it. And did you get a good look at this rock?” 

Roman examined the ring. It looked incredibly expensive and remarkably like the ring that had gone missing from some upper-class lady he didn’t know the name of a few months ago. 

“That, my good sir, is an impeccable ring.” Roman said matter-of-factly. 

Heart giggled. “I know. And I got an impeccable man to go with it.” 

Brain sighed again, as Heart took his hand and practically hung off of his fiancé, but Roman could see the fond smile playing at the edge of his lips. It wasn’t quite the same, but after being married to Logan for so long, it was a look he was used to seeing.  

Exasperated fondness. Love, in some circles. 

Brain cleared his throat. “If the two of you are done with… that, I would like to discuss the matter we actually met up to talk about.” 

The smile dropped off of Roman’s face and he nodded. “Right.” 

They all sat back at the table and Brain and Heart ordered their drinks. Once the waiter was gone, Roman took a deep breath and donned his business face.  

“So, I’m sure the two of you have seen the news by now.” He said. 

Heart nodded, but Brain’s brow furrowed.  

“Have we?” He asked. “I don’t remember if watched it last week or-” 

“We watch it every night, dearest,” Heart said, gently rubbing Brain’s arm. “It’s just your memory thing playing tricks on you again. Go on, Princey.” 

Roman nodded. “Right. To recap for Brain, my beautiful and too-smart-for-their-own-good husbands found my bunker. Now everything in it has been seized by the police. Long story short, we need more gear and I was wondering how many hoops I would need to jump through in order to make that happen.” 

Heart gave him a sympathetic frown, and Brain tapped his chin.  

“All your gear?” Heart asked. 

“Costumes too.” Remy said.  

Heart tsked gently. “Poor things.” 

“Were there any prints on them?” Brain asked.  

Roman considered. “Well, we usually wear gloves to keep that from happening, and the gloves in question were… out of the building before it was discovered.”

Brain hummed thoughtfully. “Well, assuming you want the same stuff as last time, the knives and guns should be no problem. However your particular brand of sword is hard to come by. You might have to settle for some kind of katakana. As for costumes-” 

“If you can supply fabric, I’d be willing to make them.” Heart interrupted.  

Brain gave him a look and Heart shrugged.

“What? I like doing nice things every now and again.”  

“Heart, you already have thirty-two separate projects to work on right now.” Brain argued. “You don’t have time for-” 

“Oh hush and add it up, baby.” Heart said dismissively.  

Brain huffed, but opened is phone and did some quick calculations.  

“Given the complete loss of all weapons,” He muttered. “Plus the costumes, and I’m assuming any C.I.Ps-” 

“Corpse in progress?” Remy asked.  

Brain nodded absently. “Now subtract the usual fair you get from the parts sold… multiply that by… Hm. Okay, if you sell about three a month, particularly the organs in demand each one, then you should be able to pay it off by the end of the year. I know your notoriety means a lot, but you may want to keep from leaving any bodies for a while. Just add to the missing persons list until you get this paid off.” 

“So you’ll do it?” Roman asked.  

Brain shrugged. “You may be an idiot, but you are our most… how do I put this… our- it’s like reliable but in more of a “raking in cash” way.” 

“Constant?” Heart asked. 

“No,” Brain said. 

“Staunch?” 

“No.” 

“Loyal?” 

“No.” 

“Trustworthy?” 

“That’s the word,” Brain said. “You’re one of our more trustworthy clients, so we will be glad to do this for you provided it doesn’t become a common occurrence.”  

“Of course it won’t,” Roman said, mildly offended. “The fact that it happened at all was nothing more than a spot of bad luck.” 

“Be that as it may, if it happens again, we may not be so forgiving.” Brain said.  

He stood to go, drink in one hand, Heart’s arm in the other. Heart waved at them cheerfully. 

“We’ll need a down payment, of course,” Heart said. “Just policy, you know? Send through the profits of your next deal and we’ll start on our end of things.” 

Roman smiled tightly. “Of course. My well wishes for the wedding.” 

Heart blushed with a grin. “Thank you! You boys take care, now!” 

As soon as they were out of earshot Remy turned to Roman with a panicked look.  

“Papa, we don’t have anything to make a down payment with!” He said. “We don’t have any costumes or weapons or really anything to pull it off. And we can’t sell off the last guy, he’s in an FBI freezer or something!” 

“I know, Remy.” Roman sighed heavily. “We’re just going to have to do a rush job. Cheap masks and kitchen knives. Not from ours but… ugh, this is going to be a pain to get. We’ll have to use liquid cash or your dads will ask questions.” 

“Yeah, they’re on such high alert right now.” Remy said, looking morose. “Maybe OTW we could grab something to relax them?” 

Roman smirked. “What’d you have in mind?”


	7. Chapter Six

“We don’t need a break.” Logan said, not taking his eyes off of his computer.

“Yes, you do.” Roman said, as Virgil looked up at him from where he sat beside to Logan, arms crossed. “You’ve been at this for weeks, there’s no more leads.”

“There has to be something.” Logan said, leaning closer to the screen, his eyes moving rapidly side to side as he read and reread over the same statements again and again. “There’s got to be something to help us catch the Prince.”

“And the Knight.” Remy added from behind Roman.

Everyone turned to him, giving him a ‘not helpful’ look, and he shrugged.

“What? He’s important too, you just shouldn’t, like, forget about him.”

Roman rolled his eyes before turning back to face Logan and Virgil. He stepped behind them, gently shutting the laptop, before putting his hands on his husbands’ shoulders.

“Look, my loves, you can come back to this later. Your work on the Prince-” He glanced up at Remy for a second. “-and the Knight will wait for you.”

“How do you know?” Virgil snapped, although Roman could tell that it was just his exhaustion getting to him. “They could be out there, right now, killing people! We need to keep working so we can find out who they are and stop them.”

Remy rolled his eyes, snorting. “Gurl, there’s, like, no way they’re out doing anything like that right now. What kind of idiot kills someone in the middle of the day? You do that and, like, you’re definitely gonna get caught.”

Roman held back a sigh, glancing at Logan and Virgil, who were giving Remy blank stares.

After a moment of silence, Roman rubbed the bridge of his nose. He turned to properly face Logan, and tapped his shoulder.

“Okay, get up, nerd.”

“What?” Logan said, blinking a few times in confusion as he looked up at Roman.

Instead of answering, Roman just gestured again for Logan to get up. After a moment, he got up slowly, and once he was standing in front of Roman, he crossed his arms, raising his eyebrows.

Roman grinned at him for a second and then, before Logan could react, quickly picked him up, holding him bridal style. Logan’s face immediately flushed, despite the fact that he had been through this many times. He tried in vain to push himself out of Roman’s arms, but stopped after only a few moments, crossing his arms and pouting.

Roman, still holding Logan, turned and took a few steps towards the door, before glancing back over his shoulder at Virgil.

“If you don’t follow, I’m sending Patton up.“

Virgil sighed, and as Roman, Logan and Remy left the room, he got up and followed them downstairs.

***

"No! How can I be losing? I’m great at this!” Remy exclaimed, glaring at the screen in front of him.

Logan, Virgil, Emile and Remy were all playing Mario Kart (only four could play at a time, so they were taking turns) and Remy was losing. Logan, despite his claims that he didn’t care, was in first place. Emile was following closely behind, and Virgil was somewhere in the middle. Remy was dead last.

Remy leant forward, biting his lip as he tried to get ahead, and scowling when his character smashed into the wall, yet again. There was no way for him to win this, unless…

Remy glanced at Emile for a second, smirking.

He leant back on the couch, his eyes turning back to the screen as he continued trying to get ahead. After a moment, he spoke up in a calm tone of voice.

“So, Em, have you texted Toby yet?”

Emile’s eyes widened, his face flushing as he dropped his controller into his lap. He stumbled over his words for a few moments, and the rest of his family, apart from Remy, looked at him in confusion.

“Who’s Toby?” Virgil asked, looking away from the screen, the game ignored, his character slowing to a halt.

“He’s, uh…” Emile mumbled, slowly running a hand through his hair.

“He’s my best friend.” Remy interrupted, before a wicked grin appeared on his face. “And Em has a massive crush on him. Like, seriously, I’ve never seen my bro so flustered. It’s hilarious.”

“Oh, really?” Roman teased, grinning too as he leant forward, looking at his blushing son. “So, what’s he like?”

“He’s, uh… he’s… nice, I guess…” Emile stammered.

“Psh, lame.” Remy interrupted, rolling his eyes, but keeping them on the screen, smirking slightly as he passed Virgil and caught up to Emile (both of whom had basically put their controllers down). “Okay, so he’s, like, tall? I guess? And, uh…” Remy paused for a moment. “He’s, like… you know, Jack Skellington? He’s like that mixed with a cinnamon roll and a pack of cherry soda.”

Virgil nodded slowly in understanding, as did Roman, but Logan turned to Remy with a bewildered look, lowering his controller, the game forgotten.

“And, like, I mean, I guess he’s hot? He’s not really my type, he’s too… angsty.” Remy then smirked, glancing at Emile. “But he’s definitely Em’s type.”

“Remy…” Emile whined, burying his face in his hands. “Stop…”

Remy’s grin only grew. “Like, it was Friday, right? And Toby walks in wearing, like, a bunch of makeup! Lipstick, mascara, eyeshadow, the whole shebang. He rocked it, too. And as soon as Emile saw him, the gurl _literally_ walks face-first into a wall. It was fricking hilarious!”

Emile’s face reddened behind his hands.

“It’s okay, kiddo!” Patton laughed, patting Emile’s back a few times. “I almost fell down a staircase the first time I saw Virge wearing makeup, but now I only have a minor heart attack when we have makeover nights!”

“Yeah, and, like, you don’t have to worry, Em. He totally likes you back.”

Emile took his face out of his hands to give Remy a look of disbelief. “Why would he? I doubt I’m his type.”

Remy rolled his eyes, and was about to respond, when Thomas interrupted.

“Really? It’s, like, super obvious that he likes you back.” Thomas said, and Emile turned and gave him a face as if to say ‘really?’

“Okay, so, no offense, Thomas, but you’re not the greatest and noticing when someone has a crush.” He said.

“What?” Thomas said, looking slightly offended.

Remy snorted, leaning back. “You know the Blueski twins? Apollo and Nox?”

Thomas nodded slowly. “Yeah, why?”

“They both, like, totally have a thing for you, gurl.”

“What?” Thomas shrieked, eyes widening. “No they don’t!”

All four of the dads (and Dorian) watched this exchange with amused looks on their faces. They weren’t really sure who Remy, Emile and Thomas were talking about, but that didn’t make this any less entertaining.

“Dude,” Remy said, raising his eyebrows. “They’re, like, constantly competing for your attention, it’s kinda weird sometimes, and, like, they’re always blushing around you. It’s pretty damn obvious, gurl.”

Thomas blinked a few times in confusion, clearly thinking this through, before he groaned, burying his face into his hands.

“This is going to be awkward.“ He mumbled under his breath.

Roman laughed, leaning behind Dorian and patting Thomas on the back. "Don’t worry, I was in a very similar situation back when I was in high school.” He grinned. “Tons of people, especially girls, had crushes on me. I mean, why wouldn’t they? I’m amazing.” He continued to go on about himself for a couple minutes, oblivious to the silent stares from his family, that ranged from mildly amused to mildly irritated.

After three minutes had passed, Patton finally spoke up, interrupting Roman’s totally believable story about how one time two girls got into a fight over him, and he had to awkwardly interrupt and tell them that he’s gay.

“Roman, love, we were talking about the kids?”

“Hmm? Oh… yeah, sorry.” He gave a sheepish smile, running his hand through his hair.

Remy snorted, before turning back to Emile. “Anyway, Toby, like, totally has a crush on you, gurl.”

Emile gave his twin a disbelieving look, crossing his arms. “And why do you think that?”

“’Cos he told me, like, I dunno, four months ago or something?” Remy said simply.

“What?” Emile screeched, leaning forward and grabbing Remy’s shoulders to shake him. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Remy blinked a few times in surprise, before shrugging. “I forgot.”

Emile just stared at him for a few moments, before sighing and pulling away. “He probably doesn’t still like me anyway. I lost my cha-”

“Ha, no. He was, like, _literally_ just texting me about how he’s waiting for you to text him. He’s, like, just as obsessed with you as you are with him. Like, remember when he told you that he watched Steven Universe?“

Emile nodded slowly, still confused, but now blushing slightly.

"He, like, only did that to impress you. Though I do think he does actually like that show now.”

“I… uh…”

Emile didn’t know how to respond, so Remy just turned to their dads and continued.

“Can Toby come over next weekend, for like a sleepover or something? I was gonna ask anyway, ‘cos, like, he’s pretty cool, though not as cool as me, and I wanna hang out with him, but now it’d also be, like, super funny to see how he and Em act around each other.”

All four of the dads glanced at each other, having a quick silent conversation. Patton and Roman were very clearly for this idea, but Logan and Virgil were a bit more conflicted. Eventually, the latter two sighed, rolling their eyes in agreement. Roman then turned to his sons, grinning.

“Of course!” He exclaimed, and after a cough from Logan, he added. “But Emile and Toby aren’t allowed to be alone together for any long period of time, okay?”

Emile groaned, burying his face in his hands yet again, and mumbling something like ‘kill me, now’.

Remy just sighed. “Well, there goes my plan to make them play Seven Minutes in Heaven.”

Emile’s head snapped up and he glared at his brother. “Remy!”

“What?” Remy said, giving a falsely innocent smile. “What did I do?”

“Now, now, kiddos, don’t fight.” Patton smiled, holding back a giggle. “Remy, why don’t you text Toby, ask if he’s free, and we can organize times and stuff, kay?”

Remy nodded, pulling out his phone and starting to type at an impressive speed.

It was only then that the family noticed the neglected Mario Kart, and Patton spoke up again, asking who wanted to play.

***

It was a few minutes past midnight, and everyone was asleep. Well, everyone other than Remy and Roman of course. They were downstairs, putting on the cheap masks that Roman had stolen a few days ago, and sorting through the collection of kitchen knives. This was the best they could do until Brain and Heart got them their new supplies.

“Hey, Pa?” Remy said quietly, so no one upstairs would hear him. “Who are we killing, again?”

“His name’s James Wright.” Roman answered, leaning over and adjusting his son’s mask (it was slightly crooked, as always). “He’s pretty rich and there’s a bunch of people wanting him dead. He’s apparently harassed a lot of women, and one of the most recent victims had family connected to the black market. We should be able to get a lot of money off of his death. Especially if we sell him to the right family after.”

"Great, then we’ll be able to get proper outfits and weapons again.” Remy said, grimacing as he looked over the knife he was holding. “These ones kinda suck.”

“Yeah, nothing could compare to our old ones.”

There was silence for a few moments.

“We should probably, like, go now. We want this guy dead as soon as possible, ‘cos I need my beauty sleep, kay?”

***

A few hours later, Roman and Remy were home. The weapons and masks had been disposed of, and the dismantled body parts and organs had been hidden in the tiny apartment that Roman had purchased when the bunker was discovered, to be given to Brain and Heart later.

Now, the duo were silently walking upstairs, exhausted. They nodded at each other as they parted ways, each entering their own bedrooms.

Roman made sure to step silently as he moved around his room, changing, before slowly sliding into bed beside Patton. As he lay down, Patton shifted slightly, moving a bit away from Roman, closer to Virgil, and Roman froze. But Patton didn’t make anymore movements, so he must have been still asleep.

Roman breathed a silent sigh of relief, before shifting slightly closer to Patton, and quickly falling asleep.


	8. Chapter Seven

Roman awoke to some gentle shaking and his husband’s voice whispering at him harshly.

“Roman,” Logan said, voice hushed and hoarse. “Wake up! I’ve solved the Prince murders.”

Roman debates the pros of saying he hoped he hadn’t and rolling back over, but, eventually, the cons outweighed them. He sat up a little and rubbed his eyes.

“Okay, let’s go over the facts.”

Logan nodded and rushed into a long explanation of the history of the case. Roman already knew most of it, though there were some gaps or instances of misinformation. He almost fell asleep again, but Logan prodded him a few times to keep him awake.

“And that’s why I think Jonathan Whitmore did it.” Logan concluded about ten minutes later. “He was the only one who had access to that many weapons and would have known about all those people’s corruption. It’s the only thing that makes sense.”

Roman squinted, practically seeing all the red strings in Logan’s head.

“Didn’t Jon Whitmore get in a car crash last month?” Roman asked. “I thought he was comatose.”

Logan faltered. He groaned and threw himself back onto the bed. Roman chuckled a little and drew Logan against his chest, gently running his fingers through his hair.

“It’s okay, baby.” He said soothingly. “One day you’ll wake me up in the middle of the night and you’ll have it all figured out.”

“I was so close,” Logan whined.

“I know, I know,” Roman soothed. “Here, let’s talk about something else. That Toby boy is coming over tomorrow. That should be fun.”

Logan grunted and Roman tsked at him gently.

“Come on. Remy’s friend and Emile’s crush? Don’t tell me you aren’t at least a little excited.”

Logan snuggled closer and hummed noncommittally. “I suppose. Curious would be a better word, though. After all, I am interested to see what kind of person watches five seasons of a television show for a guy, and what it means that that guy is our little boy.”

Roman hummed. “Not so little anymore. They’re all getting to be pretty big.”

Logan groaned. “Don’t remind me. I found a gray hair in my brush not even two days ago. I’m not vain, but I resent the idea of getting older.”

Roman chuckled. “Well, I’ll resent it with you, right into our graves, my love.”

Logan wiggled to be impossibly closer and the two of them lay contentedly for a minute.

“Logan,” Roman said suddenly. “I’ve been thinking…”

“Don’t hurt yourself.” Logan quipped.

“Ha, ha. No, I’ve been thinking- what if I was-” not the Prince that’s too obvious, not any other murderer that’s too close- “What if I was that Mothman that Virgil’s obsessed with? Would you still love me?”

Logan snorted. “What? Where’s this coming from?”

Roman shrugged. “Like I said, I’ve just been thinking.”

Logan was quiet a moment before he spoke again, more gently than he had been all evening.

“Well, I can’t guarantee it. After all, I’m not sure how one would meet a Mothman, much less fall in love with one”

“Okay, but, say you did,” Roman said. “Say I am, and you did, and I… ate someone’s face off or something. Would you still love me?”

“…Roman if this is your way of trying to tell me you are some kind of weremoth, I would prefer you to find another method.”

“Just answer the question, Specs!”

Logan went quiet again before shifting a little in Romans arms. He kissed the nearest patch of available skin (Roman’s collarbone) and let himself fully relax.

“I think I would,” Logan said. “I can’t guarantee anything, since that is not the reality we are living, but I think… I think I would love you in any capacity.”

Roman relaxed the muscles he didn’t realize were tense and placed a kiss in Logan’s hair.

“Good,” he whispered. “I love you in any capacity too.”

“Even if I wake you up in the middle of the night to debunk my case theories?” Logan teased.

Roman’s grip on him tightened and he smiled. “Especially when you wake me up to debunk your case theories. I wouldn’t give up this rapport for all the Crown Jewels in England.”

“Careful, that’s a big word,” Logan said teasingly. “Don’t strain yourself.”

“Oh, shut up,” Roman said. “Let’s go to sleep already, I’m tired.”

“Alright, alright,” Logan relented.

After a moment’s pause he spoke again.

“Hey, Roman?”

Roman groaned. “What?”

“I love you, darling.”

Roman sighed softly and smiled. “I love you too, dear. Now get some sleep.”

They both drifted off, Roman catching the faint sounds of Patton befalling a similar fate before he fell asleep.

***

Three hours of sleep, one cup of coffee, and a ten-minute drive later, and he was at the office. He gave Dolores a cheerful wave, to which she grunted, and resigned himself to the full day of meetings it usually took for someone to realize how brilliant his ideas were.

On days like this, lunch was usually the highlight. They were special seeing as they were made by the only cook in the house worth their salt shaker, ready and waiting in Roman’s oversized briefcase by his departure time. They made the second half of a day full of meetings almost worth all the pain.

Normally.

Today instead of his usual leftovers or reheatable meal, Roman was faced with two intricate masks atop a pile of embroidered fabrics. He withdrew them carefully, glancing behind him for a moment to check that his door was shut, and unfurled the fabrics. A couple of blades clattered to the floor and Roman’s suspicions were confirmed.

Their costumes had been returned.

He hurriedly shoved the fabric back in his briefcase and stooped to grab his sword and Remy’s knife. As he did so, a small bit of paper fluttered to the ground, catching Roman’s eye. He put the blades back and picked it up.

‘Thought these could use a cleaning! Lock things better next time, okay? (^o^) <3’

It wasn’t signed, beyond the tiny doodles in the bottom corner, leaving Roman with no possible idea who could have done this. Only he and Remy had access to the closet with costumes, and only he and Patton had ever touched his briefcase.

Of course, as a recent incident had reminded him, the closet in question was not the most protected of places. Once you found the right key it was almost too easy to get into. Even Patton had done it and he’d been carrying that enormous basket!

…Wait.

There was no way.

Patton had ample opportunity to swipe the costumes and weapons and put them in that basket. Everyone had been focused on somewhere else until he’d spoken. Not to mention, he was the only one who would have thought about. And the doodles were only further proof! Who else would swipe a serial killer’s costume and weapons, clean them, and then leave a cutesy sticky note?

The only question was why? In what universe would his happy, bubbly, and innocent husband be okay with this kind of thing? Patton, who cries when he accidentally steps on a bug. Patton, who can’t watch any movie where an animal dies. Patton who once gave them an essay’s worth of reasons why all Loki needed was a functional family.

Being okay with a marriage to a murderer didn’t sound like him. Not in the least.

So that just left the question of who in the world took their costumes and weapons, seemingly just before their family got into the bunker, without leaving prints, cleaned them, and then returned them via Roman’s briefcase in between the time that Patton packed it and Roman grabbed it.

His stomach rumbled, presenting a second question. Was his lunch still in there?

***

Toby was coming in t-minus twenty minutes, and Remy was bored out of his mind. Dorian was off playing with toy snakes, Thomas was studying for some huge test, and Emile wouldn’t let him watch TV because he “needed opinions” or something. He was babbling about something that Remy had tuned out ten minutes ago. It probably had something to do with Toby, but nothing interesting would happen until he got there.

Meaning Remy was doomed to die of boredom.

At least, until he heard the door open. He leapt at the distraction, giving Emile a quick “hold that thought.” He rushed to the door and gave his papa a grateful smile.

“You have no idea what you saved me from,” He said. “Emile was yammering my ears off. So, how was your day, and can we please go out of the house until Toby gets here?”

Papa blinked at him a few times. “Um… my day was fine. …Actually, Remy, can I talk to you in private for a minute?”

Remy raised an eyebrow but shrugged. The two walked into the dads’ bedroom, which was thankfully empty.

Roman dropped his big briefcase onto the bed and cracked it open. Remy’s eyes widened as he saw-

“Our costumes!” He exclaimed. “But how-”

“I don’t know.” Roman said. “I have one thought, but it’s almost too wild to be true. But at least now we can tell Brain and-”

The doorbell interrupted him, along with the sounds of Emile rapidly retreating into their bedroom. Roman nodded at him, the two silently agreeing to talk more later. Roman closed the briefcase and put it in its usual spot so as not to arouse suspicions and they walked back into the living room, where Logan seemed to be interviewing a very nervous-looking goth guy from the doorway.

Remy sighed and strolled over to them, slinging an arm over the goth, which was no easy feat considering he was considerably taller than Remy was.

“Gurl,” He whined. “I already told you he was coming over, lighten up!”

Logan blinked for a second. “Oh! You’re Toby?”

Toby nodded rapidly. “Yes, sir.”

“My apologies, I mistook you for some kind of solicitor.” Logan said.

Roman wrapped his arms around Logan and gave Toby an apologetic smile.

“Please forgive my husband, he’s had a long day of sticking his nose in books and forgot we were due to have company over.” He said.

Toby chuckled. “It’s no problem. Um, can I come in now?”

Remy responded by dragging him into the house and onto the couch.

“Emile!” He yelled. “Your boyfriend is here!”

Toby’s face went red. “Remy! We aren’t dating!”

“Oh, sorry my bad,” Remy said apologetically. “Emile! Your fiancé is here!”

Toby’s face grew impossibly redder as Emile marched down the stairs. He looked vaguely like a suburban mom who can’t scold her child’s misbehaviour because they were in public, which Remy counted as a win.

Remy dragged him onto the couch too and tossed himself over them like a ragdoll.

“So,” He said. “I was thinking for our agenda tonight we watch some classics until dinner. Princess Diaries, Princess Diaries two, Princess Bride, and like, maybe some Steven Universe too. Then, after a meal by good ol’ Dad, we go up to me and Emile’s room for makeovers and games. Slumber party stuff, ya know?”

“Emile’s and my room, Remy,” Logan corrected.

Remy rolled his eyes. “Grammar can bite me, Father. I don’t gotta use nothing correctly. Y’ain’t gonna stop me. Yeet!”

He leapt off the couch and turned on the TV, ignoring his Father’s very distressed face.

“You all are not,” Logan whispered gently.

Remy ignored him and turned on Netflix.

***

Dorian joined them at some point during the first Princess Bride movie and helped Remy with his master plan of “falling asleep” on the two so that they got squished together. Dorian actually did fall asleep, but that wasn’t important.

After a “five stars on yelp” worthy meal of some kind of chicken, Remy dragged Emile and Toby upstairs, Dorian trailing behind like the cute and eager baby snake he was.

“Did you bring the stuff?” Remy asked.

Toby nodded and upended his makeup case onto his sleeping bag.

“I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to bring, so I brought everything.” He said. “I figured we could play around and see what everyone likes or what looks best.”

Dorian immediately grabbed a container of sparkly green powder.

“What is this?” He asked eagerly.

“That’s highlighter,” Toby explained. “It’s supposed to go places you want the light to hit. It’s also supposed to be in neutral colors, but I like the weird colored ones better.”

Toby laughed, and Dorian gave him a star-struck look.

“Can I put it on?” He asked.

“Why don’t you let me do that, Dee,” Remy said. “I’ll help you, and Toby can help Emile.”

If looks could kill Remy would be dead twice over, but he was having a good time.

“And while we’re doing that we can play truth or dare!” Remy continued, as if he wasn’t getting dual glares from the happy-couple-to-be. “That way we aren’t just sitting here in silence.”

“Fine,” Emile said. “Remy, you go first. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Remy said, applying foundation to Dorian’s cheek.

Emile picked out some eyeshadow and thought for a moment. “Stand up and dance for a minute, but dance the way Dad does.”

Remy huffed, but did so. He stood in one spot, flapping his arms wildly, off the beat of the song coming from Toby’s phone. His legs kicked out randomly, also off beat. By the end they were all laughing so hard that Remy feared for Emile’s makeup.

“Okay, okay,” He said finally. “That means it’s your turn now. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.” Emile said.

Remy opened his mouth, but Dorian beat him to the punch.

“Do a chicken dance!” Dorian commanded happily.

Emile complied, and Dorian cackled.

“My turn, my turn!” He chanted. “Dare!”

Dorian stood up and did the Macarena before sitting back down with a big grin. Remy squinted at him.

“I’m not sure that you get the point of this game,” He said. “But TBH I’m loving the enthusiasm so keep it up.”

Dorian beamed. “Toby’s turn!”

Toby laughed. “I think I have to say ‘truth’ just to break the vicious dance cycle, so I’ll say truth.”

Remy smiled wickedly. “You wanna kiss Emile?”

Toby’s face immediately went red. “Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss Emile.”

“Never have I ever-”

“That’s not the game!” Remy exclaimed. “Look, it’s just a game, don’t be a wimp.”

Emile threw up his hands in a placating gesture. “Toby, it’s okay, you don’t have to.”

Toby ran a hand down his face in frustration. He leaned down over Emile and put a quick peck on his cheek.

“There.” He said. “Done. Happy, meme-lord?”

Remy frowned.

“Not really. You were supposed to dance, not be gross.” Dorian said.

They all laughed at that, easing the tension.

“Okay, okay, fine.” Remy said. “Here, I’ll take a dual Truth and Dare to make up for it.”

After making Remy confess to finishing off Emile’s Oreos and agree to get a green streak in his hair, they all let the game end and focused on the makeup.

Doing Dorian’s makeup proved to be increasingly frustrating, as he kept wiggling. Not to mention that halfway through he decided that each half of his face absolutely needed to be a different color just like his “underneath face.” It was more complex than Remy would have liked, but the final effect was amazing.

Emile was done much quicker, done in soft pastels and natural colors. He babbled complements at Toby until his face went red beneath his white foundation.

They all switched, and Dorian immediately turned Remy’s face into a travesty. But since he got all the makeup in the right general areas Remy decreed him a master and turned the room into his own personal runway.

Emile did okay on Toby, though his coloring was a little off. All black was good, but literally only Toby and Virgil could probably pull it off.

After some obligatory selfies, it was past Dorian’s bedtime, so the older three agreed to watch some more movies and wind down for the evening. Emile opened Netflix and they finished Steven Universe, each gradually dropping off to sleep.

***

“Psst, Remy!”

Remy groaned and rolled over, away from the voice.

“No, five more minutes.”

“Remy!” The voice said again. “I swear if you don’t help me I’m going to snap your sunglasses in half.”

Remy considered this for a moment, then rolled over and cracked his eyes open. The sight that met them made his eyes open all the way. Emile was snuggled on top of Toby, snug as a bug and fast asleep.

Toby looked up at him helplessly. “He rolled off his bed and onto me. Now he won’t let go and I don’t want to wake him up. Help!”

Remy started cackling. Loudly.

Emile woke up with a start and the two started apologizing to each other profusely, faces red and Remy still laughing hard behind them.

Eventually Patton poked his head through the door grumpily.

“Kiddos,” He said, voice thick with sleep. “I know you’re having fun, but can you please have fun quieter? Some of us are trying to sleep across the hall.”

Emile’s face darkened. “Sorry Dad. We’ll keep it down.”

Patton nodded and left. Emile immediately shoved a pillow over Remy’s face until he stopped laughing and they all went back to bed.

***

“So, by the way,” Virgil said the next morning, passing Toby some eggs. “What was so funny last night that you had to wake us all up?”

“Nothing!” Emile and Toby exclaimed immediately.

Remy’s only reply was to start laughing again.


	9. Chapter Eight

“Bye, Dad!“ Dorian exclaimed, wrapping his arms around Patton, giving him a tight hug. "Have lots and lots of fun at the wedding!”

Patton smiled, patting his son’s head. “Aww, thanks, kiddo! I sure hope so, I haven’t seen my family in ages, it’s gonna be fun getting to spend time with them!”

“Isn’t it your cousin’s wedding?” Virgil asked, walking down the staircase and towards the front door, where the rest of his family stood, carrying Patton’s suitcase.

“Yup! His fiancé only just proposed recently, and I think they were planning on getting married next Spring, but they’re doing it sooner ‘cos my Grandma’s in hospital.” Patton frowned at that for a moment before smiling again. “It helps that my cousin has been planning this since the day he met the guy.”

“So, like, how’d the guy propose? Was it romantic or what?” Remy asked, leaning against the wall beside Roman, his sunglasses propped up on his head.

“Hmm… you know, I’m not really sure. I’ll have to ask them when I see them! I bet it was really fancy.”

Roman glanced, smirking, at Logan, who was standing on his other side.

“I bet it wasn’t as sweet as your proposal, though.“

Logan blushed, looking away and running a hand through his hair.

"Aww, yeah! It was the best!” Patton smiled, half-ignoring the fact that Dorian still hadn’t let go of him. “You were adorable, Lo.”

Logan’s face reddened even more as he looked down, running a hand through his hair.

“No I wasn’t…” He mumbled.

“Yeah you were.” Virgil smiled as he put Patton’s suitcase down by the front door. He then turned to look at the kids. “He made a PowerPoint presentation, it was amazing.”

“We know, Pop, you tell us this every week.” Thomas said, but he was smiling as he did so.

“Well, it was adorable.” Patton smiled, starting to reach out to pull Logan into a hug, before pausing when he realized that Dorian was still hugging him. “Hey, Kiddo? Can you let go of me for a second so I can give your father a hug?”

Dorian thought about it for a second before hugging Patton even tighter and saying, “He’s dropping you off at the airport! He can hug you then.”

Patton tried not to laugh as he glanced at the rest of his family, at his husbands in particular.

“Can I at least give Roman and Virgil hugs? They aren’t coming to the airport.“

Dorian paused for a moment, before sighing dramatically and letting go of Patton.

“Fine, make it quick.” He said in his most serious tone of voice.

Everyone laughed at that, and both Roman and Virgil ruffled Dorian’s hair as they stepped past him.

Virgil placed a chaste kiss to Patton’s lips first, before turning back to Dorian and asking, “Have you packed your bag for Kai’s house? We’re leaving in a few minutes, make sure you’re ready.”

Dorian perked up. “Oh, yeah! It’s upstairs, I’ll go get it.” He then quickly turned around, pushing passed Thomas, and ran upstairs.

Virgil laughed, before turning to Thomas. “And are you ready for Sloane’s house?”

“Yup.” Thomas said, he nudged the backpack that was slung over one shoulder. “Can we stop at the store to get candy on the way?”

Virgil paused for a second before sighing. “Okay, fine, but only because you’re going to your friend’s house. Then the sugar rush isn’t my problem.”

There was quiet for a moment, the silence only broken by Patton’s giggles as Roman pressed kisses to his cheeks. Remy opened his mouth to interrupt (probably to tell them to stop being gross), when Logan spoke up, glancing up from his watch.

“Patton, if we want to get you to the airport on time, we should leave now.” He turned to Emile. “Are you coming too?”

“Yup!” Emile said, smiling.

Logan nodded, before turning to look at Roman, then Remy.

“And you two are staying here?“ They both nodded and Logan sighed. "Try not to wreck the house.”

Roman smiled at his husband. “Would we do that?”

Logan gave him a deadpan look. “Yes, you would. Isn’t that what happened the last time we left you two alone? You somehow managed to break the sofa playing Mario Kart.”

“Okay, okay, no Mario Kart. I guess we’ll have to find something else to do.” Roman sighed over-dramatically.

“Thank you.” Logan said, before glancing back at Emile and then Patton. “Are you two ready? We need to go.”

Emile nodded, moving to grab and put on his shoes, whilst Patton stepped forward.

“Dorian, kiddo, I’m about to leave!” He yelled up the stairs.

There was a moment of silence before they suddenly heard Dorian’s thumping footsteps as he ran down the upstairs hallway and to the stairs.

“Don’t run, you could slip and hurt yourself.” Virgil scolded, and Dorian mumbled an apology as he slowed down, walking down the stairs with his bag over his shoulder.

He jumped down the last two steps, quickly pulling Patton into another hug, and mumbling. “’M gonna miss you, Dad.”

“Aww, I’ll miss you too, kiddo! But don’t worry, I’ll be back soon enough, it’ll be like I never left!”

“Patton, if we don’t leave now, we really will be late.” Logan said, putting a hand on his shoulder.

Patton nodded, slowly breaking away from Dorian’s grasp, and bending down slightly to kiss his youngest son’s forehead.

“We should get going too.” Virgil added, glancing at Thomas and Dorian, who both nodded, before grabbing and pulling their shoes on.

The next few minutes were mildly chaotic, with everyone making sure they had everything, and Logan losing the car keys for a minute, but soon enough everyone else was out of the house.

Remy turned to Roman. “So, where first?”

“You can start in your room, and I’ll start in mine. Whoever found and returned our outfits must have some connection to the house, so there has to be something here that can help us.”

“But, like, what do we do when we find out who it is?” Remy asked as they began to walk upstairs. He paused for a moment before continuing. “What if it’s… what if it’s someone in our family… what if it _is_ Dad?”

They reached the top of the stairs and stopped, Roman biting his lip in thought. “It… it can’t be. Patton’s, well, Patton; he wouldn’t like something like this.” After a moment, he continued. “It’s not gonna be Logan and Virgil, of course, and I highly doubt that any of your brothers would be involved with anything like that, which means further investigation is underway!”

Remy looked unsure, but instead of arguing, he just nodded, before walking to his room, and starting his search for clues.

***

Twenty minutes had passed since their search had begun, and so far, they hadn’t found anything. Roman was hurriedly searching through drawers and cupboards in his room, looking under the bed and under the mattress, but coming up with nothing. They didn’t have long to do this, as Virgil would be home in only fifteen minutes at most, so they had to hurry.

"Have you found anything yet?” Roman yelled to Remy, standing on his tiptoes to run his hands over the top of the wardrobe, double checking that there was nothing hidden up there.

“Uh, no, not yet.” Remy yelled back. Roman then heard him pull open the desk drawer, before pausing. “Okay, so, TBH, I may have found something, but it could be a coincidence.”

Roman immediately moved away from the wardrobe and quickly walked into Remy’s room and up to the desk.

“What is it?”

Remy held up a stack of pink sticky notes. “These are the same type as the one in the briefcase, right? ‘Cos they were, like, just laying here with a bunch of Em’s things.” He passed the sticky notes to Roman, who looked them over with raised eyebrows.

“Yeah… they are.” Roman said slowly, unsure of what to think. “But this could just be a coincidence, right? Or whoever took our outfits just borrowed these for the note.”

Remy opened his mouth to continue, but he quickly closed it again suddenly spotted something in the drawer. His hand quickly darted out and grabbed it, pulling it closer to his face to look over it.

It was another pink sticky note, this time with writing on it.

‘Don’t forget to do your math homework, kiddo! (^o^) -Dad’

“That’s the same smiley face that was on the note.” Remy said, glancing up at Roman over his sunglasses. “And Dad wrote this note… so that means…”

“Patton wrote the note.”

Just as Roman said that, they heard the front door open, and a shout from downstairs. “Roman, Remy, I’m home!”


	10. Chapter Nine

If Virgil had arrived home only a few minutes later, they might have had time to absorb the information, or form some kind of plan. But, as it was, they scarcely had a moment to do even their normal types of planning.

Once Patton had come back from Canada, Roman was stuck a month-long scramble of going to meetings and organizing things for his next book to come out. Between that, and the fact that they had to cancel their order with Heart and Brain in a hurry, which took longer than expected as the couple had been unavailable for the first half if the month, it was a miracle that they had even managed to pick their next target. Brain had even guided them to picking him out, saying they needed a particular piece.

“Joel Noella.” Roman told Remy. “He’s been leading a local church on an anti-gay tirade and turning a blind eye to those who try to ‘correct’ aces in the area.”

Remy made a disgusted face, his nose wrinkling under his mask. “Ugh, those people are just the worst. So, what are we thinking? A simple slice and dice?”

Roman nodded. “That might be best. Heart asked us for something specific, too, so be careful around the head.”

“What about the nose? I wanna punch him.” Remy said.

“That’s fine, we just need the brain stem in one piece.”

“Cool.” Remy said, a wicked smile crawling onto his face.

Roman rolled his eyes playfully before falling solum. The target was walking down the alley, T-minus ten seconds until he was right in front of them. He gestured to Remy, who nodded and the two of them landed in front of him.

Roman smiled venomously.

“Oh, mister preacher man,” He said, his voice sing-song and drifting out of the dark.

Mr. Noella froze on the spot.

“You’ve been awfully ungentlemanly, haven’t you?” Roman said.

He stepped out of the shadows, enjoying how the man’s face drained of color. He began stuttering and backing away almost immediately: backing right into the point of Remy’s knife.

“We don’t take kindly to people who refuse to be gentlemen, Mr. Noella,” Roman continued. “But have no fear! That big brain of yours will be going to a very worthy cause, of that I have been assured.”

Remy drew his arm back and grabbed the man’s arm. He twirled him around and socked him right in the nose. The man stumbled backwards, right into Roman’s range. Roman kicked his legs out from underneath him and he fell to the ground with a heavy thud.

“You know, there’s all sorts of things that can happen to someone in a dark alley,” Roman said, voice smoother than velvet. “I assume you’ve ‘never heard’ of most of them, right? Not even the ones that your right-hand men would do to young girls and boys to try and ‘fix them?’”

Roman kneeled down in front of Joel Noella, eyes alight with fury. “Luckily, I am a better man than that. I’m only going to kill you.”

Joel’s hand shot out suddenly, Roman caught it, the gleam of silver barely registering as it missed it’s chosen target. He did, however, turn at Remy’s exclamation.

Remy prodded the new cut in his cheek, placed right under the eye. Blood started to well up in it, slowly beading along the edge and trickling down his cheek like morbid tears.

“Make sure you put a band-aid on that when we get home.” Roman frowned, before turning back to Joel. “A pocket knife? Really? Now I’m just offended.”

Without any further word or warning, Roman stabbed his sword through the man’s stomach and dragged it upwards, slicing open everything from the stomach to the heart. Roman then stood up, cleaning off the blade with his handkerchief.

He walked over to Remy, gently wiping away some of the blood on his face.

“What am I gonna tell everyone?” Remy asked. “The shaving excuse won’t work for right under my eye.”

Roman hummed. “Tell them… tell them you were exploring a haunted house and crawled through a glass window and got cut.”

Remy wrinkled his nose. “That makes me sound dumb.”

Roman shrugged. “It would work though.”

“Whatever, just scalpel this guy so we can mark him already.”

“Can do!”

Roman reached inside his jacket for his more delicate knife. He frowned and felt again, the pocket was empty. Whoever returned their outfits must have left it out somewhere, or maybe Roman had left it in the briefcase. Either way, it wasn’t in his pocket and therefore, he didn’t have it.

He winced. “Okay, so don’t freak out.”

“Papa, you’ve been married to Pops long enough to know that is the quickest way to get someone to freak out.” Remy said, grimacing slightly as he stepped back, keeping the pooling blood from staining his boots. “What did you do?”

“I… I don’t have the right knife to get the brain stem that we need.” Roman said hesitantly, smiling sheepishly.

Remy raised an eyebrow. “Can’t you use your sword? Or one of my knives?”

Roman shook his head. “They aren’t delicate enough. Knowing my luck, I’d cut the exact nerve that we need. I have a spare, but it’s at the house and in the kitchen-”

“Why would you keep it there?” Remy whisper-shouted, giving Roman an incredulous look.

“It was for safe-keeping! No one would touch it there!” Roman whisper-yelled back.

“Well? We can’t just go home and grab a knife,” Remy said. “That would mean leaving Mr. Dead-and-Disgusting in the alley for someone else to claim! You know, someone who prepared properly.”

“Hey, I’m still your dad, mister.” Roman snapped.

Remy just rolled his eyes in response. “So, what are we gonna do? We can’t just leave the dude here, and we can’t do anything else to him until we have the knife.”

Roman frowned, pausing for a moment, before slowly speaking again. “I have a solution, but you’re not gonna like it.”

***

“You’re right, I hate this.” Remy whispered, grimacing.

“Calm down and lift with your legs.” Roman whispered back. “All we have to do is cross through the kitchen on the way to the backyard, finish the job, and then dump him in an alley. Easy peasy.”

“Easy for you to say,” Remy griped. “You’re holding the legs!”

Roman rolled his eyes as they entered the kitchen. He started scanning the wall for the hole he’d put his spare in, but the mask kept messing up his vision. He fumbled with the ribbon for a second, finding it much harder to undo with only one hand.

“Bad idea.” Remy hissed at him.

“Be quiet.” Roman hissed back.

He eventually gave up on the ribbon, and just shoved the mask backwards onto his head, Remy soon rolling his eyes and doing the same. Ah, finally, sweet sweet unimpaired vision. Roman found the hold with his knife in seconds, and carefully tucked it into his pocket before regaining his grip on the corpse.

“Okay, remember, all we have to do is-”

The lights suddenly came on, temporarily blinding them both. When they could see again, a gasp drew their attention to the left.

There stood the rest of the family. Logan’s eyes were wide, Virgil’s kept flickering between the two of them and the body. Dorian was whimpering, immediately trying to melt into the stomach of a shell-shocked Thomas.

Patton and Emile face-palmed in unison.

“Really?” Patton asked. “You couldn’t have been a bit more subtle?” 


	11. Chapter Ten

“Fuck!” Remy swore, dropping the body. It hit the ground with a thud, causing even more blood to seep out of the wounds and onto the tiled floor.

“Remy, language!” Patton scolded immediately.

“Well, I’m sorry,” Remy continued, rolling his eyes, “But you guys just walked in on me and Pa dragging a body through the kitchen, decked out in full Prince and Knight gear. How else did you expect me to react?”

“Well, you make a good point, but Dorian’s here! You should watch your language around him.” Patton gestured to Dorian, whose face was still buried in Thomas’ stomach.

“Dad, he’s eleven and this is the second corpse he’s seen. I think bad language is the least of his problems.”

“Oh, he’ll be fine, when I was his age, I’d already seen dozens of bodies.” Patton said, turning to Dorian, who looked up again for a moment, glancing at the body before whimpering and quickly turning back to Thomas.

“Are you okay, kiddo?”

Dorian whimpered again, and Patton’s look turned into one of concern.

There was a beat of silence before Roman finally spoke up, his voice slow, in an attempt to be calming.

“Okay, so there’s a perfectly reasonable expla-”

“Roman, what the fuck is going on!?” Virgil growled, interrupting Roman, his eyes darting between the body and his husband as he tried to process what exactly was going on.

Roman opened and closed his mouth a few times, unsure of how to answer in a way that wouldn’t result in a fight.

“You’re the Prince?!”

“I… I…”

“Yes, he is, and I’m the Knight. What are you going to do about it?” Remy said, stepping in front of Roman and looking between Virgil and Logan

“I…” Logan started, his eyes wide and unsure. After a moment, he took a deep breath and stood up straighter, speaking seriously. “I’m going to fulfil my duties and arrest you.”

Patton glanced between the two of them, before stepping forward, his hands up in an attempt to placate them.

“Okay, I think everyone just needs to calm down and-”

“Calm down?! Roman’s a fucking serial killer!” Virgil angrily exclaimed, glaring daggers at Roman. “And he dragged our son into this!”

“Dragged is a strong word.” Remy stepped in, speaking in a probably-much-too-casual tone. “I’d go more with ‘reluctantly allowed me to join after I begged for a month’. I mean, why wouldn’t I want to join? This is, like, so much fun TBH. I get to save people and stab people? I’m living the dream. Plus, like, this guy deserved it; he did, like, a bunch of shitty things plus he did this to my face when we threatened to murder him! What a dick.”

“Remy?” Emile said calmly.

“Hmm?”

“Shut up, you’re not helping yourselves.”

“Okay, rude, I’m just, like, telling the truth, kay? I don’t want there to be, like, any big misunderstandings here. Murder is fun, I enjoy it, and I don’t want anyone calling Papa a bad person just ‘cos he let me join.”

Patton sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Remy, kiddo, just stop talking.”

Remy pouted, before stepping back over the body and leaning on the counter behind it, his arms crosses.

“You knew…” Virgil said quietly, hints of betrayal in his voice as he turned to face Patton.

Patton paused for a moment before sighing. “Yes, I’ve known for a while now.”

“How… how could you?” Virgil said quietly, before continuing, getting louder and louder as more aggression seeped into his voice. “You let… you let a murderer live with us. You let him live under the same roof as our children. You put them in danger!”

Roman stepped forward. “Virgil-”

Virgil growled, pushing Thomas and Dorian behind him. “Stay back! I won’t let you hurt them.”

Roman’s eyes flashed with hurt as he glanced at Thomas and Dorian. Dorian had moved behind Thomas, peeking out from behind him with wide fearful eyes.

“Virgil,” Roman started, speaking slowly, half-masking the hurt in his voice. “I would never ever hurt a child, especially not one of ours.”

Roman paused for a moment, taking in the fact that Virgil’s glare remained sharp on his face, his hands in fists, ready to physically fight Roman if the opportunity arose.

Roman’s voice softened. “Virgil, I’m not that cruel… you know I’d never hurt any of them, right?”

“No, no I don’t know that.” Virgil said, his voice cold and harsh.

“Virgil! He’s still our husband, we love him!” Patton exclaimed, stepping between them.

“Do we?” Logan snapped.

There were a few beats of silence as everyone registered what had just been said.

“Yes, we do.” Patton said softly, giving Roman a quick concerned glance.

“Really? Because I seem to remember the man I proposed to wasn’t a cold-blooded serial killer.” Logan continued, his voice venomous as he turned to glare at Roman. “Did you ever even love us in the first place? Or was this marriage just _convenient_ for you?”

Roman’s mouth opened and closed a couple times, before he finally settled on what to respond with.

“I… I love you all more than anything else in the world. I would never do anything like that to you, I promise.”

There was another moment of silence, but this time it was interrupted by someone else, Dorian, looking up at Roman with wide fearful eyes.

“Papa, why did you kill that man?”

“He… he did something really bad, he deserved it.” Roman said.

“Are you gonna hurt us? I- I promise I’ll be good, please don’t hurt us!” Dorian whimpered, cowering further behind Thomas, who held his arm out in front of his little brother protectively.

“What, no! I will never ever hurt any of you. I… I would never…”

Roman tried to step forward, but Logan and Virgil glared at him, moving to protect Thomas and Dorian as Thomas pushed Dorian behind him even further.

Roman paused for a moment, looking like he’d just been slapped in the face, before stepping back again.

“I… I won’t ever hurt any of you, I promise. Please… please trust me.”

“And why should we?” Virgil hissed. “You’ve been lying to us for years! You’re literally standing next to the body of a man you just murdered!”

“Okay, but in our defence, he did deserve it.” Remy said, ignoring the look Emile gave him.

“How? What could he have possibly done to deserve that?” Virgil said, gesturing madly at the guts poking out of the man’s stomach.

“He’s been leading a local church into believing his homophobic teachings, and he’s been involved in physically ‘correcting’ young asexual teenagers.” Roman said seriously.

Virgil and Logan looked taken aback, unsure of how to respond, so Emile took this moment of silence as an opportunity to speak up.

“See, they only kill people who deserve it!”

Logan turned to Emile, raising his eyebrows. “And how exactly do you know that?”

“I, uh… I’ve known that they’re the Prince and the Knight for about a year now.” Emile said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head and glancing at Patton

“How!?” Remy exclaimed.

Emile gave his brother a deadpan look. “You guys literally could not be anymore obvious.”

“He’s right, you two aren’t the subtlest serial killers I’ve ever met.” Patton agreed.

“Wait, how many serial killers have you met?” Virgil stepped in, giving Patton a confused (and mildly concerned) look.

“I think that’s a story for another time.” Patton said, smiling slightly.

There was another moment of silence as no one knew quite what to say here. After a few seconds, Virgil turned back to Roman.

“Anyway, I… ugh… I just don’t even know what to say to you right now.”

“You could say that it’s okay and that we’ll get through this together?” Roman said slowly, a bit of hope apparent in his voice.

“What? No! Roman you’re a murderer. You- you brought a dead body into our kitchen! What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Roman’s face dropped, and he looked down, shuffling from one foot to the other.

After another moment, Logan sighed. “Okay, Roman, just tell us one thing. Did you always plan to be a serial killer, or was it only after you met us?”

“I… I didn’t decide to become a serial killer until after I met you, but my first victims were before.” Roman said slowly, glancing up.

Logan’s voice went quieter. “So, it’s true, you really did marry us just to get away with your crimes.”

“What? No! Lo-” Roman’s eyes widened.

He stepped forward, grabbing Logan’s wrist in an attempt to reassure him. Logan pulled away almost immediately, a glare quickly reappearing on his face as he roughly shoved Roman’s chest.

He stumbled back, accidentally stepping in the victim’s pooling blood as he did so.

“Aww, damn, I liked these boots.” Roman complained, his nose wrinkling as the sticky blood splattered over his shoes.

There was another beat of silence, before Virgil spoke up again.

“Get out.” He said suddenly, and Roman’s head snapped up in surprise when he heard this.

“What?”

“You heard me, get out. Leave!” Virgil forcefully exclaimed, glaring daggers at Roman.

“I… I…” Roman stepped back again.

“If he’s going, I’m going too.” Remy said, walking in front of Roman and standing up straighter.

“Remy, you don’t-” Logan said.

“No, listen! I chose to join him, I enjoy doing this. If he has to leave just ‘cos he’s a murderer, then I’m leaving too.” Remy continued, refusing to back down.

“Wait- ” Virgil attempted to interrupt, but was, himself, interrupted by Emile.

“And so am I.”

Everyone turned to face him, eyes wide.

“Wait, what?” Roman said.

“You’re not separating me and Remy. You promised you wouldn’t eight years ago, so I won’t let you do it now.” Emile said slowly, not taking his eyes off Virgil and Logan.

“Emile, no, listen- ” Logan tried to reason with him, but he was quickly interrupted by Patton stepping forward and speaking up.

“No, Logan, you listen. You’re making a mistake, don’t do this, please.”

There was a moment of silence as conflicted looks passed over Virgil and Logan’s faces.

“I… I…” Virgil stuttered, looking between Roman and Patton before finally closing his mouth again.

Everyone was silent.

“Well, I guess you’ve made up your mind then.” Patton said softly. He turned to Roman, Remy and Emile. “Well, come on then guys, let’s go.”

No one said anything as the four of them slowly walked out of the kitchen. Half a minute later, the front door opened, before quickly slamming shut again, leaving Logan, Virgil, Thomas and Dorian alone in the kitchen, with half their family gone, and a dead body laying in front of them.


	12. Chapter Eleven

Virgil’s anger extinguished as soon as the door slammed shut. He and Logan were in the right, he knew that. So why was it so painful that two of his husbands had just walked out the door? One of them was a serial killer; the other knew, and had said nothing. Not to mention, Patton had kept saying increasingly disturbing things that hinted at a darker past. There was no possible way that he and Logan, the literal keepers of the law, were in the wrong here.

Right?

Logan gently put a hand on his shoulder and Virgil tore his gaze from the doorway. Logan was also, understandably, frowning.

“They left the body.” Logan said, his voice flat. “I would rather not leave a corpse on our linoleum.”

Virgil took a deep breath and nodded, mumbling at Thomas and Dorian to stay put whilst they dealt with the body.

It took the two of them almost twenty minutes to get the corpse out the door and into a hole in the ground. It was less than ideal, but it would have to do until they had a better course of action. The worst part of the whole process was that their onesies got covered in blood and guts, and their expert in stain removal had just walked out the door.

Dorian and Thomas were still cuddled on the kitchen floor when they got back. Thomas stared blankly at them, still shell-shocked. He gently rocked his baby brother back and forth in his arms, Dorian’s small body shuddering with terrified tears.

Virgil’s heart lurched and he kneeled down in front of the two of them. He started rubbing Dorian’s back gently.

“Hey, little rattlesnake,” He whispered. “Would some Pop hugs help?”

Dorian sniffled a little and shifted to look at Virgil. His eyes flew wide and he re-buried himself in Thomas.

Thomas winced. “You- you’re covered in blood, Pops… “ He said. “It- that might not be the most comforting thing right now.”

“I want Daddy.” Dorian whimpered suddenly. “I want my Daddy…”

Virgil felt his heart shatter. And when he glanced behind him it looked like Logan wasn’t fairing much better.

Virgil swallowed hard. “Uh, Daddy had to go away for a bit, sport.”

“I know,” Dorian sniffled. “But- but I still…”

The rest of the sentence was lost to Thomas’ nightshirt. Thomas sighed heavily.

“I- I’ll get him to bed,” He said, rising with Dorian still in his arms. “It’s gonna be a long day tomorrow.”

Virgil nodded stiffly and watched the two of them leave. He stood there, frozen, until he felt Logan gently take him in his arms.

He shuddered into the embrace before completely giving in. He let himself shatter, outright sobbing into Logan’s arms. A flood’s worth of tears poured out of his face as his emotions overflowed into his remaining husband’s pajamas. Logan remained silent, just drawing circles into his back soothingly.

Eventually he gave a final, shuddering breath, eyes sore and throat tight. He pulled away and Logan rubbed his arms gently.

“Let’s go to bed, love.” Logan whispered.

Virgil nodded stiffly and let Logan lead him back to the bedroom.

He choked back a hysterical laugh. “You wanna know the worst thing? I think I still love him.”

Logan’s face was inscrutable, but his grip on Virgil tightened as they climbed into bed. Virgil wasn’t sure either of them would sleep tonight. But at least they had each other, even if their family was severed in two.

***

The bunker’s replacement wasn’t far, it was only meant to be temporary – a small apartment in a shady area until Roman could find another, better, bunker stand-in. It was a ratty thing, really. Only one room and a kitchen he had had to work around. It was a miracle all his new cabinets had fit, really. And the décor! Drab beige walls, and an ugly, tatted green carpet that looked better served on a pool table.

But, until further notice, it was now the residency of the second half of the Sanders family.

Roman frowned at the shoddy interior, but counted himself lucky that he’d yet to remove the furniture the woman next door insisted on giving him. It was only a bed and a couch, but it was better than just having a corpse cabinet.

Roman led the other three in and crossed to one of the cabinets. He carefully dug around until he fished out a bundle of spare clothes.

“I stashed these here in case Remy or I ever needed a change for some reason,” He explained. “There’s only enough for tomorrow, but I figure we should go shopping tomorrow anyway. Logan won’t think to cut us out of the bank account until the afternoon, and Virgil will worry him into waiting a few more days. So… yeah.”

He handed Patton and Emile a set of clothes each.

“I figure until we come up with something else this would be cheaper than a hotel,” Roman continued. “Remy and Emile can take the couch, and you and I can take the bed if-”

Roman’s speech stuttered to a stop. ‘If you still want me there with you,’ He thought. He… he had caused this whole mess of a situation. Patton may have stood by him but… but surely he was angry for causing this… spilt. There was no way he wouldn’t be. To be any less than furious would call for being a special kind of angel.

Patton reached over and gently stroked his cheek.

“The bed sounds lovely,” Patton said.

Roman smiled softly. He should have known Patton was exactly that kind of special angel. Hadn’t he always known that?

He leaned into the touch, covering Patton’s hand with his own.

“Thank you.” He whispered

He wasn’t just talking about the bed, either. Luckily Patton seemed to pick up on that.

“They hate us now, don’t they?” Remy said softly.

Roman turned to look at the twins. They were seated on the ratty couch, Emile’s arm around Remy, who looked on the brink of tears.

“They hate us,” he repeated. “Hate… me.”

Roman rushed to him, kneeling down and gently placing a hand on his knee.

“They could never hate you, ácaro,” Roman said. “Never in a million years. I think they’re… upset. But not with you, ácaro, never with you. They are far more upset with me, because no matter what you say, they believe I dragged you into it with me.”

Remy sniffled. “That’s dumb. That’s totally and completely dumb.”

Emile hugged him tightly and started whispering words that Roman couldn’t hear. Roman decided it was best to leave them be and went back to Patton. Patton wrapped him tightly in a hug. Roman gripped him back, almost terrified of what would happen if he let go.

At some point they ended up crashing onto the bed. At some point before that Roman started crying. He wasn’t sure about when either one started to transpire, just that they had - and that the bed felt entirely too empty.

***

Thomas was all too used to waking up to his youngest brother’s screams or terrified whimpers. Life wasn’t always kind, and more than once Dorian had crawled into his bed after a nightmare.

Tonight was only really different because it was three in the morning and Thomas still wasn’t asleep.

Which meant that he was able to head off the nightmare before it really started. He gentle shook Dorian, who woke up with a jolt. Once reality registered in his eyes again, he curled back into Thomas’ side. Thomas stroked his hair gently.

“You wanna talk about it?” He asked softly.

Dorian shivered. “We were in the kitchen. Papa and Remy were covered in blood. And then they started walking away and Pops tried to stop them, but the blood just got on him, and then Father tried to help him get it off and it just kept spreading and spreading and spreading until the whole room was red and then it filled with water, only it wasn’t water, it was like jello and then I turned to you and I said something I don’t remember and then I woke up.”

Thomas shifted, holding his little brother tighter. “It… It was just a dream, Dee. I promise.”

“On Scout’s honor?” Dorian asked.

“On Scout’s honor.” Thomas promised.

Dorian sniffled again, but let himself relax in Thomas’ arms. Soon enough, he fell back asleep, leaving Thomas once again alone with his thoughts.

***

Emile sighed and sat next to Remy at the cramped kitchen island. They stayed silent for a bit, looking out at their sleeping fathers.

“Rem,” Emile said softly. “You can’t just keep chugging coffee. You need to sleep.”

Remy took another large swallow from the mug, almost defiantly, but said nothing.

Emile sighed again. “If it’s nightmares you’re worried about, I’m not going anywhere tonight. Or ever, really. I-”

“Bull.” Remy finally said, voice monotone. “A whole crock of bull. One day you’re gonna marry Toby or some other nice little spouse and move into a nice little neighborhood and have some nice little kids and be a picturesque little family. You won’t need your evil twin hanging around and bogging down the scenery.”

Emile frowned. “You aren’t my evil twin.”

Remy shrugged and took another swig of his coffee.

“You aren’t!” Emile insisted. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re the better part of us.”

Remy snorted. “Oh, that’s rich. Remind me, which Sanders twin does the entire school love and which does it loathe? I’m not even surprised my best friend fell in love with you, there’s not a part of you that an actual human being could hate. The whole freaking school is probably in love with you.”

“Well if you wanna turn this into a competition, we can,” Emile huffed. “But I don’t think that’s the real problem here.”

“Whatever.” Remy said, taking another drink. “I’ll probably be in jail by your wedding anyways.”

Emile softened, there it was: the real problem. He gently put a hand over Remy’s which had the added bonus of keeping the mug on the counter.

“I know you’re scared,” Emile said softly. “We don’t know what’s going to happen next here, I don’t think anyone does. But we can’t let the fear of what’s ahead push us backwards or keep us from heading towards it. I’m here right beside you, Remy. Some people are worth melting for. I look at you… and I’m home.”

Remy chuckled half-heartedly. “You’re mixing up your refs, there, chief.”

“Nope. I’m allowed to jump train tracks.” Emile said.

Remy chuckled again, more full this time. He threw his arms around Emile and choked back another sob. Emile rubbed his back soothingly and just held him.

“I think that’s enough coffee for one night, yeah?”

Remy let out a wet laugh. “Ye-Yeah. Probably.”

“Think you can go to bed?” Emile asked, reaching over to pour the rest of the mug into the sink.

He felt Remy’s head shake.

“That’s okay,” Emile said. “Let’s just go to the couch and snuggle for a bit, okay?”

Remy nodded and Emile took the two of them to the couch. They ended up staying there for the rest of the night, each stewing in their own thoughts.


	13. Chapter Twelve

“What do you mean we still have to go to school?!” Remy exclaimed, looking between his dads incredulously.

Patton sighed, putting his hand on his son’s shoulder. “Kiddo, you guys still have to get your education. You can’t skip school just because of what happened two days ago.”

“Two days ago our family was literally split in two ‘cos everyone walked in on us dragging a body through the kitchen. I feel like that’s a good enough reason to miss school.” Remy countered, crossing his arms.

“Kids, listen to your dad. We’ve got stuff to do today, and it’ll be easier if you two aren’t here.” Roman said tiredly, and Patton gave him a sympathetic look.

“But what if Thomas is there? We go to the same school, remember?” Emile said, stepping forward.

“Well, then you tell him we say hi and ask him how his day’s going! Now, if you don’t leave now, you’ll be late.” Patton said, before moving to open the front door of the apartment and pushing his sons through. “Have fun at school!”

He pulled the door shut before Remy could argue then sighed, turning to Roman.

Patton’s face turned serious. “We need to talk about what to do next.”

Roman nodded, and the duo moved to sit on the couch.

“So… what now?” Roman asked slowly, glancing up at Patton.

“I… I don’t know…”

There was a moment of silence, neither quite knowing what to say, before Roman sighed.

“I’m gonna have to leave.”

“What?!” Patton exclaimed, his glasses almost falling off his nose as his head shot up.

“It’s the only thing that makes sense! Logan and Virgil will forgive the three of you- they think I forced Remy into this, so he’ll be fine. You three should just go back home, and I’ll… I’ll figure something out.” Roman pleaded, putting his hand on Patton’s leg.

“No.”

Roman’s eyes widened at Patton’s serious tone.

“We can send the kids back home if we need to, but I am not leaving you, okay?” Patton said firmly, putting his hand on top of Roman’s.

Roman sat in shocked silence for a few seconds, his mouth ajar. After a few moments, he spoke up again.

“Okay.” He said quietly, and Patton gave him a soft smile before leaning forward and gently pressing his lips to Roman’s.

***

For most of the journey to school, Emile and Remy walked in silence. They had almost arrived when Emile finally decided to speak up.

“So… what are we gonna do if we see Thomas?” He said slowly, glancing at his brother.

“I dunno, say hi, I guess?” Remy shrugged, his eyes hidden behind his new sunglasses.

“Remy, I’m serious.” Emile scolded, stepping in front of his brother and stopping, his arms crossed, so he had to pay attention to him.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. We’ll… ignore him, I guess? That shouldn’t be too hard, ‘cos, like, he’s definitely gonna avoid us after what happened Saturday.” Remy said, pushing his sunglasses further up his nose.

There was a moment of silence before Emile sighed, uncrossing his arms.

“Okay.”

He moved back to beside Remy, and the duo started walking again.

A few minutes later, they arrived at school, and a few minutes after that, they spotted Toby, standing by his locker and looking bored, surrounded by a group of people composed mostly of giggling girls.

“Hey, Toby!” Remy yelled from where they stood, quite a few feet away from Toby.

Everyone turned to look in their direction, most people’s faces turning fearful when they spotted Remy, but Toby just looked relieved. The group scattered when the twins began to approach Toby. When they reached him, he grinned.

“Thank god you’re here, those girls won’t stop asking me out – I’ve told them I’m gay a million times already. When will they stop?”

“Maybe they just think you’re hot.” Emile said absent-mindedly.

After a moment of silence, both Toby and Emile processed what was just said, turning bright red. Remy immediately started cackling, and they both turned to glare at him.

“Well, you are pretty hot, dude.” Remy said, after he had calmed down.

Toby blinked in surprise, his blush fading.

“Oh, uh- thanks, I guess.”

“But maybe you should just tell them that you like someone else, maybe then they’ll leave you alone. And then you can ask out the guy you actually like.” Remy grinned.

Both Emile and Toby glared at him again, before looking back at each other, accidentally making eye contact and blushing again.

“Well, uh…” Toby started.

There was a moment of silence as Toby searched for something to say.

He eventually settled on asking, “Where’s Thomas?”

Emile and Remy froze, making quick panicked eye contact.

“Uh… I dunno, why do you want to know?” Remy said defensively.

Toby raised his eyebrows, looking confused. “Uh…”

There was a moment of silence, before Toby glanced over Remy’s shoulder.

“Wait, isn’t that Thomas over there?” He said.

Remy and Emile spun around to look in that direction, their eyes landing on Thomas, who was standing, frozen, at the other end of the hallway. He locked eyes with Remy for a moment, before snapping out of his daze and quickly leaving.

Remy and Emile both frowned for a moment, looking visibly upset, before turning back to Toby.

“Is everything okay?” Toby asked softly.

“I… uh…” Emile stumbled over his words, glancing at Remy for an answer. His twin remained silent, so Emile sighed and continued slowly. “There was a… fight… in our family, and Thomas was on the other side of it. So, uh, I guess he’s… avoiding us now?”

Toby’s concerned look increased, and he looked like he was about to speak up, when Remy interrupted him.

“Look, we’d rather not talk about it, kay?” Remy snapped, looking like he felt bad immediately afterwards, but not redacting his statement.

Toby’s eyes widened. He was silent for a moment before slowly saying, “Okay…”

There were a few seconds of silence, before Toby spoke up again, changing the topic swiftly. “So, uh, did you guys revise for the math test today?”

“There’s a test?!” Remy and Emile exclaimed in unison.

***

Virgil and Logan were at work, sitting at their opposite desks and trying very hard to concentrate on their paperwork. Unfortunately, their paperwork was on the Prince, so they spent more time sending panicked looks to each other than they did actually working.

After half an hour of this, Logan was suddenly approached by their captain - Captain Sylvester.

“So, how’s the Prince case going, you two?” He said, coming up behind Logan and putting his hand on his shoulder, making both Logan and Virgil jump.

“Oh, uh, it’s… it’s the same. There’s no… no new evidence.” Virgil stammered.

There was a moment of silence as the captain gave them both confused (and concerned) looks.

“You two seem jumpy, are you okay?”

Logan coughed, before sitting up straighter and nodding at the captain. “We apologise, Sir, but we- uh, we didn’t get much sleep last night. I assure you that this won’t affect our abilities to get our work done.“

"Hmm, well, I’m sure it won’t. But maybe you two should have some green tea, it’s very relaxing and helps your immune system!” Captain Sylvester said, suddenly smiling.

“Uh, yeah, maybe we will.” Virgil said, and there was a moment of silence before someone on the other side of the room called the captain over and he walked over to them, leaving Logan and Virgil alone again.

They worked in silence for a few moments, but Virgil was getting visibly tenser and tenser as time passed. Eventually, something seemed to snap inside him, and he suddenly turned to his husband.

“Logan, will you come with me to the evidence room?”

Logan gave him a concerned look, before slowly responding with, “Okay.”

The two of them got up and made their way to the evidence room. Once they were there, Virgil shut the door, double checking they were alone before letting out a sigh of relief and turning to Logan.

“So, why did you want to bring me here?” Logan asked, his voice laced with concern and curiosity.

“The camera’s broken, remember? That means we can talk here without being overheard.” Virgil said quietly.

Logan’s brow creased. “Okay, and what did you want to talk about?”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “What do you think? We need to talk about what we’re going to do about Roman. Do we tell someone?“ His voice became increasingly panicked as he continued. "If we don’t now, and people find out we kept this a secret, what would happen to us? Would they take the children? What do we do?!”

Logan stepped forward and placed his hands on Virgil’s shoulders.

“Virgil, it’s okay, we’re not going to get in trouble, and we aren’t losing the kids.” Logan said softly, trying to calm Virgil down. “If we don’t turn Roman in now, and we get caught later, we can simply tell them that he has two of our children with him, and that we were scared for their safety. We’ll figure this out, don’t worry.”

There was a moment of silence

“I don’t want to turn him in.” Virgil said quietly, his voice sounding almost broken.

Logan sighed. “Neither do I.” He said softly.

There was a moment of silence before Virgil looked up, his eyes brimming with tears.

“Logan, what do we do? I… I don’t want them to find him - or to find Remy, but there’s so much evidence… it’s only a matter of time…”

“I…” Logan started, his heart breaking at how broken Virgil sounded.

There was another moment of silence.

“If we were to… destroy the evidence… how would we go about it? If we got caught doing that, it would make things so much worse for all of us.” Logan said slowly, glancing at the door again to double check that they wouldn’t be overhead.

Virgil paused for a moment before pulling an unused packet of cigarettes and a barely-used lighter out of his pocket, a strange determination in his wet eyes.

“We make it look like an accident.”

***

Thomas and Dorian were sitting in their living room, the latter half-heartedly showing his older brother some magic tricks. School was over for the day, and now they were at home, feeling overwhelmingly alone at how empty the house felt.

There was no Remy to gossip loudly about whatever went on at school that day, and there was no Emile to scold him about that. There was no Patton moving around the kitchen, making dinner, and there was no Roman loudly singing Disney songs as he helped him.

It was just… quiet. Their home was never quiet.

All of a sudden, they heard the front door open and Virgil and Logan walked in, stopping when they entered the living room and looking at their sons, their hearts sinking at the room’s emptiness.

“You’re home early, what happened?” Thomas asked.

Virgil flopped down onto the couch face-first, mumbling something no one could make out.

“Huh?” Dorian said, putting down his playing cards.

“We just got fired.” Logan said blankly, as if he still hadn’t taken in what had just happened.

“What?!” Thomas exclaimed, jumping to his feet.

Virgil sat up, running a hand through his already messy hair and sighing. “We ‘accidentally’ burned all the evidence for the Prince case.” He said, making quotation marks with his fingers as he said ‘accidentally’.

“Why?” Dorian asked.

There was a moment of silence, before Logan quietly spoke up.

“I don’t know.”


	14. Chapter Thirteen

Logan sighed: he should have known better than to leave Virgil alone for too long. He’d learned that when they worked their first B&E and Virgil cleaned out their cabinets of all snack food.

His husband was a stress eater; the empty tubs of ice cream on the counter were proof enough of that.

He peered around the kitchen, finally spotting Virgil hunched over on top of the fridge, like he often did before the kids were adopted. There was yet another tub in his hands, and a spoon in his mouth. Logan crossed the room and gently reached up took it out of his hands.

“Virgil, hon, you need to stop.” He said softly.

“No, I don’t,” Virgil said bitterly. “I’m doing us a favor. Once the power cuts off we won’t have to worry about the ice cream melting.”

“The power isn’t going to cut off,” Logan said, holding the spoon out of reach of Virgil’s grabby hands.

“Yes, it is.” Virgil said. “We don’t have jobs now, and the only thing we’re trained for is police work. But no one on the force will ever hire us again because our husband is the Prince and we burnt all the evidence that says so. So, to recap, we have no jobs, no outside experience, and no hope of getting other jobs. Ergo, we have no income, and no way to pay off our bills. Ergo our power will eventually get shut off. Ergo I need to eat all the ice cream now, while I still can. Also, we’re probably gonna get evicted, but that’s not ice cream related.”

Logan squinted at him. “I don’t think you fully grasp what the word ‘ergo’ means.”

Virgil groaned. “Just give me the spoon, Specs.”

“Unacceptable,” Logan said. “Virgil you cannot solve your problems by eating cold dairy in large quantities. The chil- Dorian and Thomas will return home shortly, and you do not want them to see you curled on top of our refrigerator when they arrive.”

Virgil grumbled, but reluctantly got off, practically melting from the top of the fridge to the floor. Logan fought back an eye roll and instead snagged the remaining ice cream from his hands, putting it back in the freezer before joining his husband on the floor.

He scooped Virgil into his arms and kissed off some of the ice cream lingering around his mouth.

“Our power isn’t going to get shut off,” Logan said, his voice as calming and even as he could make it. “We aren’t going to get evicted, and we will eventually find new jobs. Things may be tight monetarily for a little while, but we will recover.”

Hesitantly, and very slowly, Virgil nodded.

Softly, the spoke again. “We burned all the evidence, Lo. I know we told everyone it was an accident, but it wasn’t. Does that count as making a choice? Is it the right one? I don’t- I’ve always wanted to be a detective. A policeman. Someone who does some good and protects others. And now I’ve thrown all that away to protect someone I think that I love, that I think I know. But he was hiding this big secret from us… what else could he have been hiding, Logan?”

Logan sighed again, rubbing circles into Virgil’s back. “I don’t know. I just don’t know.”

Virgil barked out a laugh. “Aren’t you supposed to know everything?”

Logan’s lip twitched, but he said nothing.

“…What are we gonna do?” Virgil asked. “We burned the evidence. We agreed we don’t want to turn him in but… what does that mean?”

Logan sighed, deep and long. “We made a decision yesterday, in a way. We do not want to turn him in, that we verbalized. Then we made certain that no one else would be able to turn him in either. It would appear that we do not want him to get caught. Which leaves us with two options: either we carry on as we have been and allow them to live on, separate from us and the possibility of capture. Or… we call them. And we all have a long talk.”

Virgil snuggled deeper into him with a small whine. “I’m tired of this. I know it hasn’t been a long time, but it’s been over a decade since it was just two of us. Almost as long since there were only four people in the house. It’s too quiet and the bed is too empty, and I hate everything. I found Remy’s sunglasses last night and started crying! That’s not normal! I’m tougher than that, but…”

He trailed off and Logan ran a hand through his hair soothingly. “I know. I don’t like it either.”

“I just want him back, but how are we supposed to justify that, Lo? How are we supposed to be okay with him going out and murdering people?” Virgil exclaimed.

Logan hesitated. “I found something yesterday. While we were burning files. It’s far from a justification but… it is a possible explanation. Ro- The Prince’s first murder was a mass of people, all making a trail to a certain politician. After a bit of poking around I found a record saying that there was a lawsuit attempt by one Roman Kingsley on the grounds of raping and killing his mother, Delfina Kingsley. It’s not… It isn’t a proper explanation or anything beyond a theory but his victims to tend to follow the pattern of corrupt businesspeople, politicians, or anyone guilty of sexual harassment.”

Virgil took a shaky breath. “Lo… I think we need to call Patton.”

Logan nodded slowly. “May I borrow your phone?”

***

“Food’s ready!” Patton said with mock cheerfulness.

Roman groaned and reluctantly got up from his somehow-comfy place on the lumpy mattress. He shuffled over to the countertop, where Patton had placed the finished mac and cheese.

It was, like all their food lately, from a box. Easy to throw in a bag and move if they had to suddenly relocate. Not the best, and it didn’t compare to Patton’s usual cooking, but it was food. Roman was just grateful they were able to get it, as well as clothes for everyone and replacement sunglasses for Remy.

Roman bit down on a spoonful and gave Patton a weak smile.

“Wonderful as always, darling.”

Patton’s lips twitched upwards and he fixed himself a bowl. “Thanks.”

The two sat in silence for a while before Patton spoke again.

“So, we never finished talking, yesterday,” He said. “What’s the plan? What do we do?”

Roman shrugged halfheartedly, which made Patton frown, but he kept going.

“I mean, we can’t leave it in their hands forever,” He said. “We have to do something or… or we’ll get stuck. I have some family up in Canada. They know some people, we can go there and… I don’t know… hide?”

“I don’t want to hide from them, Patton,” Roman said miserably. “I want to be with them. I want to ever be apart from them. And yet… here we are.”

“Do you regret it?” Patton asked suddenly. “All the murders and death, do you regret it?”

Roman looked at him, startled. He thought for a long moment before answering.

“I deeply regret what it has caused,” He said quietly. “But there are very few victims I actually find myself wishing I could take back.”

Patton hummed. “Steve Cooke?”

“He’s one of them, yes.” Roman said. “I didn’t even think about killing him at the time. I just did it. I think that’s the worst part, really. But he isn’t the only one. Every truly innocent life I’ve ever taken I’ve wanted to give back. I only ever wanted the wicked dead but this- this trail of blood I have created is soaked in innocents as well as the guilty. I think that’s the only thing I’ll ever truly regret.”

Patton placed a hand on his shoulder gently. “You need to tell them that.”

Roman snorted. “Yes, I will be sure to do that the instant they aren’t reaching for handcuffs to slap on my wrists.”

Patton rolled his eyes. “First of all, handcuffs aren’t that difficult to get out of. Second, I’m almost positive that the chance will come. And soon.”

Roman looked up at him with misty eyes. “How can you be so sure of that?”

Patton opened his mouth to reply when his phone started playing the sound of _Cheer Up Charlie_ from Charlie and the Chocolate factory. Virgil’s ringtone. They both jumped, and Patton scrambled to answer it.

“Hello?” He asked, voice shaking.

“Patton,” Logan said, voice muffled by the receiver but sounding relieved. “I think we need to talk.”


	15. Chapter Fourteen

"Just be careful, okay?” Roman said, his hand on Patton’s shoulder and his eyes wide and full of concern.

“Roman, love, what’s the worst that could happen?” Patton smiled back at him.

“Uh, they could arrest you?” Roman fussed, taking the hand off of Patton’s shoulder and running it through his hair, pacing back and forth. “They could force you to say where we are and then arrest all of us. They could dress you up in drag and make you do the hula. They could demand the children back. They could tie you up and throw you in the basement. They could kidnap you and use you as bait to lure me out. They could-”

“Ro, we don’t even have a basement.”

Patton put his hands on Roman’s shoulders, stopping him in his tracks and looking him in the eye.

“And, Sweetheart, this is Logan and Virgil we’re talking about, not characters from one of your novels. I’ll go there, talk to them, and be back in a few hours. We need to sort this out, so I’m going to explain our side of the story to them, okay?” Patton said softly, giving Roman a small, soothing smile.

There was a moment of silence as Roman searched Patton’s eyes for any signs that he might be lying. He found nothing, so just sighed in response.

“Okay.”

Patton’s smile widened, and he stood up on his tip-toes to press a soft kiss to Roman’s lips. It lasted only a few moments before Patton pulled away again, taking his hands off of Roman’s shoulders and stepping back, their hands brushing for only a moment.

“Well, I’ll see you in a few hours.” He smiled, stepping towards the door and pulling it open.  “Bye!”

“Bye.” Roman said quietly, clearly still unhappy that Patton was going alone.

Patton paused for a moment before leaning forwards again, kissing Roman’s cheek, and then stepping back, giving his husband one last smile before walking out the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

***

Logan drummed his fingers on the coffee table impatiently, his eyes drifting all around the room, but landing mostly on Virgil, who sat beside him, his arms crossed and his legs bouncing. The two had been sitting in silence for the past few minutes, until Virgil finally spoke up.

“Do you think he’ll show up?”

“I… well, he said he would, and Patton wouldn’t lie about that.” Logan said slowly, his fingers pausing mid-tap.

“He lied to us for 12 years about Roman.” Virgil said dryly, giving Logan a pointed look.

There was a moment of silence before Logan sighed, and responded with, “I… I suppose you’re right, but I’d like to think he wouldn’t lie about this.”

The silence continued for a few more minutes, until the doorbell finally rang. Their eyes both widened as they jumped up in unison. They made eye contact for a second before rushing to the front door.

Logan reached for the handle and paused for a moment, glancing up at Virgil, who just shrugged, before sighing and pulling the door open.

Standing awkwardly just outside the door was Patton, in a pastel skirt and sweater, shuffling from one foot to the other and fiddling with his sleeves. When the door opened, he glanced up in surprise, his eyes wide.

“Oh, uh… hi?” He said quietly, giving them an awkward smile.

There was a moment of silence, before Patton spoke up again.

“Can I come in?”

***

A few minutes later, the three of them were sitting in the living room in silence. Logan and Virgil were sat on one couch, and Patton was seated on the other.

“So, uh, how come you two aren’t at work today?” Patton asked, glancing up at them.

“We got fired.” Virgil said simply, his expression blank.

“What?” Patton jumped, mouth agape.

Logan and Virgil glanced at each other for a moment, before Logan turned back to facing Patton and sheepishly said, “We… set fire to all the evidence for the Prince case?”

“What? Why would you do that?” Patton exclaimed, his eyes wide.

Logan and Virgil looked surprised, as if they hadn’t expected him to ask that question.

“I… I don’t know.” Virgil stumbled over his words, looking uncomfortable, and Logan put his hand on Virgil’s knee to comfort him.

Patton looked between the two of them a few times before leaning back again and sighing.

“Did you at least make it look like an accident?”

“Oh, of course.” Logan said. “We took a packet of cigarettes and a lighter and pretended that we had been smoking and lit the evidence on fire that way.”

“Wait, so you were right by an open flame? You could have gotten hurt!” Patton exclaimed again, his eyes wide with concern.

Logan and Virgil gave each other confused looks.

“I… I guess? But we were careful, we didn’t get hurt.” Logan explained, pushing his glasses further up his nose.

There was another moment of silence before Virgil spoke up again, changing the subject.

“So, uh, where have you guys been staying these past few days?” He asked.

Patton smiled sadly. “I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that.”

“Well, why not?” Logan said indignantly.

“Well, Roman and agreed not to tell you where we’re staying, just in case things… don’t go well, today.” Patton said slowly, staying calm.

“But what about Remy and Emile?” Logan snapped, slightly more aggressively than he meant to.

“What about them?” Patton responded, keeping his voice level.

“You… you can’t just let them stay with Roman! He’s a murderer!” Virgil exclaimed, leaning forward angrily.

“Yes, he is, and so is Remy. Have you completely given up on him, too?”

“I… well, no, but that’s different-” Logan started defensively, before being interrupted by Patton.

“Is it? The only real difference I see here is that Remy’s been doing this for two years and Roman’s being doing it for twelve, and something tells me that that’s not the problem here.” Patton said coolly.

“Remy’s a child! The Prince-” Logan said slightly angrily.

“Roman.” Patton said.

“What?” Logan asked, blinking a few times in surprise.

“His name is Roman, and you know that.” Patton said, slightly forcefully.

“I… uh…” Logan stuttered.

“You know, I think that’s the problem here.” Patton said, crossing his arms, his face neutral. “You’re thinking of Roman as the Prince and the Knight as Remy. You don’t see them as Roman and Remy, or the Prince and the Knight, you’re seeing them as the Prince and Remy, and you need to change that. Either view them both one way, or both the other way. It’s not fair to either of them if you don’t.”

Logan and Virgil sat in shocked silence, having no idea how to respond to that, so Patton just continued.

"And Roman isn’t some kind of monster, do you really think he’d force Remy to do something like that? I know you’d like to believe the Prince would do something like that, but do you honestly believe Roman would?”

There was another moment of silence as Virgil and Logan processed Patton’s words.

“No.” Virgil said quietly

“Exactly.” Patton said, calming slightly.

There was another moment of silence, before Logan finally spoke up again, his voice sounding quieter, more broken.

“I… I just don’t understand WHY he did it. How could he… how could they do something like this?” He said, looking up at Patton, who softened, looking in thought for a few moments, before responding.

“Do you two know what happened to his mother, Delfina?”

“I… I think so?” Logan said. “We know she was killed, and that Roman attempted to file a lawsuit against those who he believed had done it, but that he failed, and the group were never brought to justice.”

“And we know that the Prince later killed every one of those men. They were the ones believed to be his first victims.” Virgil continued.

“Well, you’re right.” Patton said, nodding. “They were his first victims, and they were gonna be his only ones too, did you know that?”

Virgil’s eyes widened. “Wait, really? What happened?”

“He saw a guy in a bar about to harm a woman, and he stopped him, killing that man in the process. And then he just… continued. But do you know what happened before that?” Patton said.

“What?” Logan asked.

“He met us and fell in love.” Patton said simply.

There was another moment of silence, so Patton continued, to emphasize his point.

“When he first met us, he wasn’t planning on staying the Prince.”

“Oh…” Virgil said quietly, fiddling with his hands.

There was another silence, before Logan sat up straighter, his face turning serious again.

“Well, no matter how honourable his reasons are, we still can’t excuse the fact that he’s a murderer!” He said, crossing his arms. “We can’t just let that go, how are we supposed to just let him back into our home after this?”

Patton looked him in the eye, his face neutral.

“Logan, if you’re going to kick out everyone in the family who’s killed someone, then Emile’s the only one coming home.”

Virgil and Logan’s eyes widened, and they gave him slightly horrified looks.

“Wait, Patton, does that mean you’ve -”

“I had an interesting childhood.” Patton said simply.

“I… uh, what?” Virgil stuttered, and Logan grabbed his hand for comfort.

“I don’t think now’s the time to talk about this. I was planning on telling the whole family at once… but whether or not that’ll happen is up to you.” Patton said, giving them a pointed look as he said the last part.

“What?”

“We need to talk: all eight of us.“ Patton said, leaning forward. "We can’t let this break us apart! We- we’re still a family. And I know that Roman still loves you and I know you still love him. So… please. Just give him a chance.” He sounded almost like he was pleading with them as he said the last part.

Logan and Virgil looked at each other, silently debating what to do. After a few seconds of this, Virgil sighed.

"Okay.”

Patton smiled softly at them. “Thank you.”

“How about Saturday?” Logan asked. “The kids won’t be at school and we’ll have the whole day to talk if necessary.”

“Sounds perfect.” Patton nodded.

There was a moment of silence before Patton continued.

“You two need to make sure your talk to Remy too.” He said, before frowning slightly. “This whole thing has been… hard… on him. I’ve heard him crying to Emile at night about how he thinks you hate him.”

Logan and Virgil’s eyes widened.

“I- what, but… no, we could never…” Virgil said, almost pleading with Patton to understand.

“I know you don’t, but he doesn’t. You need to talk to him, you need to talk to BOTH of them.” Patton said softly.

Logan was about to speak up and continue, but he was interrupted by the sound of the front door slamming open and Dorian and Thomas stepping inside.

“We’re home!” Dorian yelled, and they could hear him dumping his bag at the bottom of the stairs (likely to take it up later) and kicking his shoes off.

A few moments later, both Thomas and Dorian entered the living room, freezing when they saw Patton.

“Dad?” Dorian said quietly.

“Uh… hi?” Patton said, giving an awkward smile.

Dorian paused, before suddenly launching himself at Patton, pulling him into a big hug.

“Oh my gosh, Dad, you’re here! I’m so sorry, I missed you so much, please don’t ever leave us again!” Dorian cried, burying himself in Patton’s shoulder.

Patton hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around Dorian and pulling him even closer.

“It’s okay, I’m here now.” Patton said softly, pressing a kiss to Dorian’s forehead.

After a few moments, Dorian pulled away and looked at him with wide, tear-filled eyes.

“Are you leaving again?” Dorian asked quietly.

“I… well, yes. But I’ll be back on Saturday, with everyone else.” Patton said, feeling his heart break at Dorian’s face drop and his bottom lip quivered.

Patton paused, glancing at Logan and Virgil for a moment.

“And, uh, whether or not we come home for real will be up to your Pop and Father.”

Dorian deflated even more. “Oh…”

Patton glanced at the clock on the wall, his brow creasing when he saw the time.

“Sorry, kiddo, but I should get going now.” Patton said gently, and Dorian reluctantly climbed off of him.

Patton looked at Logan and Virgil for a moment before getting up and heading towards the door. He stopped when he reached Thomas, and there was a moment of silence before Thomas reached out and pulled him into a hug.

“I love you, kiddo.” Patton whispered.

“I love you too, Dad.”


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Remy had not been looking forward to their big “family meeting.” Was it nice to be home after weeks in a cramped apartment? Sure. But he would have liked to be there under literally any other circumstances: maybe under the cloak of night as he and the others fled to another country.

But Dad had said that that was a “bad plan,” and that he was “overreacting.” So, instead, they were all gathered on the front porch, ringing their own doorbell, which felt weird for a number of reasons.

Father answered the door eventually. He looked worse than Remy had ever seen him, with eye-bags to rival Pop’s eyeshadow, his hair a veritable rat’s nest, and his tie just messy enough to notice if you really knew him. The knot looked like a toddler had done it while he was asleep, and it was roughly an inch away from its usual place at his throat.

Remy winced. He and Papa had caused that. Whether directly or indirectly, it was their fault. Before he had much more time to feel guilty, he and Emile were quickly scooped into Logan’s arms.

“You’re alright,” He said, voice soft and course, as if he’d been crying. “You’re alright. Thank goodness.”

Remy’s arms wrapped around him of their own accord, running into Emile’s on their journey. Remy squeezed their Father tight as he felt Emile rub soft circles into his back.

“Of course, we are,” Emile said softly. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

It was a dangerous sentence, bordering on a challenge. If Remy didn’t know better, he’d think that Emile’s gentle personality had been temporarily swapped for his own berating one.

Luckily, Father didn’t rise to the bait, instead letting them go and standing up straight. He gave them all a thin smile and invited them inside. Remy stepped in nervously, then silently berated himself for feeling nervous because _this was his own dang house!_

He flinched at the door shutting and turned to see Father stiffly skirting his way around Papa and Dad. His eyes softened when caught sight of Emile and Remy standing there awkwardly.

“Thomas and Dorian are in the living room,” He said. “I would highly recommend checking in with the two of them before we get much-”

“Papa!”

Father was cut off by a small exclamation and a ball of yellow fabric being hurled at Roman. Dorian sobbed into his shoulder desperately, clinging as if letting go would make him disappear.

“I’m sorry!” He cried. “I’m sorry I got scared, I won’t be scared anymore, please don’t go away again!”

It was clear from Papa’s face that his heart had just shattered into pieces. He held Dorian tightly and started rocking back and forth on his heels.

“Shhh, it’s okay little Baron,” Papa soothed. “It’s alright. I’m sorry that I scared you, that was my fault not yours.”

“Are you leaving again?” Dorian sniffled.

Papa opened his mouth, but hesitated, glancing at Father.

Logan cleared his throat stiffly and gently pried Dorian off of Roman and set him on the ground.

“We- Your fathers all need to talk, Dorian.” He said. “Why don’t you take Remy and Emile upstairs?”

Dorian turned, surprised, having apparently not seen either of them. He bit his lip in a move that Remy recognized as restraint. He probably wanted to launch himself at them next.

Remy faked a scoff and rolled his eyes before draping an arm over his little brother.

“C’mon, squirt, you can help me find my sunglasses.” He said.

Dorian’s face brightened until it bordered on megawatt territory and he threw his arms around Remy’s middle.

“I missed you,” He whispered.

Remy softened and ran a hand through Dorian’s hair. “Yeah. Missed you too, screwball.”

“Do I get a hug?” Emile asked playfully.

Dorian was dragging him into the hug almost before he was done talking. He almost seemed to be trying to figure out exactly how tight he could squeeze before they started protesting. Jokes on him, Remy had exactly zero plans to ever move him again.

That is, until someone else entered the foyer and started making noise.

Thomas cleared his throat nervously and Remy’s head shot up to face him. He shuffled awkwardly and threw a thumb over his shoulder.

“The dads are all in the dining room,” He said. “They said something about leaving us be for a bit while they talked. And uh… well, I wanted to talk too.”

Remy shuffled so that Emile and Dorian were in front of him.

“So, talk then,” Remy said, hating how his voice shook.

Hurt flashed over Thomas’ face, but he nodded. “I’ve got an… I guess unique perspective on all this. I won’t go into it right now, but, suffice to say, I’ve never really thought the Prince and the Knight were made of pure evil like everyone else did. Or… does, I guess. But even so, I made a gigantic mistake. I started thinking of you as the Knight instead of as my little brother. It doesn’t matter how long I did that, even an instant was too long and… and I’m sorry.”

Thomas straightened to his full height and Remy was vividly reminded of how much smaller he was comparatively.

“We’re a family,” Thomas continued. “Not because of blood or anything like that, but because at one point each of us chose to be. We make that choice every day. And I forgot that. I- I don’t want to say I don’t care or that it doesn’t bug me, because that’d be a lie. But I do wanna say that you’re my little brother. And I’m standing at your side anyway.”

Tears pooled in Remy’s eyes and he walked over to Thomas. He socked him in the shoulder, not hard enough to bruise though.

“Shut up,” Remy sniffled. “You’re such a sap.”

Thomas’ face changed from one of hurt to fond amusement. “So… am I forgiven?”

Remy absently scrubbed at his eyes. “I mean, yeah. At least for all that. Not for making me cry, though. Or for wearing that hideous tee shirt.”

Thomas looked down at the flower-patterned skull on his chest. “What’s wrong with it?”

“It’s hideous.” Remy said. “Way too bright for me to ever be seen in public with you.”

Thomas smirked and ran a hand down his chest, flipping it to an actual skull. “Better?”

Remy’s nose wrinkled. “No. Now you’re goth. Only one of us can wear black at a time, Thomathy, come on.”

“Whatever, you rascal.” Thomas said.

He locked an arm around Remy’s neck and rubbed his knuckles into his hair. Remy shrieked and feigned trying to get away. He didn’t really want to, though. This was the most affection he’d gotten from Thomas since the split and he was reluctant to leave it.

Especially after it melted into a hug. Dorian and Emile joining said hug was only further incentive to never move again.

***

Roman, Patton, and Logan scooted past the kids and sat down at the table with Virgil. Roman shifted awkwardly in his seat and grasped Patton’s hand.

Virgil and Logan sat across from the two of them, obviously just as uncomfortable as Roman was.

“So…” Virgil started. “How have you been?”

Roman smiled tightly. “Just fine. Holding in as well as one would expect, I suppose.”

Virgil nodded absently. “Right, right. Can I ask where you guys are staying?”

Roman’s mouth twitched into a smirk. “I don’t know, _can_ you?”

Virgil gave him a flat look. “Wow. Is it cheap jokes o’clock already?”

Roman shrugged. “Might as well be. It’s half past awkward tension, at least.”

Virgil’s mouth twitched, but he didn’t smile. “Seriously, though, where are you guys staying? Is it safe?”

“I don’t want to tell you that and then turn around and get arrested, Virgil.” Roman sighed. “I… It’s safe, but if I tell you, it won’t be.”

Logan winced. “If that is your worry then let me assure you, it is no longer an obstacle. Virgil and I are… temporarily out of work.”

Roman’s eyes widened. “You’re what?”

“Please don’t shout-” Virgil started, but Patton cut him off.

“I’ve already reprimanded them, Ro.” Patton said. “Trust me.”

“What on earth caused you to lose your jobs?” Roman exclaimed.

Virgil winced. “We may have… started a fire that burned all evidence connecting you to The Prince.”

“You… You what?” Roman stammered. “You… why would you do that?”

Virgil shrugged, and Logan looked studiously down at the table.

“We invited you here to hear you out,” Logan said. “To hear your side of the story. Until then, we are… reluctant to have anyone else bring you in. If at all.”

Hope swelled in Roman’s chest. “Does this mean-”

“Don’t push it.” Virgil snapped. “We’re still incredibly mad, and for good reason. But we wanted to at least hear you out.”

Roman’s heart sank, but he nodded. “Right. I suppose that’s fair.” He took a deep breath. “It’s not- it’s not exactly a happy story…”

Patton squeezed Roman’s hand again and he flashed him a brief, tight, smile. He took another deep breath before starting to do what he did best. Weave a story.

“Growing up, it was only me and my mother.” He said. “She was the very definition of a fiery spirit. We never had much in the way of cash, but she had a talent for making even the humblest of surroundings feel like the richest of splendors. It was a lot of hard work raising me, I know that, but she never seemed to mind much, or at least- she never complained. She worked three jobs, two of which never paid her what she was worth. And the third…The third is the one that-”

He choked, and Patton squeezed his hand even tighter.

“She was just a waitress. She worked tables at a bar downtown. But one man- Mr. Max Carlyle- decided that she was more. He came to the bar every day, never leaving her alone. She hated him, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. One day my mother… she had enough. She told him very firmly that he was to either leave her alone or be banned from the bar. He… he didn’t like that.

“The police found her in an alley two days later. He’d had his way and then made sure no one else ever could. I was only fifteen at the time, but I demanded justice. Or maybe it was revenge. I don’t know… I filed a lawsuit, and when that didn’t work I started training. Swords, guns, the works. It took years. And when I was skilled enough I marched right into Carlyle’s building with the intent to kill him. I-I’m not proud to say that in my rage I took out several innocents on my path to him, but after that, I stopped. Or rather- I had planned to stop.

“My books had taken off. _A Dozen Years of Blood_ was selling like hotcakes. I had met three beautiful men, and we were set to be married. Life was going well. I went out to the bar one night to celebrate and… I don’t know what happened honestly. A man was making a woman uncomfortable - I sat and watched him put something in her drink! And I thought ‘that’s my mother. That happened to her. It’s happening again.’ And I just… one thing led to another. And before I knew it he was through the end of my sword.

“And after that I made a vow. No one else was going to get hurt, not on my watch. Only the ones who absolutely deserved it.”

“What about Sergeant Cooke?” Virgil asked softly.

Roman winced. “That was an accident. I-um… I’m not very good at keeping witnesses from the scene and sometimes it just… happens.”

“Just happens?” Logan asked. “How does murder ‘just happen?’”

“Reflex, mostly.” Roman said. “Showing off, sometimes. But I swear I truly mean it when I say I only kill those who deserve it.”

Virgil ran a hand through his hair and Logan heaved out a large breath.

“I think,” Logan said. “That Virgil and I are going to have to discuss this on our own for a few minutes.”

Roman nodded shakily. “Do you want us to leave for a bit, then?”

“No!” Virgil barked.

He clapped a hand over his mouth, looking startled by his own voice. He lowered his hand sheepishly.

“No, just- um. You stay here, we’re gonna go talk in the bedroom.” Virgil said.

Roman nodded again and he and Patton watched the two of them head upstairs. After they were out of sight Patton wrapped his arms around Roman.

“That was a really brave thing you did, honey.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to Roman’s cheek. “I’m surprised you held it together so well.”

As soon as he said that, the dam broke. Tears were flooding down Roman’s face faster than his brain could process. Patton held him there until they ebbed, gently running a hand through his hair.

Almost as quickly as it had begun, it was over. Roman was sniffling, wiping at his face as if scrubbing would erase that his tears had ever existed.

Patton kissed him again and gave him a final squeeze before straightening.

“You go and wait in the living room, okay? I’m gonna take this chance to make everyone some actual food, and I’ll be out with your coffee in just a minute, okay?”

Roman nodded shakily and headed for the living room, only to stop dead in his tracks.

Thomas was there, sitting on the couch by himself. He looked quiet and pensive, looking away from Roman and staring out the window at the dull gray sky. The light from it fell across his face in an almost picturesque way.

“You know, everyone my age talks about the first time they heard about the Prince,” Thomas said, breaking through the stillness. “It’s almost like hearing nine eleven stories. Where you were, what you were doing, how old you were. What you felt.”

Roman winced. He opened his mouth to apologize but Thomas started speaking again before he could.

“I’ve never shared mine,” he said softly. “Not because I was embarrassed, but because… well because of the long story that comes with it.”

He turned to face Roman and gave him a thin smile. He patted the seat next to him and Roman cautiously sat down next to him.

“You read our history when you adopted us, didn’t you? Mine and Dorian’s?” He asked.

Roman nodded. “We read all your files. As much as we could. We didn’t adopt you because of them, though.”

Thomas smiled a little. “I know. I know you guys better than that. Still… the files don’t say everything.”

The papa bear switch flicked on in Roman’s head and he put a hand on Thomas’ shoulder.

“You don’t have to tell me anything. We aren’t under any obligations here-”

“I want to.” Thomas said. “I had this all planned out, stop ruining my monologue.”

Roman swallowed a snort and nodded for him to continue.

“Mine and Dorian’s parents weren’t, uh… they weren’t good,” Thomas said. “They left us alone all the time and …he’s not my _dad_ but I don’t know his real name. I was… what eight? I don’t know. Young. But he’d scream at me all the time for the smallest thing. My… my mom didn’t care much. Her focus was always on Dorian.

“She couldn’t stand that a kid with vitiligo and heterochromia came out of her. She called him all kinds of ugly things. It was awful. One day she got drunk and got a bunch of sandpaper. She tried to…” Thomas paused, steeling himself for the next part.

Roman rubbed his arm sympathetically. Thomas flashed him a grateful smile.

“She tried to ‘fix him,’ I guess,” Thomas said, voice shaken. “Honestly, I don’t care what she was trying to do. I just picked him up and ran out. I didn’t stop running for four blocks, and that was just because I tripped. A lady saw us from her house and called CPS and well… the rest is history.

“We got adopted by you guys, and I got attached. I decided pretty quick that I never wanted to leave you all.”

Roman’s brow furrowed. “What does all this have to do with… oh.”

A light bulb went off in his head. Thomas smiled.

“Yup. I was sitting on the living room floor when I saw the news report. I was just barely old enough to understand. Or to recognize her. _That_ was no easy task, by the way. Especially with her skin sliced to hell and back. In the exact pattern of Dorian’s vitiligo.”

Roman’s mouth twitched. “I thought for sure it would get me caught. But it was worth it to see the woman who hurt my sons so much dead.”

Thomas chuckled. “I can’t exactly say I mourned her. The best description for her is a long string of words Dad would ground me for. Maybe that’s why, but I never really thought of the Prince as a villain. A vigilante, maybe. One like… Red Hood. Who kills because death is the best way to make sure the wicked won’t come back.”

Roman wrinkled his nose. “Didn’t Red Hood die?”

“Yes, but he came back.” Thomas laughed. “My point is: I never… you’re still my dad. You’re still one of the dudes who took in me and my three-year-old brother, you’re just also the dude who took revenge for us. And I couldn’t hate you for that.”

Roman wrapped his arms around Thomas and gripped him tightly.

“I love you.” Roman whispered.

Thomas squeezed back tightly. “I love you too, Papa.”

A throat cleared, drawing their attention back to the stairs. Virgil and Logan were standing there, looking tense and pensive.

“Okay.” Virgil said. “We- okay.”

“Okay?” Roman asked. “You- You’re going to have to give me a bit more to go on than that.”

Virgil took a deep breath. “We want you to stay. We’re still mad. We don’t completely forgive you and we certainly can’t forget any of it. But…”

“We miss you.” Logan said. “You and Patton and the twins… But- ugh! I hate being sentimental!”

Logan dragged a hand down his face and Virgil rubbed his arm sympathetically. Roman snorted softly. They were all familiar with Logan’s dislike of being overly emotional. And if he was disliking emotions now…

Roman smothered the beam on his face. “You missed me that much?”

Virgil glared at him, but it was playful and had no real heat behind it.

“You aren’t the only one we missed, genius.” He said.

“But you missed me!” Roman said, jumping to his feet. “You miiiiiisssed meeee. You want me to staaaaaaay.”

Logan gave him a fake glower. “Not if you continue doing that.”

“Too late!” Roman said. “You said ‘okay,’ that means I’m staying.”

He picked Thomas up and started dancing with him, much to Thomas’ amusement. They both started giggling, something in the house finally clicking back into place. Virgil and Logan looked at them with their usual brand of exasperated amusement, which was so, so much better than the hate-filled glares that had plagued Roman’s nightmares.

Dorian and the twins poked their head downstairs, only moments before Dorian darted down and demanded his chance to dance with Papa. Thomas only laughed, grabbing Remy instead and twirling him across the room. Emile giggled and grabbed Logan’s hands, dragging him into the music-less waltz. Virgil was almost doubled over in laughter at their husband’s distress.

Patton giggled from the kitchen, drawing everyone’s attention.

“I’m glad everyone’s worked up an appetite,” He said, eyes sparkling. “I just finished dinner, so everybody better come in here and park their tushes in a seat to eat it.”

Everyone scrambled to the dining room. Dorian fell a little behind, stumbling over the couch leg. Roman laughed and hoisted him up, lifting him onto his shoulders with a shriek of delight.

Roman smiled. Everything may not be right just yet, but they were okay. They were together, and they were safe. And right now, that was all that mattered.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

The family were all (but Patton) sat around their dining room table, waiting for dinner and sitting in silence. They were all looking around awkwardly, fiddling with cutlery and clothing, and both Remy and Roman were avoiding eye contact with Logan and Virgil, just in case.

After a few minutes of almost unbearable silence, Logan finally spoke up, turning to Roman.

“So… now can you tell us where you’ve been staying this past few days?”

Roman sat up straight, blinking a few times in surprise before starting to answer the question. “Oh- uh, well… you know how you guys found our bunker?” He paused whilst Virgil and Logan nodded slowly. “I bought an apartment to replace it, and that’s where we’ve been staying this past week or so.”

There was a brief moment of silence as they absorbed the information, before Virgil raised his eyebrows and said, “Wait, you’ve been staying in the same place you keep corpses?”

Roman hesitated, giving a small awkward smile. “Uh… yes?”

“Roman, that’s incredibly unsanitary.” Logan scolded disapprovingly.

“There weren’t any bodies in it at the time!” Roman defended, holding his hands up in mock surrender. “Plus, me and Remy clean it all the time, so it’s perfectly safe!”

“Yeah, we always spend, like, hours cleaning up.” Remy added, complaining as he leant back on his chair, arms crossed. “It’s boring as heck, but Pa seems to think it’s necessary.”

Roman sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose as he glanced at Remy, who was sat beside him. “Remy, this is why you’re not in charge.”

“Well, that and the fact that I’m 14 and you’re one of my dads.”

There was a short pause, before Roman conceded, “Well, yes, that too.”

After another brief moment of silence, Virgil said to Roman, “Can I ask you something?”

“Uh, yeah?” Roman responded, confused.

“Why did you let us find your bunker?”

Roman’s eyes widened, and he made an embarrassed squeaking noise, running his hand through his hair. “Uh, well- um…”

Virgil gave him a deadpan stare. “It was an accident, wasn’t it?”

Roman sighed. “Yeah.”

Virgil sighed, before looking up at his husband and son incredulously. “How?”

“Because they’re idiots!” Emile exclaimed all of a sudden from where he sat on Remy’s other side, slamming the palms of his hands against the table.

Everyone turned to look at him, and his face going slightly pink.

“Sorry. I just… I’ve waited literally a year to tell you guys how obvious you are.” He explained. “I’m honestly _shocked_ that everyone else didn’t find out sooner. You wanna know how I found out? I literally found a human toe on the kitchen floor, I took it to Dad, and he explained everything to me. I mean, it’s impressive you’ve made it this far, given how obvious you two are.”

Everyone blinked a few times in surprise, processing what Emile had just said.

“Okay, rude! I’d like to see you murder 50 people and get away with it- I bet you’d get caught, like, right away.” Remy said, crossing his arms and half-glaring at his twin.

“I would not! I-”

Logan rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing. “Boys, please, there’s been enough murder in this household already, we don’t need anymore.”

“But, Father-”

“Remy, no, now is not the time.” Roman said seriously.

Remy went quiet, visibly drooping, and Emile shuffled awkwardly in his chair, looking down at his feet. The silence was deafening, but no one knew how to fix it.

All of a sudden, Patton entered, a large grin on his face.

“Alright! Here’s the pasta!”

The tension in the room relaxed, everyone getting up to grab their food, and quiet chatter breaking out amongst a few of them.

They had all missed Patton’s cooking.

***

Ten minutes later, the family were back and seated at the table, eating dinner quietly. Once again, Logan was the first to break the silence.

“So… Patton? Are you finally ready to explain what in your childhood made you feel so lax about murder?”

Everybody turned to Patton, and he paused in the middle of bringing a forkful of pasta to his mouth.

“I- uh- I don’t really think now’s the time, Lo.” Patton said delicately, slowly put his cutlery down.

Logan looked down at his food, visibly deflating slightly.

“I will tell you at some point, I swear!” Patton said quickly, not wanting to upset anyone. “I just… a lot has happened recently, so I feel like that’s a story for another time, kay?”

Logan hesitated for a moment before sighing.

“Okay.”

Patton smiled at him and picked up his cutlery again to resume eating.

“Did you guys do much during the… uh, separation?” Virgil asked awkwardly.

“We didn’t kill anyone, if that’s what you mean.” Roman said calmly.

Relieved looks appeared on both Logan and Virgil’s faces, and Roman held back a sigh.

“And, I guess, other than that… nothing much, really. The twins went to school, of course, and Patton and I went shopping for clothes and stuff, just in case…” Roman said, trailing off at the end.

“Just in case the separation became permanent.” Patton finished.

Everyone was silent for a moment, eyebrows creasing.

“That’s not going to happen again, is it?” Dorian said quickly, his eyes wide as he looked up at Roman.

All four of the dads glanced at each other.

“No, Dorian, it won’t.” Virgil said softly.

“You promise?”

“We promise.”

Dorian let out a sigh of relief, and the other kids looked visibly relieved as well.

“Can we watch a movie after dinner?” Dorian asked hopefully.

The dads looked at each other again, shrugging.

“Sure, kiddo! What do you wanna watch?”

“Oh, uh, hmm…” Dorian hummed, looking in thought.

He paused, before his face lit up with an idea. “Aladdin! Can we watch Aladdin?” He asked, bouncing up and down on his chair.

“I don’t see why not.” Virgil said, smiling.

“Yay!”

Roman smiled softly at Dorian, who turned to him with an excited grin on his face.

He had missed this.

***

About an hour later, the family was sat in the living room: dinner finished, and dishes washed. The kids all sat on one sofa and the adults sat on the other. Dorian was between the twins, with Thomas on Remy’s other side, and Roman was between Patton and Virgil, with Logan on Virgil’s other side.

Dorian had started getting sleepy almost as soon as the movie began, and he was currently half laying in Remy’s lap, whilst Remy absent-mindedly played with his hair, his dark sunglasses reflecting the movie.

Usually, whenever the family watched a Disney movie, Roman would sing along loudly (usually joined by at least one of the children, and often Patton too). But today, everyone was quiet, and the most he did was whisper-sing along to some of his favourite songs, leaning against Patton and squeezing his hand.

Once Aladdin was over, they put on Moana, and about halfway through that, Virgil fell asleep on Roman’s shoulder. As soon as that happened, Roman glanced at Logan, making sure it was okay.

Logan just shrugged in response.

By the end of the second movie, Dorian was asleep too, curled up in Remy’s lap, with his feet poking Emile’s legs. Once the credits had begun to roll Remy shifted gently, wrapping his arms around Dorian and picking him up carefully as he stood.

“I’ll bring him up to bed.”

“That’s a good idea, kiddo.” Patton smiled, getting up to gentle ruffle Remy’s hair. “You three should get to bed too, it’s been a long day.”

For once, none of the kids argued, understanding the difficulty that must have been the conversation their dads had had earlier. They all headed to the staircase, going upstairs in silence, disappearing from the adults’ sight once they reached the upstairs landing.

Whilst all that happened, Roman remained frozen still, as a fast-asleep Virgil clung to his arm like his life depended on it.

“I, uh…” Roman stuttered, eyes wide.

“We should all get to bed too.” Logan said simply.

Roman shifted slightly. “But what should we do about-”

Roman’s slight movements accidentally woke Virgil up, who sleepily held his arm tighter, mumbling quietly and blinking a few times as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

“Mmm.” Virgil hummed sleepily.

Patton turned to Roman. “Do you think you’ll be able to carry him?”

“Yeah. Wouldn’t be the first time.” Roman nodded, shifting even more and pulling Virgil into his lap before picking him up bridal-style.

After that, all four of them quietly made their way upstairs, and into their bedroom.

***

Remy leaned forward slowly, trying to carefully place Dorian down on his bed. However, just as he did so, Dorian’s arms snaked their way around Remy’s neck and clung onto him tighter.

“No…” Dorian whined sleepily.

“What?”

“I wanna stay with you guys.” Dorian mumbled into Remy’s chest, pulling himself even closer to him.

Remy glanced at Thomas and Emile, who were standing behind him, and Emile smiled, turning to Thomas.

“Let’s go to mine and Remy’s room and push the mattresses together on the floor; it’ll be like a sleepover!” He exclaimed quietly, grinning, and Thomas smiled back, nodding.

The two of them left to do so, and about twenty minutes later, the four brothers were laying on the mattresses on the floor, Remy was between Thomas and Dorian, and Emile was on Dorian’s other side. Emile was already half-asleep, and his arm was around Dorian, who was curled up against his chest.

Thomas shuffled closer to Remy.

“I’m glad you’re home.” He whispered.

“Me too.” Remy whispered back.

After a moment, Thomas raised his arm, indicating for Remy to come closer to hug him.

Remy smiled slightly, shuffling closer and burying himself in his older brother’s chest, and the two of them wrapped their arms around each other, quickly falling asleep like this.

***

Virgil was curled up in their bed, mumbling sleepily to himself, and Roman and Logan were standing awkwardly beside it, looking everywhere but at each other.

Luckily for them, Patton returned quickly, shutting the bedroom door quietly behind him.

“The kids are all sleeping in the twins’ room tonight.” He said softly. “They- uh… they all seem pretty happy that our family’s back together again.”

Roman gave a small smile. “I’m glad they’re okay.”

There was a moment of silence, and Roman turned to Logan, running a hand through his hair.

“Do you… do you want us- _me_ to sleep downstairs?” He asked quietly, slowly meeting Logan’s gaze as he did so.

Logan’s brow creased as he thought about it for a moment. He opened his mouth to respond, when Virgil suddenly spoke up.

“No. Stay!” Virgil whined sleepily, grabbing Roman’s shirt and pulling him closer.

Roman stumbled, nearly falling over, his eyes going wide as he glanced up at Logan.

Logan blinked a few times in surprise before shrugging. “You can stay if you’d like, it’s up to you.”

Patton smiled in response, looking between his husbands with only love in his eyes.

A few minutes later, they were all laying in bed. Roman was beside Virgil (the latter would have complained if he wasn’t) and Patton was next to Logan.

They were laying face to face, and, whilst usually they would hold hands or cuddle as they fell asleep, today they were apart, but infuriatingly close. Logan and Roman’s backs were so close that they could feel each other’s heat through the thick blankets.

“Are you okay?” Patton whispered.

“Yes.”

Patton gave Logan a disbelieving look, which he could only just make out in the dim light of their fairy lights.

Logan sighed. “No.”

Patton shifted closer to him, their hands brushing.

“This… this is all just so _weird_.” Logan finally whispered, his voice pained. “I don’t - I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do.”

Patton lightly touched his arm in comfort.

“It’s okay; you don’t have to know, we don’t either.” He whispered soothingly. “But we’ll figure it out, together.”

There was a moment of silence as Logan hesitated, before reaching forward and pulling Patton into a hug. Patton didn’t hesitate for a moment to return it, wrapping his arms around Logan as the two held each other like their lives depended on it, like they’d never let go.

Maybe things would work out after all.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

A few days after their big talk, Patton took the whole family out to the nearby park for a second attempt at a family picnic. Everyone had their favorite snacks and sandwiches, and they were all clustered around a slightly too small picnic table.

They had almost finished their lunch, when a familiar voice gasped from about a foot away.

“Patty?” Heart gasped.

“Hart!”

Patton jumped up from his seat and ran to hug him. Roman blinked at them a few times in shock, glancing between Heart, Brain, and his tiny, bubbly husband.

“Wait, how do you know our weapons dealer?” He finally asked.

Patton laughed.“Oh, this is my cousin!”

Everyone’s jaws dropped. Roman felt his mouth open and close as he searched for words that would properly convey his utter bafflement.

“Yup! Pattycake and I are related! Used to be thick as thieves when we were little, too, but then I moved to America to give the gang a foothold here and we fell out of touch.” Heart said with a giggle.

Patton stuck his tongue out. “Hey, I came to the wedding, didn’t I?”

“Yes, but I couldn’t go to yours because of the coppers here!”

Virgil stuck a tentative hand in the air. “Hi, hello, yes: I’m one of said ‘coppers’ and I would like to know what the heck is going on.”

“Same.” Everyone but Brain chorused.

Patton and Heart laughed.

“Okay, okay. Let me see if I have this straight-” Logan started.

“Good luck!” Remy said, likely on reflex.

Logan gave him an annoyed look before continuing. “You are Patton’s cousin and cousin-in-law, as well as the ones who provided weaponry to Roman and Remy?”

“Yuppers!” Heart said.

Logan’s brow furrowed. “Why reveal yourself now?”

“Well, Pattycake and I have been texting and he told me that there’s no more danger, so I came to dote on my nephews!” Heart moved closer to the table and locked his arm around Remy’s neck. “Especially this little troublemaker!”

Remy squawked. “Let me go!”

“Wait, so if you’re cousins, why did you call him by his alias?” Roman asked.

“I didn’t. His name is… Hart did you make your alias the same as your actual name?” Patton gave his cousin a flat look.

“No…” Hart explained. “I just told people my name and they mistook it for an alias and they spelled it H-E-A-R-T instead of H-A-R-T. It worked, and it didn’t matter much to me, so I just let I happen. Once Brian and I started working together we just swapped around the I and the a to make it match.”

There was a heartbeat’s worth of pause as everyone absorbed that information.

“Hart? That is literally the lamest villain name origin I’ve ever heard.” Roman said finally.

Hart blew a raspberry at him. “Better than yours, Princey.”

“Wait, back up. Pat, you knew your cousin’s in organized crime?” Virgil asked.

“Well, of course I did, silly. We both are! Have been since we were born.” Patton said with a nervous smile.

They all stared at him, mouths agape.

“You… what?” Thomas asked.

“Oh, yeah, that reminds me. Pat, we need to go over the rights of inheritance soon.” Brain said absent-mindedly.

Patton nodded, eyes still fliting from face to face, gauging their reactions.

“Time out! Back up! You what now?” Virgil exclaimed.

“It’s kind of a long story but… well I’ve said some of it already, so…” Patton stammered.

Hart sighed. “Have you ever heard of the Canadian gang know as The Tasks?”

Logan nodded. “Of course. They’ve been a large problem for the police up there for a while now. Named for their apparent ability to do anything asked of them, no matter the task in question. It’s apparently existed for generations, but only came into the spotlight within the recent years. Some argue that it is more of a mob family than a gang, but members refuse to change labels. What does this have to do with the two of you?”

Patton’s eyes dropped into his lap, and he started fiddling with the edge of his sweater. “Well… my Mom is the current head of The Tasks. Has been for the past forty years.”

“Wait, what?” Roman yelped. “You mean to tell me that our precious, adorable, and thoroughly innocent looking husband has been the heir to a major crime family this entire time?”

“You mean to tell _me_ that our over dramatic, romantic, and overall probably harmless husband has been a serial killer this whole time?” Virgil countered.

“…Point taken.”

“In all seriousness, though: Dad, you were raised in a mob?” Remy asked.

“Gang.” Patton corrected. “There was a tiff with the word mob when our Grandma was heading it, so we don’t really like to be called one.”

“Okay, gang then. Whatever. But still! Does that mean you did all kinds of gang stuff?” Remy asked, a grin growing on his face.

“Of course.” Patton said, a smile flitting across his as well.

“Wait.” Logan said. “If you’re both members of a Canadian gang, why are you in Florida?”

“Well, I was here first. The Tasks needed a secondary foothold in the southern U.S after the last one died, and I since I’d always wanted to go to America, I jumped at the chance. Best decision I ever made.” Hart explained.

Brian smiled and tugged him into a kiss.

“Technically, neither of us was supposed to stay here as long as we did. Hart was supposed to reestablish our foothold, then come home-” Patton said.

“But I just loved the work so much! It’s so much more hands on than it is at home, so I sent word back home that I was going to stay on full-time. And then after a bit we caught word of someone taking out a twelve people in one go, including a high-ranking politician.” Hart interrupted.

“Of course, we knew it couldn’t be one of ours because, all together, it was a rather sloppy job.” Patton said, giving his cousin a knowing smile.

Roman made an offended noise. “I am not _sloppy_. Considering how many died it was actually a rather clean kill!”

“Honey, if you do the job right, no one even knows you did the job at all.” Patton said sweetly.

Logan, Thomas, Dorian, Remy and Virgil looked, as Remy was fond of saying, shook, but Roman had almost never been more attracted to Patton.

“Pshh, Patty’s just saying that because he likes using poison.” Hart said teasingly. “He’s biased. It _was_ pretty clean for a first timer.”

“…Is that why you won’t let anyone else look at your Momma’s pie recipe?” Virgil asked, eyes wide.

Patton smiled sheepishly. “What can I say? Add a bit of fennel and it’s simply to die for.”

“As much as I am reeling right now, I would like to reiterate my question of why _you_ , Patton’s cousin, are now choosing to reveal yourself.” Logan asked.

“Well,” Hart said. “For one, I’ve been on my honeymoon. But, like I said, Patty and I have been texting. I only stayed away so long because I was scared that Roman and Remy would recognize us and let the cat out of the bag. But now that you guys know about Roman…”

He trailed off, looking at Patton, who was fiddling with his sweater sleeves again.

“I don’t want there to be any more secrets now.” Patton said slowly. “It nearly tore us apart once and… and I don’t want to ever be without any of you again. So, this is me. All of it.”

Virgil breathed softly, face going soft. “Patton…”

“Okay!” Hart said, clapping his hands together. “Brian, hon, you go take all the kiddos to the playground and show them your space monster impression so that Patty and I can answer the adult’s questions.”

“Uh, you do know Thomas, Emile, and I are teenagers, right?” Remy asked.

“Shoo!”

Hart waved at them dismissively and Brain, or Brian, rather, left for the playground with kids in tow, Remy still grumbling at being shoved away.

“Okay! Now you cuties can ask all your questions.” Hart smiled.

“…Do you have a higher kill count than me?” Roman asked.

Logan balked. “Roman!”

“What? It was an honest question!” Roman said.

Patton laughed tensely. “I do, yeah. Sorry, Honey.”

“How many?” Roman asked grumpily.

“Oh,” Patton laughed again. “More than thirty!”

“Are you gonna drag the kids into this?” Virgil asked.

Patton’s face dropped. “Not if they don’t want to. Not if _you_ don’t want me to. I mean there is a little bit that I’ve taught Emile, but nothing major. That’s why Hart, Brian and I need to go over the inheritance rights. Now that the matriarch has passed away we need to discuss who the title of head will be after me and mum. Hart’s eventual kiddo… or one of ours.”

Roman looked over at the kids in question. Remy had climbed on top of the playground and was shouting some kind of manifesto down at Brian and Thomas. He watched as Emile snuck up behind him, probably to ‘dethrone’ him. Dorian, precious soul that he was, was ignoring all of them in favor of the slide.

Would any of them even make a good gang leader? Would any of them be able to handle that?

“Okay well…” Virgil took a shaky breath. “That’s less than ideal. But I get it, I guess. We- I don’t have an answer for that right now, but-”

“It’s okay!” Patton interrupted. “I wouldn’t expect you to. This is a lot to take in at once.”

“Is- is there some sort of pamphlet that could tell us how to deal with this?” Virgil joked.

“That would be helpful.” Logan said seriously.

“’Fraid not.” Hart said with a small smile.

“Okay… well.” Logan said. “I guess the important thing is that we still love you, and you’re the same person you were before we knew this-”

“Yadda, yadda, big emotional spiel that we probably should have given Roman too. Can we stop talking about this now and pretend to be normal? This is way too public and it’s making me nervous.” Virgil said, dropping his head onto Roman’s shoulder.

Everyone laughed.  

Patton smiled at him fondly. “Of course, honey. So, Hart! _Wear_ did you get that jacket, it is _too_ cute!”


	19. Chapter Eighteen

“Do we have everything we need for the party?” Logan said, clutching a checklist in one hand. He was currently dressed up as Frankenstein’s monster, as the family was hosting a Halloween party for a handful of the kids’ friends.

“Uh, I think so?” Roman said, admiring his makeup in the mirror (which was rather ironic, as he was dressed as a vampire).

Logan rolled his eyes, before pushing his glasses further up his nose and glancing at the checklist.

“Food?”

“Check!” Patton exclaimed, placing the last cupcakes down on the table covered in snacks. He was dressed as a fairy, with big translucent wings and a pastel flower-crown.

“Games and decorations?”

“Check.” Virgil said, stepping away from the pin-the-bone-on-the-skeleton game he had just stuck to the wall. Despite Roman’s protests, he had decided to dress as Mothman (though he didn’t have the bright red contacts in, as Dorian found them too creepy).

“Guests?”

“We invited two of Dorian’s friends over and five of the others’ friends.” Patton smiled.

“Costumes?”

Logan looked down at himself and then at all of his husbands’ costumes. “Check.” He said, answering the question himself.

“Children?” He asked.

They all looked around, realising that they were the only ones in the room. Virgil opened his mouth, about to speak up, when he was interrupted by Remy kicking the door open dramatically (he really was Roman’s son).

“Greetings, mortals, I have arrived!” He exclaimed, showing off his vampire costume, which was very similar to Roman’s.

“Aww, you look adorable!” Patton cooed.

Remy pouted. “Damn, I was aiming for creepy.”

Emile entered the room after him, dressed as Sally from The Nightmare Before Christmas.

“You look fine, Rem.” He said.

“Cool costume!” Roman exclaimed, admiring Emile’s outfit.

Emile opened his mouth to respond, but Remy interrupted, grinning mischievously.  
  
“Toby’s dressing as Jack.”

Emile lightly punched his brother’s shoulder, but Remy just laughed.

“Aww, kiddo, it’s okay! Crushes are perfectly normal, and Toby’s a great kid!” Patton said, holding back a giggle.

Emile grumbled something under his breath, but didn’t argue.

“Where’s Thomas and Dorian?” Virgil asked.

Just as he said that, Thomas and Dorian appeared, walking through the doorway in matching dragon costumes and scaly makeup.

“Oh, wow, your costumes look great.” Virgil complimented, impressed with the makeup.

“Thanks, I-” Thomas began.

“Look, wings!” Dorian exclaimed, spinning around and showing off the giant cardboard wings that Thomas helped him make. “I look so cool!”

“You sure do, kiddo!” Patton agreed, smiling.

Dorian jumped up and down excitedly. “When does the party start? I can’t wait to go trick-or-treating!”

“The guests will be here soon, kiddo.” Patton reassured, ruffling his hair affectionately. “Right now, we’re making sure we have everything ready, is there anything left on the checklist, Lo?”

Logan examined the checklist, reading out the final point on the list.

“Have we hidden all the Prince and Knight evidence?”

“Yup!” Roman exclaimed, adjusting his cape. “All of the outfits and weapons are hidden away in our room, which will be off-limits during the party.”

Logan folded up the checklist and put it away in his pocket, relieved they had everything and giving a small smile.

“Great. Now, the guests should be arriving any sec-”

He was interrupted by the doorbell ringing loudly.

“I’ll get it!” Dorian exclaimed, running to the door.

Patton smiled, following, and watching as Dorian threw open the front door, revealing his two best friends, Kai and Camden, and Camden’s older brother, Sloane, a good friend of Thomas. Kai’s mother was standing with them, giving Patton a relieved smile.

“Kai! Camden! You’re here, your costumes look so good!” Dorian exclaimed, admiring Kai’s werewolf costume and Camden’s mummy outfit. “Oh, hi, Sloane, Thomas and the others are in the living room.”

“So, I’m picking Kai up in a few hours?” Kai’s mom said, glancing at her watch, indicating that she was in a hurry.

“Yup, have a great Halloween!” Patton exclaimed.

She gave him another relieved smile, nodding and ruffling Kai’s hair.

“Okay, Sloane, you can just go to the sitting room: that’s where Thomas and the twins are."  Patton said to Sloane, who was dressed like a ghost, welcoming the kids inside.

"Okay. Thanks for inviting me by the way!” Sloane said happily.

“No problem, kiddo!”

Sloane then walked off, towards the living room, and Patton smiled at the younger kids.

“Are you kiddos ready for trick or treating?”

“Yeah!” They all exclaimed (though Kai was a bit less enthusiastic).

“Great! I’m just gonna go grab Virgil and Logan, ‘cos they’re the ones taking you guys out tonight, whilst Roman and I stay home watching the bigger kids.” Patton exclaimed, and Dorian nodded, before turning to his friends and grinning.

“We’re gonna get so much candy!”

***

Half an hour later, the younger kids were all out trick-or-treating with Logan and Virgil, and all of Thomas, Remy and Emile’s friends (Sloane, Corbin, Apollo, Nox and Toby) had arrived. The eight teens were just hanging out in the sitting room, when Remy spoke up with an idea.

“Let’s play Truth or Dare!”

“Ooh, that sounds fun.” Sloane agreed, holding hands with his boyfriend, Corbin, who was also dressed up as a ghost.

“Great!” Remy grinned. “Okay, me first; Emile, truth or dare?”

Emile gave Remy a cautious look, before slowly saying, “…Dare?”

Remy’s grin widened and Emile realised that he had made a grave mistake.

“Kiss someone’s cheek.”

Emile’s eyes widened dramatically. “What?” He exclaimed.

“I said, kiss someone on the cheek.” Remy repeated. “You can pick anyone in this room, apart from me and Thomas - or Dad or Pa, of course, but they’re in the kitchen, so they don’t really count.”

Emile’s face turned bright red, and he glanced around the room, accidentally making eye contact with Toby, making both of them look down, blushing more.

“I… uh…” Emile stammered.

“Just kiss Toby’s cheek and move on, Em, we don’t have all day.” Remy said impatiently.

Emile glared at him before turning back to Toby, his face still bright red. Quickly, he leant forward and pressed a soft kiss to Toby’s cheeks and then leant back again, avoiding eye contact with him. Both of them were blushing madly, and everyone else there was giggling - their crushes were incredibly obvious.

“Okay, uh… Apollo - truth or dare?”

“Truth!” Apollo said (he was dressed as the Greek god, Apollo, whilst his twin was dressed as Artemis).

“Hmm…”

There were a few beats of silence before Emile finally asked,  “Do you have a crush on anyone?”

“Yes.” Apollo responded immediately.

There was a pause, as everyone expected him to elaborate, but he didn’t.

“Are you gonna tell us who your crush is?” Remy asked slowly.

Apollo smiled smugly, crossing his arms. “No, ‘cos that wasn’t the question. The question was asking whether or not I have a crush, and I answered that.”

Remy rolled his eyes, leaning back on the couch. “Boo, that’s so boring!”

Apollo just shrugged in response, before continuing. “Okay - Sloane, truth or dare?”

“Ooh, dare!” He said, sitting up excitedly.

“Umm… sit in someone’s lap for the rest of the game!”

“Oh, that’s easy.” Sloane laughed, immediately sitting in his boyfriend, Corbin’s, lap, throwing his arms around his neck.

“Ack, why?” Corbin spluttered, not expecting that, and almost falling backwards.

Sloane’s face turned serious, and he made direct eye contact with Corbin.

“Because I love you.”

Corbin blushed, and Sloane smiled, before pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

“Eww, get a room you two.” Remy jokingly complained, and Sloane stuck his tongue out at Remy.

Remy just shrugged, so Sloane moved on to ask the next question. “Okay, uh… Nox, truth or dare?”

“Uh, dare?”

“Okay, umm….”

Sloane glanced around the room, looking for inspiration for a dare. When he couldn’t really find anything, he just went with:

“Uh, sit on someone’s lap?”  
  
Nox blinked a few times in surprise, and was about to say something, when Remy interrupted, adding something to Sloane’s dare.

“You can’t choose your brother ‘cos that would be too easy, sit on someone else.”

Nox started blushing. “Uh…”

He looked around for someone to choose, and his eyes landed on Thomas. Nox gave him a sheepish smile.

“Uh… Thomas? Is it okay if I…” Nox said, smiling sheepishly.

“Oh, uh, sure.”

Nox awkwardly climbed into Thomas’ lap (luckily he was quite a bit shorter than him). His face was bright red, but Thomas just looked awkward, having found out about both of the twins crushing on him from Remy over a month ago. Thomas was also quite uncomfortable like this, having no idea where to put his arms.

Apollo was very obviously glaring at Nox, but Nox elected to ignore it, instead turning to Toby to ask the next question.

“Okay, Toby, truth or dare?”

“Uh… truth.” Toby said, relieved that it was Nox asking the question, not Toby.

“Who here do you find most attractive?”

Toby sighed, that was just as bad as anything Remy could ask.

Remy grinned at Nox, before turning to Toby and wiggling his eyebrows. Toby turned away from Remy, looking around and accidentally making eye contact with Emile. They both blushed bright red again, looking down at their laps.

“Oh… uh…”

He glanced up again, feeling his heart thump in his chest when he looked at Emile.

“I… I guess… Emile?” Toby said slowly.

Emile’s head shot up and he stammered awkwardly for a few moments, trying to thank Toby. Remy rolled his eyes at their very obvious crushes, and decided to step in this time, to save them from too much embarrassment

“Thanks, dude.” Remy said.

Toby gave him a confused look, raising his eyebrows.

“Me and Em are, like, almost identical - so you basically just called me hot too.”

Toby blinked a few times in surprise, but he was grateful for the save.

“Oh, uh… well, yeah, you are pretty hot, I guess.”

“I know.” Remy said smugly.

There was another moment of silence, but it was quickly broken by Corbin.

“Okay, can we play something else now? ‘Cos no offense, Sloane, but my legs hurt, and I’m getting bored.”

“Ugh, fine.” Remy complained, standing up and dusting himself off, adjusting his cape. “Let’s see what we can find.”

For the next hour or so, the group played various games, occasionally taking breaks to eat some of the snacks that Patton left out - like cupcakes or strawberries.

Emile turned out to be the best at most of the games (like pin-the-bone-on-the-skeleton and bobbing for apples) and Remy, to his dismay, sucked at most of them. He tried to get them to play more ‘interesting’ games like Spin The Bottle, but Patton intervened each time, telling him that they were too young for that.

After one particularly entertaining game of Never Have I Ever, both Toby and Emile were standing at the snack table. Emile was munching on a strawberry, and Toby was admiring a collection of cupcakes that were decorated like skeletons.

“Wow, these cupcakes look great.” Toby complimented, picking one up to look at it closer.

“Thanks!” Emile smiled.

“Wait, did _you_ make them?” Toby said, turning to him, eyes widened.

“Yup! And I decorated them too; Dad’s been teaching me how to bake, it’s fun!”

“Well, they look great. You’re really talented.”

Emile blushed, running a hand through his hair and smiling slightly.

“Oh, uh, tha-” He started, only to be interrupted by Remy suddenly appearing between them, throwing his arms over their shoulders.

“Yeah, Emile’s great at baking, he’d make a great husband, wouldn’t he?” Remy grinned, wiggling his eyebrows at Toby.

“I… uh…” Toby stammered, internally strangling Remy for his interruption.

Luckily for Toby and Emile, before either of them could respond, the door was suddenly kicked open by an incredibly hyper Dorian, brandishing a large bag of candy, and followed by Camden and Kai.

“Guys, look! I got so much candy!” He yelled excitedly, bouncing up and down on the spot.

Logan entered after them, rubbing the bridge of his nose tiredly.

“Dorian, please, you’ve been yelling non-stop for the last 20 minutes, can you just quieten down now?” He almost begged.

“Nope!” Dorian exclaimed, a wild grin on his face “It’s Halloween and I’ve eaten _so much_ candy, it’s impossible for me to calm down!”

Dorian started jumping on the couch beside Sloane and Corbin, almost jumping on top of them more than once. Roman took this moment as an opportunity to step in, and he walked over, picking Dorian up, earning only a squeak in response.

“Now, now, my little Baron, listen to your Father.” Roman said, attempting to scold him,  but he was smiling, so it didn’t quite have that effect. “Maybe calm down just a little bit, so we can put on a movie for you all to watch.”

Dorian’s eyes lit up as he wriggled excitedly in Roman’s arms. “A movie? What movie!?”

Patton walked over and carefully pried the bag of candy out of Dorian’s sticky fingers. He protested quietly, but Roman gave him a look so he stopped, deciding to just pout instead.

“The Nightmare Before Christmas - you chose it, remember?” Patton answered, putting the bag of candy on a shelf out of Dorian’s reach.

Dorian immediately turned happy again, wriggling excitedly, causing Roman to almost drop him.

“Oh, yeah!” He exclaimed.

Virgil walked over to the TV, setting it up to play the movie, so everyone made their way to sit on the couches (or the floor, as there wasn’t enough space). Dorian shifted more in Roman’s arms and was put down, so he immediately ran over to one of the couches, sitting between Kai and Camden (who was beside Sloane and Corbin).

Remy, Toby and Emile were sat on the other couch: the twins both instinctively leaning against Toby, who looked very excited, as The Nightmare Before Christmas was his favourite movie.

Apollo, Thomas and Nox were on the floor in front of one of the couches, and Thomas looked very uncomfortable sat between the two twins who were already fighting over the blanket. He hoped the argument would cease when the movie began, but he wasn’t optimistic.

***

Half an hour later, the movie had started, and the four husbands were quietly watching the kids from the kitchen.

Emile and Remy were both half-snuggling Toby, who was leaning against Emile, and all three of them were watching the movie eagerly. Apollo and Nox had stopped fighting, which Thomas looked very relieved about, but they were now both leaning against him, so he looked mildly uncomfortable, but he was enjoying the movie enough to not complain.

Sloane and Corbin looked happy enough snuggling on the couch, and Dorian had fallen asleep on Kai and Camden almost immediately after the movie had begun.

Patton turned to his husbands, a small smile on his face.

“I’m glad everything turned out okay.” He whispered softly.

“Do you mean with the party or…” Roman said quietly, trailing off at the end.

“With everything.”

There was a moment of silence, before Logan slowly took Patton’s hand, squeezing it softly.

“I am too.” He said softly. “Things… things may not be perfect right now: there’s things we still need to talk about, and things I’m still not happy with. But I’m glad we’re all together again. We’ll get through this, as a family.”

Patton squeezed Logan’s hand back, smiling softly at him.

There was another beat of silence, before Virgil spoke up, his voice even quieter than the others’. It sounded slightly broken.

“I’m sorry for how we acted when we found out. We… we should have _talked_ to you, instead of just pushing you away. You’re our husband and we love you and we should have listened to you and I just…” Virgil said, sounding almost on the brink of tears.

Roman’s eyes widened and he lightly touched Virgil’s cheek.

“No, Virge… it’s not your fault, it’s mine!” Roman said softly, but firmly. “I… I cause the problem, and I should have talked to you about it to begin with.”

A single tear dripped down Virgil’s face and Roman wiped it away with his thumb, leaning slightly closer to him.

“Can I…?” Roman said softly, glancing at Virgil’s lips.

Virgil nodded, and leant closer to press his lips to Roman’s, his eyes fluttering shut. The kiss was nothing big, and it only lasted a few seconds, but it was the first kiss they’d shared in weeks, so it was special. When Roman eventually pulled away, he pressed his forehead against Virgil’s, intertwining their hands together.

“I missed this.” Roman whispered.

Logan and Patton were watching as this happened, the latter sighing happily as they did so. Logan glanced at him, squeezing his hand softly.

Patton turned to face Logan, his eyes widening and his heart thumping loudly in his chest when he felt Logan’s fingertips softly touch his face.

“Patton, may I…?” He asked quietly, his voice betraying his nervousness.

Patton didn’t answer, and instead he stood up on his tiptoes and wrapped his arms around Logan’s neck, pulling him into a big kiss. When they finally pulled away (taking slightly longer than Roman and Virgil did), they saw their husbands looking at them.

When Patton let go and stepped away from Logan, Roman did the same with Virgil.

“C’mere, Nerd.” He smirked, opening his arms out to Logan.

Logan rolled his eyes, but walked over to Roman and grabbed his collar, pulling him into a kiss. Patton giggled at this, before pulling Virgil into a kiss too. The four husbands exchanged many giggly kisses whilst they continued to watch the movie (though they were quiet so as to not disturb the kids).

The long-awaited affection only ceased when they were interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Patton left to answer it, leaving his three smiling husbands holding hands in the kitchen.

After about a minute, Patton yelled back, “Camden, Sloane, your dad’s here!”


	20. Chapter Nineteen

Roman was having a nice and peaceful evening. He and his family were peacefully curled up on the couch watching Wall-e, and he was snuggled happily between Patton and Logan, with Dorian curled up in his lap.

Patton was playing his own version of a drinking game, where, instead of drinking, every time the robots did something cute, he would peck Roman or Virgil on the cheek. The husband he wasn’t kissing would kiss Logan.

It was their favorite game, and Roman couldn’t be happier. That was, at least until the door slammed open and Remy ran over. He paused the movie by turning off the tv set, ignoring his brothers’ protests.

“Papa,” He said breathlessly, his sunglasses propped up on his head and his eyes wide. “We’ve got a lead.”

Roman carefully relocated Dorian to Logan’s lap and stood up. “On who?”

“Madeline Jackldan.” Remy said. “She’s an hour outside of town to shoot some stupid movie or whatever.”

Roman bit back a curse. That Devil Woman had returned.  

“Who?” Emile asked curiously.

“This…” Roman stammered, looking for the right, child-appropriate words. “Absolutely horrible hembra of a woman. An actress with multiple reports of sexual assault, all of which were dismissed because, of course ‘women cannot assault men.’ Madre de todas las cepillos para el cabello cuando le pongo las manos encima, lo juro-”

“Pa, chill.” Remy said, placing a hand on his arm.

“Honey, please calm down.” Patton said at the same time.

“No. No I absolutely will not calm down.” Roman snapped. “Remy, grab your things, we’re going.”

“Ro!”

Roman looked back at his husbands. Virgil was looking at him incredulously and Logan looked as though he might throw up. Patton was curled between them with a Roman-sized hole between them. He knew what would fill that hole, and what would assure it was empty.

“R-right. Of course.” He faltered. “My… my apologies. I just… I suppose I got carried away. Do not… do that, Remy.”

Remy groaned loudly and threw himself onto Emile, who pat his back awkwardly. Roman carefully sat back onto the couch, stiff and not nearly as content as before. There was a moment of silence while they all debated who should get up and turn the tv back on.

“How many?” Logan asked suddenly.

“What?”

“How many people has she assaulted?” He clarified, looking directly at Roman.

“I-”

“Twenty.” Remy supplied grimly. “Most of them underage. Also, Uncle Hart wanted us to grab her spinal cord if we can.”

Logan sighed and nodded swiftly. “Alright, fine. But we will be having a discussion when you get home.”

“You- Are you serious?” Roman asked, slowly getting up to his feet.

“I don’t agree that this is the most effective way to handle the situation,” Logan said quickly. “But, seeing as Virgil and I no longer have the power to arrest her… I don’t know. Do what you must, we will talk later.”

“I- Virge?” Roman asked.

“…I-Sure.” Virgil huffed. “Whatever, fine. But we _are_ going to talk later, okay?”

“Of course.” Roman swiftly kissed both their cheeks, and then Patton’s for good measure. “Remy, _now_ grab your things.”

“Finally!” Remy exclaimed, grinning.

He raced upstairs; Roman walked backwards, following, but still looking at his husbands in absolute adoration.

“Just so you are aware, I love all three of you. You are the most precious things in the world and-”

“If you don’t go right now I’m going to change my mind.” Virgil said with an eye-roll.

“Okay!”

Roman grinned and ran upstairs. Remy was already half dressed, but took a moment to chuck Roman’s costume at him. Roman beamed and suited up. The costume fit him like a glove: a velvet glove over the iron fist that was himself. Remy told him that that was gross and to never talk again.

They came back down the stairs, Remy doing a little show-off twirl before heading out the door. Roman smirked and followed him. Patton met him at the door and hugged him tightly.

“See you soon, hon.” He said, kissing his cheek. “Stay safe.”

Roman smiled and nuzzled his nose before following Remy out the door.

Patton hummed appreciatively and watched him leave. “Love a man in uniform.”

Virgil choked on his drink. “Patton!”

“What?”

Virgil gestured at the room around them. “Kids? Also what? Whe- I- what?”

“How… long have you been attracted to men in uniform?” Logan asked carefully.

“Father!” Thomas exclaimed.

“I have said absolutely nothing wrong!” Logan countered “How long?”

Patton hummed again. “Not sure exactly. The sword helps, for sure! But I can’t deny how much I wanted to ask you and Virgil out after that first time I saw you both all decked out in those police uniforms. All dressed up. The gloves, the badges, the stripy things I don’t know the name of. Mhm, so handsome.”

Virgil flushed and got to his feet carefully. “Hey, Pat, can uh… we go have a talk about what to say in front of the kids?”

“Sure!” Patton said cheerfully.

“I think I should join it as well. Thomas watch your brothers.” Logan said, following them upstairs.

There was a moment of silence after they were out of earshot.

Emile shuddered. “Ew.”

“Yup.” Thomas agreed, shaking his head in disgust.

Dorian stuck his tongue out and gagged. “ _Yucky_!”

***

“Are you _sure_ we can’t take the plates off the car?” Remy asked.

“Yes.” Roman huffed. “They’d take forever to put back and your father would kill me.”

“Ugh. Lame.” Remy rolled his eyes. “Can we at least take off these jackets?”

“Nope. Your _pop_ would kill me if we got caught in this car without those on.” Roman said.

“Well _dad_ would let me take it off.” Remy grumbled.

“Well your Dad isn’t here and we’re almost there.” Roman countered.

“Papa I’m _hot_!” He whined.

“So am I, you don’t see me complaining! Good looks are a gift from above, pimienta.”

Remy retched. “ _So_ not what I meant.”

“We’re here.” Roman announced.

Remy’s face grew serious. They crept out of the car, ditching it in the camera-less lot nearby. They peeled off the jackets and put on their masks. Roman pulled out his sword and gave it his most alluring smile.

“Hey baby. Did you miss me?” He purred.

“Pa, stop being gay for a sword.”

“As soon as you stop being pan for your throwing knives.” Roman said.

Remy gasped and clutched his knives to his chest. “Leave my babies out of this.”

Roman rolled his eyes. “Okay, ciclo de insomnio- business time.”

They snuck into Madeline’s trailer, launching themselves through the window and creeping into her bedroom. She was asleep, sprawled out on a bed that looked like it had cost half of Roman’s book sales. Remy scowled and looked him. Roman nodded his permission and Remy swiped a knife across her shoulder.

She was awake instantly, gasping in pain.

“Aah!”

“Hello madame.” Roman said smoothly, his deeper voice feeling like an old friend. “You know, you’re a rather special lady, aren’t you. Normally, we reserve this treatment for men who are the antithesis of a gentleman. But we are willing to make an exception for you.”

Madeline’s eyes widened. “S-Security!”

“Not available, sorry.” Remy said. “Everyone mysteriously got the night off. Everyone found someone to cover their shift, which kinda left you with no one on shift at all. Sorry. Dumb luck, Princess.”

“I- huh?” Madeline stammered.

“Oh, Princess sounds too nice for her.” Roman pouted.

“But aren’t we giving her a royal treatment?”

“Ah, touche.”

“I’m sorry, who are you?” Madeline asked.

Roman grinned wickedly “I’m the Prince, and this is my Knight. We’re here to kill you now.”

Remy threw knives into either of her shoulders, pinning her to the bed with a shrill scream. Roman clicked his tongue.

“Enough of that, now, miss.”

Remy flipped a knife to him and he carved out her tongue. She shrieked in pain as Roman wrinkled his nose. He tossed the tongue into the sink with a sniff.

“Gross.” Remy said.

“Indeed.”

Madeline sobbed, which was an interesting sound without a tongue. Remy rolled his eyes and yanked the knives out before flipping her onto her stomach. He made long cuts on either side of her back and Roman tossed him a plastic kitchen glove.

Remy’s eyebrows furrowed. “What am I gonna do with this?”

“Put it over your gloves.” Roman explained. “That’s genuine leather, I don’t want to have to clean it. Or worse, make your dad clean it.”

Remy groaned, but put the glove on before wrapping his hand through the cuts and around her spine. He yanked, pulling most of it away, along with a fair bit else that they didn’t need.

Roman hacked it off at either end, praying they had all the parts Hart wanted, before cutting Madeline’s throat for good measure.

“Farewell, Ma’am.” Roman said cheerfully. “Wasn’t a pleasure knowing you.”

***

They cleaned up and went home, making a quick stop at the old apartment to drop the spinal cord in the fridge.

Remy went to bed pretty quickly, tired but proud of himself for pulling out an entire spine. Roman headed to his own room, where all three of his husbands were seated on the bed, waiting.

He swallowed. “Right. Time to talk.”

“Nope.” Said Virgil, popping the ‘p’ dramatically. “I’m super tired and I don’t wanna deal with murder stuff at one in the morning. We’ll talk tomorrow, come to bed.”

“I… okay?” Roman stammered.

He climbed into bed, Logan talking all the while.

“First thing tomorrow, of course.” He said. “This is a serious matter and we need to-“

Patton cut him off with a hug-tackle into the bed. “Shhh, sweetie. Bedtime.”

“Sleep now. Murder later.” Virgil agreed, snuggling into Logan.

Roman chuckled and spooned Virgil from the other side.

“You all are insufferable.” Logan got a kiss from Patton and smiled. “…But tolerable.”

“Gay.” Virgil laughed.


	21. Chapter Twenty

The four husbands were sitting around the table, Logan and Virgil on one side, Roman on the other, Patton between them.

“So… what’s this about?” Roman asked awkwardly after a few moments of silence, running his hand through his hair.

Virgil rolled his eyes, leaning back, his arms crossed. “What do you think, Princey?”

Roman’s eyes widened in panic, and he leaned forward. “Wait, is this about the murder yesterday?” He said hurriedly. “I- I thought you were okay with that, I’m sor-”

Virgil raised his eyebrows. “What? No, it’s not about that. We agreed you could… kill her, so, no, we’re not mad.”

Roman leaned back again, breathing a loud sigh of relief. “So, what’s this about, then?” He asked.

“Virgil and I have decided that you and Remy can be the Prince and the Knight again, if that’s what you want, that is.” Logan said simply, watching carefully for Roman’s reaction.

Roman’s eyes widened, his jaw dropping.

“What, really?” He exclaimed excitedly, his eyes lighting up.

Logan blinked a few times, before responding slowly. “Yes, but we have a few rules you have to follow for this to work out, okay?”

Roman nodded slowly. “Okay, what are they?”

“Well, first of all, you have to run everything by us first, like, plans and stuff.”

Virgil began. “We have to make sure you two aren’t running into a situation that’ll get you caught, or even killed.” Logan continued, crossing his arms.

“Okay, that sounds reasonable, what else?” Roman said.

“You aren’t allowed to kill any innocent person. We don’t need another Steve Cooke incident.”

“What about witnesses?” Patton and Roman asked in unison, before turning and grinning at each other because of it.

Identical alarmed looks appeared on Logan and Virgil’s faces.

“What? No!” Virgil exclaimed. “If they’re innocent, don’t kill them.”

“Okay… but what if they call the cops and Remy and I don’t have time to escape?” Roman asked carefully, not wanting to start a fight. “What if they attack us, and Remy gets hurts? There have to be some exceptions.”

Logan and Virgil glanced at each other for a few moments, seemingly having a quick silent conversation. After a few seconds, Logan turned back to Roman.

“Well, would there be another less permanent way for you to incapacitate any witnesses?” He asked.

“Hmm… well, I guess I could get Remy to throw his knives at their feet - make them unable to walk, you know?” Roman said thoughtfully, drumming his fingers on the table. “But they’ll likely just scream for help, and that’s just not worth the trouble. I guess we could just knock them out, but what if that doesn’t work?”

Patton leaned forwards, his elbow on the table and his chin in his hand, smiling lovingly at Roman. He was starting to love it when Roman talked about murder.

Virgil and Logan looked slightly shocked, but more confused than anything else.

“I… we would prefer if you just knocked them out, but, if you have no other choice, I guess you can… kill them.” Logan said slowly, unsure of how to answer a question like that.

Roman gave him a small smile, nodding. “Thank you. Are there any other rules?”

“Yes, just one.” Logan said. He and Virgil glanced at each other again, clearly worried about the possible reaction to this next rule.

“If… if you get caught, you have to take full credit for everything, you have to act like Remy was forced into this.” Virgil said hesitantly.

Roman blinked a few times in surprise, as if he hadn’t been expecting that to be one of the rules. “I… of course.” He said quickly. “I mean, to be honest, that was already my plan to begin with: so, of course I would.”

Virgil looked surprised for a moment, before giving Roman a small thankful smile. “Great. Now, those are all the rules. We may change some later on, but that’s it for now. Can you go grab Remy, so we can explain them to him too?”

“Okay.” Roman said, standing up. He took a few steps towards the door before pausing and glancing back at his husbands.

“Remy’s not gonna like that last rule.”

“What?” Logan asked, looking slightly confused as he adjusted his glasses.

“You saw what he was like when you all found out the truth a few weeks ago, he refused to let me take all the blame. When we - I mean, IF we get caught - what if he tries to confess?”

There were a few beats of silence as they processed what Roman had just said. Eventually, Logan spoke up again slowly. “I… well, I guess we’ll just have to talk to him about that. Can you go get him now?”

Roman nodded, turning back to the door and leaving. He returned a few minutes later with Remy behind him, his sunglasses propped up on his head, his hands in his pockets and chewing bubblegum.

“So, like, what’s this about?” He asked between bubbles, sitting down on Roman’s other side and leaning back in his chair. “Am I in trouble or something? ‘Cos if I am - it wasn’t me, it was probably Dorian, so you should go lecture him instead.”

Logan sighed. “No, Remy, you’re not in trouble, you’re here because we need to discuss what happened yesterday." 

Remy blinked a few times, before slowly continuing. "Okay… ‘cos it kinda sounds like I’m in trouble. You guys, like, said we could kill that woman, plus she totally deserved it, so I don’t get why you’re mad about that." 

"Remy, we’re not mad at you.” Virgil said, pausing for a moment before continuing. “In fact, Logan and I have been talking… and we decided to let you and Roman become the Prince and the Knight again." 

Remy’s eyes lit up and he sat up straight. "Wait, really?” He asked excitedly. 

Roman grinned, putting his hand on Remy’s shoulder. “Yup.” He confirmed.

“Oh, heck yeah! Tbh, I’ve really missed this.” Remy exclaimed, practically bouncing up and down on the spot. 

“Wait just a second, Remy.” Virgil intervened, before anything got out of hand. “We’re letting you do this again, but not without setting a few rules, okay? We already told them to Roman, and he’s agreed, so you’ve just got to agree to them too." 

Remy nodded slowly. "Okay, what are they?" 

"Well, first of all, you have to tell us first before you kill anyone, okay?” Virgil said, and Remy nodded again. 

“‘Kay, sure, what else?" 

"No more killing innocent people.” Logan said, and when Remy opened his mouth to respond or protest, Virgil spoke up, interrupting.

“You can only kill witnesses if you have no other choice.” Remy shut his mouth, leaning back. 

“Okay, anything else?" 

The four dads glanced at each other uncertainly, unsure of who would say the next part. They knew Remy wouldn’t like it. Patton, Logan and Virgil all turned to Roman, expecting him to be the one to say it. 

He sighed, running a hand through his hair. "Okay, so, I know you aren’t gonna like this one, but if you don’t agree to it, you can’t continue being the Knight, alright?” Roman said slowly. 

Remy gave him a confused and slightly concerned look, indicating for him to go on. 

Roman sighed. “If we get caught, you have to let me take all the credit. Make people think I forced you into this, it’s the only way you’d be able to have a somewhat normal life after all this." 

Remy’s eyes widened, and he sat up straighter. "What? No! I can’t-" 

Logan slammed his hands against the table, stopping Remy mid-sentence. "This isn’t a joke, Remy! This is real life, and you two have done some really fucked up stuff. Sure, you helped a lot of people, and a lot of the people you killed deserved it, but this isn’t some kind of game where you two can just get away with everything as long as it’s for the ‘greater good’, this is reality. If you two get caught, Roman will almost certainly be serving life in prison; we need to make sure that you don’t too." 

Remy went quiet. "I…" 

He looked down, biting his lip. Patton reached out sympathetically and put his hand on Remy’s. 

"Look, Kiddo, you two have gone this long without being caught, and with my family helping you guys out, I’m sure you never will be! But… we need to make sure we’re prepared. If something like that does happen, we want you to have a chance at a normal life, instead of one behind bars. Can you… can you please help us out and just agree to this one thing?”

Remy looked up at his dads, glancing at all of their serious, but concerned, expressions. 

After a few moments, he sighed. “Okay." 

There were sighs of relief from all four of them, and Roman grinned, throwing his arm over Remy’s shoulder and playfully ruffling his hair. "Cheer up, kid, we get to be the Prince and the Knight again, isn’t that great? We don’t have to hide it anymore!" 

Remy blinked a few times before grinning, sitting up straighter. "Yeah, that is great! This is, like, so cool, I’ll finally be able to show Em all my knives!”

“Yeah!” Roman exclaimed enthusiastically. 

Logan and Virgil looked like they were about to protest, but figured this wasn’t the time, so kept quiet. Patton was smiling happily at his family, glad that things were all working out again. 

“Okay, should we get the others, explain to them what’s going on?” Virgil said after a few more moments. 

Logan stood up. “Yes, I’ll go get them now.”

He left the room, returning a few minutes later with Thomas, Emile and Dorian, who had been in the middle of a Steven Universe marathon. The three of them sat down in the empty chairs, slightly confused. 

“So, what’s going on?” Thomas asked. 

“Well, we’ve decided to let Roman and Remy start being the Prince and the Knight again - permanently this time.” Logan said. 

“By themselves?” Emile asked immediately. 

“What? Of course.” Logan responded, looking slightly confused at the question. 

“Okay… just checking, I guess. So, you’re okay with them doing this, then?" 

"Well… we set down a few rules, like how they can’t harm any innocent people, but… we’ve decided that this is okay.” Virgil continued. 

All of a sudden, Dorian gasped loudly, his eyes lighting up enthusiastically. 

“Is everything okay, Kiddo?” Patton asked. 

“You’re… you’re like Aladdin!” Dorian exclaimed excitedly, bouncing up and down on the spot.

“Uh… what do you mean by that, Dorian?” Roman asked, entertained but confused. 

“He did things people thought were bad, but he was actually a good guy! Just like you two! You’re heroes!" 

There was a moment of silence, before Remy grinned, reaching over and ruffling Dorian’s hair. "You got that right, we’re heroes, we help people." 

Dorian beamed. "I wanna help people too! Can I join?”

“Uh…” Roman hesitated, and the four adults all glanced at each other. “Maybe when you’re older, little Baron, you’re too small for anything like that right now.”

Dorian pouted, and Patton looked like he was about to protest, but Logan and Virgil gave him pointed stares, so he didn’t speak up.

“So… I can when I’m Remy’s age?" Dorian suddenly asked hopefully. 

Roman glanced at Logan and Virgil, who just looked unsure. 

"Well, if you still want to by then… we’ll talk about it when the time comes, okay?" 

"Okay, I can’t wait!” Dorian said happily, back to being just as excited as before. 

*** 

Later that day, the family were curled up on the couches in the living room, watching Aladdin. The four kids were in a pile on one sofa, and the dads all sat on the other. Roman sat between Patton and Logan, and Virgil was curled up on Patton’s other side. 

Roman, shifted slightly closer to Logan, his arm curled around him, and pressed a soft kiss to Logan’s cheek. 

“Thanks for letting us do this again.” Roman whispered softly. 

Logan leaned on him more, quietly responding with, “Well, you two clearly enjoy it, and I don’t see the harm in it, as long as you don’t hurt innocent people, so of course we’ll let you." 

Roman smiled softly, pulling him even closer. "I love you." 

He whispered. "I love you too.”


	22. Chapter Twenty One

“I’m mad.” Remy huffed loudly.

“I know…” Emile soothed, stroking his hair in a vain attempt to calm his brother.

“I am so. Incredibly. Mad.”

“I know.”

Remy stretched his back a little, shifting to put more of himself in Emile’s lap. “I can’t wait ‘til Papa gets back from that stupid book tour. Then we can wipe that man’s stupid face off this stupid planet.”

Emile sighed. “You aren’t going to calm down til that happens, are you?”

“Not a chance.” Remy grinned wolfishly up at him, watching as Emile fondly rolled his eyes.

Patton leaned over the countertop, eyeing the twins curiously.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Remy saw Dorian’s teacher taking drugs before the class started and now he’s on the warpath.” Emile said, sounding almost bored and

“He did what?!” Patton and Virgil exclaimed in unison.

Virgil whirled to look at them, almost falling off the island counter where he’d been perched. Patton reached out an arm to steady him.

“I know, I know,” Emile continued, his back turned and oblivious to his fathers’ distress. “I told him not to do it until Papa gets back. But he’s not listening to me.”

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Not that, Remy never listens-”

“Hey!”

“-but what’s this about Dorian’s teacher doing drugs? Did you see what kind?”

Remy shook his head angrily. “No, just that he popped in some big pills from a bottle under the desk that didn’t look like it belonged to him. Then he went out to greet the kids. Ugh, I hate him so much.”

“Maybe they were prescription?” Patton asked hopefully.

Emile shook his head. “I don’t think so. They looked like the pills Father took when they took his teeth out.”

Patton hissed through his teeth. “Yikes. That’s some wacky stuff… there’s no way that could have been prescribed without him taking off work.”

Virgil hopped off the counter and started pacing. Three pairs of eyes tracked his progress back and forth across the living room.

After a few minutes Patton finally spoke up. “Virge? Honey, you okay?”

“‘M thinking.” Virgil mumbled.

“...about?”

Virgil sighed. “About… taking Roman’s Prince costume, busting into that school, and making sure that Mr. Luke McNamara is taking things he shouldn’t be.”

Remy sat up, suddenly alert. “And when we see that he is?”

“If he is…” Virgil hesitated. “Then we’ll stop it. However we have to.”

***

 “This is way too big.” Virgil griped.

He rolled up the sleeves of Roman’s Prince costume for what felt like the thirtieth time, then readjusted the sword belt again. He might have a few inches of height on Roman, but Roman was still quite a bit bigger than he was.

Remy rolled his eyes. “Well it isn’t on Papa. Come on, we’re wasting moonlight.”

He took off across a rooftop and Virgil grumpily followed after him, stopping every so often to roll the sleeves back up.

“Is the parkour really necessary?” He griped. “I’m not exactly as fit as your Papa is.”

“It’s the most necessary thing ever, now shut up.”

“More necessary than breathing?”

“Uggggggh, I said shut up!” Remy said, landing on a particularly large building. “We’re almost there and you’re going to blow our- well, never mind we’re here. You should still shut up though.”

Virgil rolled his eyes so hard they almost fell out of his head. The two of them crawled in through the vent system and into Dorian’s classroom.

“Okay.” Remy said. “So, Papa usually drops in with a kinda-cool-sorta-lame one-liner. Something like ‘pardon me, I think you have an appointment with royalty’ or whatever.”

“I’m not doing that.” Virgil said bluntly.

Remy shrugged understandingly. “Look, I can’t say I blame you, but I know Pa will freak if ‘the Prince’ goes out and doesn’t follow his own formula. While that’s funny to watch, I’d rather avoid another ‘princely lecture,’ m’kay?”

Virgil squinted at him. “I didn’t think we raised you to be this sassy.”

Remy grinned at him. “You led by example, Pops. Now drop into the room and say something stupid.”

Virgil huffed, but let himself fall into the room as gracefully as he could manage (meaning he nearly fell over when his feet hit the ground). He turned stiffly to face the Luke McNamara and pointed the sword at him, albeit shakily. He cleared his throat awkwardly.

 “Um. I think you’ve got a royal appointment.”

He heard Remy facepalm above him. He dropped in next to him.

“I woulda gone with literally anything else, but that’s fine.” Remy said.

“That’s the example you gave me!”

“Yeah, whatev.” Remy turned to Mr. McNamara “Anyway, sorry about him. You were such a scumbag that the Prince himself couldn’t be bothered to show, so you get his understudy.”

Luke backed away, stammering. He ran into the backboard and dropped the books in his hands. They both ignored him.

Virgil scowled at Remy. “I’m not his understudy! I’m just filling in so that you aren’t off killing people on your own.”

“Mhm. Sure.” Remy said, disbelievingly. “Anyway, girl, I hope you know what you did, because recounting it isn’t usually my job and I’m not in the mood.”

“I-I don’t!” McNamara stammered. “I’ve been faithful to my wife, I never do more than look at other women. There was one encounter in Hooters, but it was nothing and beyond that my record is squeaky clean!”

“Oh goodie, we get to tell you.” Remy deadpanned.

“First off, that ‘encounter in Hooters’ probably wasn’t nothing to everyone involved.” Virgil said. “Second off, we’re here because you’ve been consistently misusing drugs, often in front of children that you are meant to watch.”

Luke’s eyes widened from saucer size to planet size.

“Now,” Virgil continued. “If I was the usual princely idiot, I’d give some speech about how you’ve failed as a gentleman and how you’re a failure to society blah, blah, blah. But honestly, you’ve just failed at being a decent person so, like, I’m just gonna shoot you and say you suck.”- Virgil

Virgil pulled a glock from his overcoat and shot him. Blood splattered against the blackboard and Luke McNamara crumpled to the ground in an unceremonial heap.

“You suck.”

Remy frowned. “You were supposed to stab him.”

“I suck with swords.” Virgil deadpanned. “The job’s done so it’s over now. Leave your calling card and carve out anything you need from him. I’m ready for bed.”

***

That night Virgil and Patton were curled up in their bed, Logan softly snoring on their other side. Patton had Virgil’s head cradled to his chest, gently combing his fingers through his hair.

“Virge? Are you okay? You’ve been pretty quiet.” He asked quietly.

Virgil hesitated. “I… I think so? But also… not.”

Patton placed a small kiss on his forehead. “Talk to me, honey-cakes. What’s on your mind?”

Virgil’s eyebrows furrowed. “I- urgh. I’m not okay, because of how okay I am. I just killed a man for crying out loud, and now I’m- what? Cuddling my husband? Going to bed completely calm? That’s not right! I should be torturing myself. Tossing and turning and making myself miserable because of the life I just ended. Why am I okay with this?”

“Honey, you are torturing yourself right now with this line of thinking.” Patton said gently.

Virgil made a frustrated growling noise. “I’ve killed people before - in the line of duty or whatever the heck - but it was always in self defense. And their faces haunted me for months afterwards. Why… I hunted this guy down… and I hardly remember what he looked like. Why don’t I feel bad?”

There was a small pause, during which Virgil was almost scared Patton fell asleep.

“I think, going off the evidence, you do feel bad,” Patton said, finally. “But you aren’t ready to let yourself feel bad yet because he was such an awful guy, and you don’t feel like he deserves it. You don’t think he deserves your tears, so you refuse to shed them, because admitting that you feel bad about killing him feels like you’re admitting you could have made a mistake, which would only hurt you, so you’re subconsciously protecting yourself from that.”

“...I don’t know that I want to stop doing that. Is that horrible?” Virgil whispered, terrified.

“I don’t know if I’m the one to tell you that, Virge. But I do know that if you decide to let go, I’ll be right here to catch you.” Patton kissed him again. “We all will.”

***

“You what!?” Roman exclaimed.

“I took Remy out and we killed a teacher. What are you missing here?” Virgil spooned more cereal into his mouth.

“Um, LITERALLY EVERYTHING? I need details! Details like ‘why,’ and ‘how,’ and ‘what the fudge-nuggets!’”

Virgil swallowed and shrugged. “Well you weren’t here, and it needed to be dealt with so… I just… dealt.”

“You just ‘dealt?’” Roman gaped at him. “You make all that fuss over me and Remy killing people and you just ‘dealt?’”

“Look, can we please not turn this into another fight?” Virgil said tiredly. “I just kinda reacted and I don’t… I don’t know anymore, okay?”

Roman sighed and sat across from him. “Of course, darling. If it’s upsetting you that much.”

He smiled and gently set a hand over Virgil’s. Virgil continued to eat his cereal with his free hand.

“Can I ask one thing?”

“Ugh, what?” Virgil groaned.

“What now? Are you planning to be my permanent understudy or…” Roman trailed off.

“I’m no one’s understudy!” Virgil snapped. “I just- maybe, maybe, I can help out if the two of you need it. But I don’t want to just be a fill-in Prince. That’s… lame.”

Roman snorted. “Okay?”

“I just-” Virgil faltered. “If I’m going to do this, whatever this is, I want to commit to it. I don’t want to be able to rationalize it late at night. I either want all in or all out. No halfsies or almosts. I don’t want to be ‘Prince number two’ or ‘the Prince’s understudy.’ I want to… I need to be my own persona or whatever to keep myself in line.”

Roman softened. “Okay. Okay, dear. And what would you like this persona to be called, love? I have a chart of royal titles if you need. You could be my King.”

Virgil wrinkled his nose playfully. “Gross. Absolutely not, you big sap. I will be your dark overlord and nothing else.” -Virgil

“But that’s not thematic!”

“Don’t care. Dark Overlord or no deal, Princey.”

Roman huffed and rounded the table, pulling Virgil into a hug.

“Ugh, fine. Why I married someone so sarcastic is beyond me.”

Virgil smirked and kissed him. “Because you love me or some crap.”

“Ah yes, I think that might have been the reason.” Roman laughed.

They kissed again, the world feeling a little more perfect than it had been earlier.

 


	23. Chapter Twenty Two

It was a relatively normal Saturday evening in the Sanders household. Virgil had taken Thomas and a few of his friends out to the theatre, and Patton and Emile were cooking in the kitchen. Meanwhile, Logan and Dorian were in the sitting room, watching Remy and Roman preparing for another murder.

"Aww, why can’t I come with you guys?" Dorian whined, eyeing Remy’s mask and blades enviously.

Logan firmly put his hand on Dorian’s shoulders. "Dorian, we’ve already told you, you’re too young for something like this."

"But Remy started when he was twelve!" He protested, arms crossed.

"Well, then maybe we’ll talk about it when you’re twelve, but, for now, let it go, okay?"

Dorian paused for a moment before pouting exaggeratedly. "...Okay."

"Hey, Dorian, wanna hold my knives?" Remy said suddenly, holding one of his knives out to his little brother

Dorian’s eyes lit up in excitement. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" He cheered, grabbing the knife enthusiastically and immediately poking at the edges.

Of course, these edges were very sharp, and Dorian accidentally cut his finger, causing tiny droplets of blood to spill out of the small wound and onto the knife.

"Ouch!" He yelped.

Logan immediately snatched the knife away. "And that is why you can’t join them yet. We don’t want you getting hurt."

He gave Remy a disapproving look before carefully handing the knife back to him and watching as Remy wiped the blood off the knife and onto his dark shirt.

Logan turned back to his youngest son. "Now, do you need a Band-Aid, Dorian?"

Dorian nodded, and Logan put his hand on his shoulder.

"Okay, come on, let’s go find some." Logan said, before glancing back at Remy and Roman. "Are you two heading out now?"

"Yup!" Roman chirped. "We’re off to go kill one Michael Hemelda. He’s been stealing from his employees and customers for years now, and no one’s doing anything about it."

Remy grinned. "Until now."

Roman turned to his son, grinning too. "Exactly."

They high-fived enthusiastically, and Logan rolled his eyes.

"Okay. Have fun, stay safe, and remember to remove the ribcage, Brian told me Hart asked you to bring that for them." He said, keeping his hand on Dorian’s shoulder.

"Will do!" Roman exclaimed, before leaning forward and pressing a quick kiss to Logan’s lips.

Remy wrinkled his nose exaggeratedly. "Gross."

Roman laughed, ruffling his hair affectionately. "C’mon, Knight, let’s go kill a man."

***

Ten minutes later, Logan entered the kitchen, immediately spotting Emile mixing cake batter and Patton leaning against the counter, on the phone to Hart. Now, this would be a pretty normal circumstance, if it hadn’t been for the fact that Patton had a very concerned look on his face: his brow creasing as he chewed his lip.

"Okay... okay. I... that’s not good." Patton said, pausing for a few moments, presumably listening to Hart’s response. "Hmm, yes, I’ll tell them. Gosh, I hope it’s not too late." He paused for another few seconds before continuing again. "Okay... yes, I’ll let you know what happens... love you, bye."

Patton then pulled the phone away from his ear, hanging up and turning to Logan with wide eyes.

"We need to stop Roman and Remy." He said.

"What? Why? What happened?" Logan asked, eyebrows raised as he stepped forward.

"They had been told that their victim’s security system was currently offline, that it was going to be fixed next Tuesday. But Hart just told me the house has just been fitted with a silent alarm that will contact police but make no noise."

"So, if they break into the house..." Logan started slowly.

"They’ll get caught."

There was a moment of silence, all three people in the kitchen looking at each other in horror. After a few seconds, Logan suddenly turned around to leave the room.

"I’ll check if they left their phones here. You call them, just in case they haven’t." He said, and Patton nodded firmly.

Logan exited the room, immediately spotting both phones on the table. He froze, pausing for a few seconds before yelling back to the kitchen.

"Patton."

"Yes?" Patton asked loudly.

"Their phones are here."

Patton and Emile entered the room, both also spotting the phones straight away, and all three of them went silent again for a few moments.

All of a sudden, Logan spoke up again. "I’ll go after them."

Emile and Patton turned to face him.

"What?" Patton said.

"You stay here and watch Dorian and Emile, and I’ll find a hoodie, a mask, and my guns." Logan continued, keeping his eyes trained on the phones on the table. "Then I’ll go after them. It would take about half an hour for the cops to reach the house after the alarm’s set off, so if they’re already inside by the time I arrive, there should be enough time for me to get them out of there."

"What are the guns for?" Emile asked.

"In case I need to help them finish the job."

There was a moment of silence, before Patton suddenly spoke up.

"Emile, go bring your father one of Virgil’s darkest hoodies, I’ll go find a mask. Logan, you go grab your guns."

Emile nodded immediately, turning and running upstairs. Logan turned to Patton, confused.

"You aren’t-" He began to ask, before he was quickly interrupted by Patton.

"Darling, with my history, you really think I’d try to stop you? Now, get your guns, and go save our husband and son." Patton said firmly, before pressing a quick kiss to Logan’s cheek and leaving to find a mask.

Logan paused for a few moments, wondering how exactly his life became the mess that it was, before leaving the room to go find his guns.

A few minutes later, Logan was ready in the living room: dressed in a black hoodie and with a mask in his pocket to wear when he arrived at the house, his guns on the table beside him.

Emile and Dorian watched from the side as Patton made sure Logan was fully ready, double checking the guns and that Logan knew what to do.

After a minute or two, Dorian opened his mouth to say something, but he was quickly interrupted by Logan.

"No, Dorian, for the last time, you can’t come, it’s too dangerous."

Dorian crossed his arms, pouting, whilst Emile patted his shoulder sympathetically.

Patton stepped back, looking up at Logan. "You got everything?" He asked.

Logan nodded. "Yes, I checked multiple times - I have everything I need."

"Good."

Patton gave him a quick kiss on the lips, which the kids barely protested, and gave him a soft smile when he stepped back again.

"Stay safe, okay?" He said softly. "I don’t want to have to break any of you out of jail, or sew up any gross wounds."

"I will."

Logan kissed Patton’s forehead, before giving both Emile and Dorian big hugs, and then leaving, his heart pounding in his chest as he wondered what would happen when he reached Roman and Remy.

***

A few hours later, Logan arrived at a large house in the middle of nowhere. He had parked somewhere not too far away, but still hidden from sight. As he approached the entrance, he saw the two security guards laying on the ground, wounds on their heads. Logan knelt down beside them, relieved that they were only knocked out, not dead.

He then stood up, glancing at the closed gate in front of him, and sighing as he realised, he had to climb over. This was not his forté.

It took a few minutes for him to safely get over the spiked gate and on the ground at the other side. He double checked that none of his clothes had torn, leaving fabric behind, before walking over to the house, letting out a long, irritated sigh when he noticed the large smashed window, right by the front door.

"They really need to learn how to pick locks." He mumbled to himself.

Logan slowly climbed through the window, careful not to cut himself on the jagged glass, but tripping and hitting the floor just as he was almost through. He groaned loudly as he pushed himself back up, though he was very relieved that his glasses had miraculously remained unbroken.

As soon as he was standing up straight, he spotted the blood-covered body of a woman, who he assumed was the cleaner, laying at the other end of the room. Logan walked over to her, making sure not to step in any blood, and crouching beside the body. It was still warm, the body wasn’t quite purple yet, and the eyes were only just sinking into the skull, indicating that she hadn’t been dead for too long.

He breathed a sigh of relief and mumbled to himself, "Okay... good. This means they haven’t been here long."

Logan stood up straight, giving the body one last distasteful look, before moving on to the next room, immediately getting jumped by another servant.

His glasses were knocked to the floor, and his vision went fuzzy.

Logan impulsively shoved the other man to the ground, pulling out his gun and aiming for where he assumed the head was. The body went limp, but before Logan could breathe a sigh of relief, he heard a crash from upstairs, followed by muffled Remy swearing.

He sighed, before moving and yelling loudly up the staircase, "It’s just me!"

He heard a few muffled quiet words, and there were a few moments pause, before Roman yelled back.

"Logan?"

"Yes." He yelled back.

"What are you doing here?" Roman shouted.

"I’m-" Logan began, before pausing and sighing. "I’m coming upstairs."

He spent a few seconds feeling the ground to find his glasses (which were luckily still in one piece), before going upstairs and finding Roman and Remy dissecting a blood-covered corpse, clearing away organs to get to the ribs.

"Hey, Logan! What are you doing here?" Roman asked, much too casually than he should have.

"Oh, you know, I just casually felt like visiting the house my husband and son were killing a man in. It’s no big deal." Logan said dryly, and Remy and Roman blinked in confusion.

Logan sighed. "There’s a silent alarm, you guys most likely set it off, and I’m here to help you escape before the cops arrive."

"What?!" Roman exclaimed, jumping up.

"There’s no time for questions." He said impatiently. "Leave the ribs, we have to go."

Remy stood up beside Roman. "But, Hart-"

"He’s Patton’s cousin. He’d choose your safety over some guy’s ribcage any day. Now, come on, let’s go."

They began to leave the room, and on the way downstairs, Roman asked, "So, what’s with the blood?"

"I had to shoot someone." Logan responded emotionlessly.

Roman blinked a few times in surprise.

"And... you’re okay with that?" He asked carefully.

"I’m sure once we’re away from this situation I’ll react with... ugh, emotions, but, for now, I’m calm." Logan said slowly, and Roman gave him a concerned look.

After a few seconds, he said, "Remy, go in your father’s car with him, I think he’ll need the support."

Remy nodded. "’Kay."

There was a moment of silence as they all climbed out the window, Roman and Logan carefully helping Remy (despite some protests) to make sure he didn’t get hurt.

"Roman, you take the long way home, I’ll take the shortest route. We don’t want to seem suspicious." Logan said, and Roman nodded, giving him a quick kiss and ruffling Remy’s hair before they parted ways.

It didn’t take too long for Logan and Remy to reach and climb into the car, and once they did, they pulled off their masks and Logan pulled off his hoodie, handing it to Remy to cover his outfit.

They drove for a few minutes in silence, before Remy eventually spoke up.

"Hey... are you okay?" He asked softly.

Logan looked unsure for a few moments, not knowing how to answer, before sighing.

"I... I don’t know. The things that happened tonight... it goes against everything I’ve ever known. I just... I just don’t know how to feel." Logan said, looking very pale as he clutched the steering wheel tightly.

Remy paused for a moment.

"Do you... do you want to pull over?" He asked carefully.

"What?" Logan responded, confused.

"I mean, we should be far enough from the crime scene... and you look like you could use a hug."

There were a few seconds of silence before Logan sighed, pulling over at the side of the road. He paused for a second, before letting go of the wheel, turning to glance at Remy, who opened his arms immediately, pulling his father into a big (slightly awkwardly positioned) hug.

They stayed like that for a couple minutes, with Logan letting out a few tears.

"Do you regret what just happened?" Remy asked quietly, and Logan paused for a moment, before answering.

"No, and that’s why I’m scared."

Remy pulled him closer, and Logan rested his forehead on Remy’s shoulder.

"I want to do it again, and that’s why I’m scared." Logan said softly.

"So was I, when I first started."

Logan pulled away, giving his son a very confused look. "You were?"

"Mhm, but I talked to Pa about it, and everything’s good now." Remy said, pausing for moment to watch Logan’s reaction, before continuing. "That’s what you should do. When we get home, talk to everyone. They won’t judge you if you want to join ‘cos they all already have. It’ll all be okay, I promise."

Logan looked at him for moment, realising Remy was a lot more mature than he let on, before sighing.

"You’re right, I will do that. Thank you, Remy. I... I needed that." He said, giving Remy a small smile, which was quickly returned.

"No problem. Now, let’s go home."


	24. Chapter Twenty Three

The next day, the entire family sat around the table, knowing they needed to talk, but no one wanting to be the first to do so.

“So…” Roman finally said, fiddling with the sleeves of his shirt.

“So.” Virgil echoed, tucking a loose strand of hair behind his ear.

“... Does this mean you two are our partners now?” Remy asked, looking up from where he sat beside Roman.

“No.” Logan said firmly from Roman’s other side.

“Not… exactly.” Virgil corrected, glancing at Logan.

“Just because someone in the family kills someone, doesn’t mean they’re our new partner, ácaro.” Roman said, smiling morosely.

“Your Papa’s got a point, kiddo.” Patton said.

“Hey, enemy of my enemy, right?” Remy said, leaning back in his chair. “ We could use all the help we can get in cleaning up these streets.”

Emile rolled his eyes, patting Remy’s shoulder. “It’s not cleaning up the streets if you’re part of the problem, Rem.”

“If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em, broseph.” Remy grinned, and Emile almost rolled his eyes.

“Okay, okay, listen. We- Lo and I- the two of us aren’t ‘joining’ anything, okay? We’re not- I can’t…” Virgil cut himself off, his breaths shortening.

Patton was leaning closer to him faster than anyone could blink, gently rubbing his arm. “Hey, hey, it’s okay, honey! Breathe with me. Remember, in for four…”

Patton gave a small nod for the rest of the family to continue while he calmed Virgil down.

“I think what Virgil was attempting to convey was that we aren’t… happy… with the choices we made.” Logan said, face inscrutable, pushing his glasses further up his nose. “Looking back, at least one of them was entirely preventable. Regardless, we cannot turn back time, so now we stand at a crossroads. Do we continue down this path with the two of you or do we… do nothing?” He then sighed. “I will admit I am not certain of any other options at the moment.”

“That’s perfectly fine, querido. I never wanted all of you mixed up in this anyway.” Roman admitted, putting his hand on Logan’s shoulder reassuringly. “And you were so unsure about the whole thing in the first place- it’s a miracle that you’ve managed to stay together so long. And I would never ask you to put that composure at risk.”

“...I want to help.” Patton said quietly, having calmed down Virgil.

“You what?” Everyone turned to Patton.

“Maybe not out in the field,” Patton corrected, smiling sheepishly. “But… well, I’m well trained. And I’ve been at this longer than all of you combined. If you need backup, I’m here.”

Silence fell over the table for a moment, Patton’s family history feeling almost tangible in that moment.

“Lo and I could do that, too.” Virgil said softly. “I mean, we’re not as good as Patton, I guess, but if the two or three of you need some help, we could step in. If that’s okay with you, Lo.”

Logan thought for a moment. “It certainly has some merit to it. It would further prevent any injury to a member of our family, and serve to keep them out of harm's way while avoiding making those who are uncomfortable with it kill anyone else. Yes, I think that could work nicely.”

Remy pumped his fist into the air and Dorian cheered, which made everyone but Virgil and Logan laugh a little.

Roman chuckled, grinning at Virgil. “Not ready to give up your Overlord title, yet, huh?”

“That’s got nothing to do with it at all.” Virgil snuffed, leaning back in his chair. “And Dorian, this deal goes for me and your Father, not you. You’re not killing so much as an ant until you’re older.”

“What about uncles?” Dorian asked innocently, and Patton giggled.

“Out of the question.” Logan deadpanned. “Though the mention of Virgil’s new moniker raises the question of some for Patton and myself. What should the two of us be called?”

Roman practically vaulted over the table and pecked Patton on the cheek. “Patton es el rey de todo mi corazón, de todos nuestros corazones, así como el rey de la casa y el asesino más experimentado. That’s why he should be the King.”

Patton giggled and the kids retched, while Logan sat there looking mildly confused and frustrated.

“I’m not entirely sure I understood your reasoning but I think you said to make Patton ‘the King?’” He asked slowly.

“Sí, ¡es la única opción "lógica" para un título así!” Roman replied cheerfully.

“Okay, now you’re only doing that to be annoy me.” Logan huffed. “I apologize, once again, for taking Latin instead of Spanish.”

Roman grinned. “Está bien mi pequeño sourpuss. I still love you, whether you can speak my mother tongue or not.” He kissed Logan’s cheek. “Besides. I’ve got a much better tongue for y-”

Thomas slammed his hands onto the table, effectively cutting Roman off. “OKAY, ENOUGH OF THAT! I think Father should be the Duke, since, historically, they were under Princes, but above everyone else. It keeps on-theme without having to repeat or cause confusion.”

Logan blinked, before giving his eldest a small, proud smile. “Very astute, Thomas. I believe that is the perfect alias, well done!”

Thomas’ chest puffed out a little at the compliment. “Thanks! And we can find more later, if we need to. Since there’s a whole host of royal rankings and stuff.”

“You’re a real ace, kiddo!” Patton said with a beam.

“No, that’s me.” Emile and Logan said in unison.

Emile and Patton gasped, causing Logan to raise an eyebrow. Then it clicked and his face dropped with a groan.

“You made a dad joke!” Patton cheered, and everyone else laughed.

“No. No I didn’t.” Logan protested, but he knew it was too late.

“Father.” Dorian grinned cheekily. “Lying is wrong!”

“Yes you did! And it was really aces, Father!” Emile grinned.

“Eh, I think it pans out.” Remy joked.

“No, stop!”

“C’mon, L. Let us run a few more bi you.” Virgil said teasingly.

“This is hell.”

“Come on, just because we can’t keep anything straight to save our lives, doesn’t mean yours is over.”

Dorian jumped up and down excitedly. “And! And! We’re gay!”

Everyone laughed at that, drastically lightening the mood.

“That we are, pequeño resbaladizo, that we are!” Roman said.

“I take it all back, someone end my suffering.” Logan said.

Patton moved around and hugged him from behind. “Absolutely not, we love you too much.”

“As gay as we are, we’re gayer for you.” Virgil said.

Remy snorted. “That’s gay.”

“Sue me.” Virgil responded, and Logan rolled his eyes.

“I will.”

“Alright, alright. If everything is as sorted as we can make it, let's all go into the living room.” Roman leaned closer to the eldest and stage whispered, “Pop in The Greatest Showman, Thomas, I want to see if I can coax your Father into a duet with me.”

“I can hear you!”

 


	25. Chapter Twenty Four

A few weeks later, Remy was in the sitting room, lecturing all three of his brothers, who were sitting in front of him on the couch. Emile and Thomas looked mildly interested, whilst Dorian, who sat between them, stared at Remy in wonder, listening intently.

"Okay, so, if someone tries to attack you, you need to, like, aim for the soft parts." Remy said seriously, arms crossed. "You know, neck, stomach, eyes, di-"

"Alright, alright, that’s enough." Virgil interrupted, coming up behind Remy and putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Aww, but, Pop, what if they get in a fight?" Remy protested. "They need to be able to defend themselves!"

Virgil raised his eyebrows. "You really think any of them would want to start a fight?"

"I would!" Dorian said excitedly. "I wanna fight all the bad guys!"

Virgil sighed. "Dorian, you don’t count, we don’t leave you unsupervised long enough to get into fights."

Dorian leant back, crossing his arms and pouting exaggeratedly. Thomas patted his shoulder a few times, and Remy looked like he was about to speak up again, but he was interrupted by Patton sticking his head into the room.

"Hey, guys, could someone walk into town for me?" He asked cheerfully. "We’re out of milk and I’ve gotta stay here and work on dinner."

Virgil looked at him apologetically. "Sorry, Pat, I’m taking Remy to the movies and picking up Toby on the way."

"I can go." Thomas spoke up and Dorian’s eyes lit up.

"Ooh! Me too, me too!" He exclaimed, bouncing.

Patton smiled. "Okay, that works! I’ll grab you some cash, you can buy ice cream with the change."

Dorian cheered loudly at that.

***

A couple hours later, Thomas and Dorian were walking back from the store, holding ice cream and a jug of milk. There was a large pocket knife in Thomas’s pocket, Remy had given it to him for safety, even though he thought it was unnecessary. It was quite dark, and the streets were pretty empty.

"And THEN he said that having four dads is weird, so I pushed him, and he cried." Dorian rambled on, and Thomas smiled.

"Wow, really?"

"Yeah!" He exclaimed. "I’m great at fighting, I don’t get why Papa won’t let me join."

"Well, maybe it’s ‘cos-" Thomas begun, but Dorian interrupted him, pointing at a nearby alleyway.

"Ooh, what’s in there?" He said, before wandering into it with no further warning.

"Dorian, no-" Thomas tried to interject.

He sighed as his little brother ignored him. He followed Dorian into the alleyway where he was kicking boxes and looking at the trash. Thomas was about to tell him to stop, when Dorian’s ice cream slipped out of his hand and onto the ground.

"Aww, my ice cream!" He exclaimed, and Thomas sighed again.

"Sorry, Dee, it’s too late to go back and get you a new one, the store’s probably closed."

Dorian turned to face Thomas, about to start complaining, when his eyes widened.

"Uh... Thomas? There’s someone behind you."

Thomas spun around, immediately spotting a short, hairy man at the end of the alleyway, clutching a large knife in his left hand. Dorian squeaked, hiding behind Thomas, and all three of them were silent for a few seconds.

"You’re the Sanders kids, aren’t you?" The man eventually growled, and Thomas gulped.

He stood up straighter, trying to seem brave. "Yes... why?"

The man took a few steps closer. "I heard you guys are loaded, you probably have a bunch of cash on you right now."

"No, no, only a dollar, I swear." Thomas stumbled, pushing Dorian further behind him, and secretly pulling the small knife out of his back pocket.

"I don’t believe you." The man continued, moving forward again. "Kids of celebrities always have some kind of credit card on them, so I bet you do too."

"We only have a dollar!" Dorian exclaimed, shaking. "Please... please don’t hurt us!"

The man glared at him. "Shut up, brat."

He suddenly lunged at them.

Thomas reflexively thrusted the knife forward, pushing it straight into the man’s stomach with a sickening squelch. The middle-aged man then fell to his knees, and Thomas just stood there, clutching the bloody knife and shaking.

"Please... help..." The man croaked, but Dorian just kicked him in the head, and he fell to the ground, passing out.

"Haha!" Dorian shouted, hands on hips. "Don’t mess with us, stupid robber man, don’t you know who our Pa is? He’s the-"

"Dorian!" Thomas exclaimed.

Dorian spun around to face him. "What? He’s gonna die anyway!"

"People could hear!" His brother hissed, and Dorian blinked a few times.

"Oh." Dorian said, pausing for a few seconds before hesitantly continuing. "We should hide the body."

"What?!"

"Well, we don’t want someone to see him!" Dorian protested. "Plus, you’ve got blood on you, we should call Dad."

Thomas looked down at his bloody hands and his Steven Universe t-shirt, which was also sticky with red. He almost gagged at that sight. He wasn’t totally sure if he could wear this shirt again, even if it did wash out.

"Okay, okay, you’re right." He reluctantly agreed, pulling his phone out and handing it to Dorian. "You call Dad, I’ll prop this guy up behind the trash cans."

"Okay!" Dorian exclaimed, fiddling with the phone.

He tried to call Patton on it while Thomas pushed the body behind the bin, but got no response. After about a minute, he spoke up again.

"Dad’s not answering, should I call Papa?"

"Uh, yeah, sure." Thomas said, glancing up for a second.

He just about finished propping the body up, out of sight from the street, when Roman answered.

"Hey, Thomas! Me and Logan are done with our date and are heading back home now, what’s up?"

Dorian grinned. "Papa, it’s me, Dorian!"

"Oh, hey, Dee!" Roman responded. "What are you doing on Thomas’s phone?"

"He’s dealing with the body, so he told me to call you!"

"What?!" Roman exclaimed, so loudly that Thomas could hear it too.

"Oh! Yeah, okay, me and Thomas were coming back from the shops - Dad told us to buy milk and we bought ice cream too - and I went into this weird alleyway, and then some guy tried to mug us! Thomas stabbed him in the stomach, and I think the robber man is dying. He passed out."

Roman paused for a moment. "Where are you? Stay put, Logan and I are coming."

"Oh, uh..." Dorian covered the phone, whispering to Thomas. "Hey, Thomas, where are we?" 

Thomas sighed, standing up, wiping his hands on his jeans, (yet another thing he’d have to wash) and taking the phone from Dorian.

"Hey, Pa, it’s me."

"Oh, Thomas, is what Dorian said true?" Roman asked.

"Uh, yeah... we’re in that weird alleyway down the road from that McDonalds, you know?"

"Oh, I know that one! Stay put, we’re coming to get you."

Thomas sighed in relief. "Okay, thanks."

"Oh, and, Thomas?"

"Yeah?"

Roman’s voice went soft. "You did nothing wrong, okay? You were just protecting your little brother, it’s okay." 

"I... I know, Pa. It just... feels gross... I guess." Thomas said, rubbing his arm in discomfort.

"I know, but don’t worry, we’re coming."

***

Five minutes later, the car pulled up right in front of the alley. Logan stayed inside while Roman hopped out, immediately walking over to his sons.

Dorian hugged him immediately. "Papa, you’re here!" He exclaimed, while Thomas chewed on his lip uncomfortably.

"Yup, I am!" Roman grinned. "Your father’s in the car, wanna go talk to him?"

"Okay!" Dorian agreed, running to the car and pulling the door open. He jumped inside before slamming it shut again.

Roman then turned to Thomas, smiling softly.

"So... are you okay?" He asked gently.

"I... I don’t know..."

"That’s okay, you don’t have to know how you feel right now, we’ll figure that out later. For now, we need to deal with THAT." Roman pointed to the body, and Thomas wrinkled his nose in disgust.

"Okay. So, the plan is: we’ll put it in the trash, and I’ll come back to deal with it as the Prince later." Roman explained. "That work?"

Thomas nodded, and Roman clapped his hands together. "Great, let’s get to work."

About ten minutes later, they were done, and Thomas was wearing Roman’s jacket to hide his blood-stained shirt.

"Oh, hey! You’re back!" Dorian exclaimed when they climbed into the car. "I was just telling Father about our day."

Logan glanced at Thomas in concern. "Are you okay?"  

Thomas nodded, smiling slightly. "Yeah, I’m good." 

 


	26. Chapter Twenty Five

The drive home was much quieter than anyone was expecting. Dorian’s enthusiasm had winded down, and he was now staring out of the window, drawing various shapes with his fingers on the fogged-up glass. Thomas was too overwhelmed to do more than watch as the various buildings passed.

“I could be the Earl.” He mused quietly to himself. “It’s next down on the list Ms. Patterson gave us.”

Roman reached over and ruffled his hair. “You’re gonna need a bit more training before I let you be an Earl, mi pastel estrella.”

Dorian turned away from the mirror and opened his mouth, but Logan gave him a flat look in the rear-view mirror. “No. You cannot become an Earl or anything else until you are older.”

Dorian’s mouth snapped shut and he scowled at his Father’s reflection. Logan seemed fairly untroubled by this, though, and kept driving.

When they finally arrived home, Dorian practically barrelled down the door. He then barrelled right back out again, eyes wide.

“Dads?” He said. “There’s another corpse in the kitchen.”

Thomas, Roman, and Logan’s eyes widened and they raced back into the house after him. There was, in fact, another corpse in the kitchen: clad in black with a ski mask over his head. And there were Emile and Patton, standing at the counter, washing dishes and chatting cheerfully.

“It seems to be the day for people thinking we have a lot of money.” Patton laughed. “He came in with a gun, but he wasn’t prepared for these guns!”

Patton jokingly lifted an arm, flexing his strangely muscular bicep. Roman leapt over the dead body and planted a kiss on the flexed muscle, before caressing his waist and dropping him into a dip.

“Querida, cada día te haces más adorable. Eres como las flores del valle, maravilloso y venenoso y demasiado letales para que nadie las pueda manejar. Ser asesinado por ti es un privilegio por el que moriría.” He pressed a long, deep kiss to Patton’s giggling lips, making the kids fake-retch.

Logan frowned, brow creasing. “As… charming… as that is, can we please not make dead bodies in our kitchen a regular occurrence? It is a lot of trouble to get blood stains out of linoleum, and I do not want to undertake that endeavour yet another time.”

Patton pulled away and gave Logan a smile. “Oh, no problem! There’s no blood, of course. Emile stuck him with a poison dart when he dodged for the kitchen knives.”

Logan and Thomas gave each other wide-eyed looks, but by the time they’d turned back to Patton for more explanation, Roman had recaptured his lips. They turned to Emile, almost scarily in sync. He smiled sheepishly.

“Dad’s been teaching me a few things.” He said, shrugging. “Just some mixing here and there. Which ones cause pain and which ones kill. He saw this as a-uh… learning opportunity, I guess.”

“Any landing the other guy doesn’t walk away from is a good landing!” Patton chirped, finally, and pulling away from Roman.

“I love it when you talk murder.” Roman purred, his hand still curled around Patton’s waist.

Logan cleared his throat. “Regardless of who killed him, can he please be removed from our linoleum.”

“Who are we getting off the linoleum?”  Virgil said, stepping into the kitchen, his eyes widened as he spotted the body on the floor.

“…Roman?” He asked slowly.

“Not mine!” Roman said, hands up like in surrender.

“Patton?”

“Nopers!”

“Then who-”

“I did it!” Emile blurted out. “I’m sorry, I know you and Father don’t really want us doing anything like that for a while, but Dad’s been teaching me, and I did really well!”

Virgil blinked, opening his mouth to respond, when Remy suddenly popped out behind him and ran to wrap Emile in a tight hug.

“I knew we were related!” He exclaimed, grinning happily. “Wonder twins, here to slay ‘em all!”

Emile blushed, returning the hug. “It’s not that big a deal…”

“It is!” Remy insisted, squeezing him tighter. “Together we’ll be the world’s most unbeatable team!”

“Hey!” Roman exclaimed. “What about me?”

Remy pulled away from Emile, though keeping his arm around his twin’s shoulder, considering Roman for a moment. “Our partnership is okay. We’ve got the whole ‘father-son’ thing going for us. But the twin angle is _way_ stronger. We could wear matching outfits and run in zig-zags to thoroughly confuse our victims.”

Emile winced. “But then they’d be looking for twins. Maybe one of us should wear something else to throw them off?”

Remy paused for a moment, humming thoughtfully. “How do you feel about skirts?” “You make a nice Viscount.” Thomas murmured, poking the corpse with his shoe.

“Alright, everyone, slow down.” Logan said.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, taking a deep breath. The kitchen fell silent, letting him process his thoughts and watching the gears churn in his mind. He took another deep breath and opened his eyes slowly.

“I do not know much about sports. In fact, most of my knowledge solely comes from that one canine movie Patton forced me to watch last year.”

“Aire Bud is a classic!”

“Regardless.” Logan said, glaring a little. “One thing I do know about sports is that there is a literal bench full of team members that are in reserve until one of the main players is unable to play, so they must play on instead. If you think of our family as a metaphorical team, then those who actually go out slaughtering are on the metaphorical court. Which means…” He pointed at Emile and Thomas. “You two are on the metaphorical bench with myself, your Pops, and your Dad. We will provide any assistance as needed, but none of us are to go out on our own – though I suppose Patton can if he wishes, as he’s been trained in this – but, other than that, we aren’t to go out on our own. Have I made this clear?” The twins and Thomas nodded slowly. Dorian tugged on Logan’s sleeve with a small pout on his face.

“What bench am I on?” He asked.

“You are in the audience until further notice.” Virgil said, picking Dorian up and poking his nose. “You’re a little too little to be killing people just yet.”

Dorian pouted even more. “But Dad had already killed a bunch of people at my age!”

“I also had different parents.” Patton said, walking over to put a kiss on the spot that Virgil had poked. “My moms had a reason for raising me the way that they did, and we have a reason for raising you the way that we are. You’ll just have to trust us on this one, kiddo.”

Dorian sulked, but nodded slowly.

Roman let out a long breath. “Well, we won’t be able to take this guy outside until much later tonight. Until then…”

“Who’s up for some TV?” Patton suggested. “One Day at a Time has just released a new season!”

Roman and the kids cheered and filed into the living room, Logan following slowly after them. Virgil lingered, looking at the corpse on the floor.

“Isn’t he going to smell, or something”? He asked, and Patton pecked his cheek with a small kiss.

“I can light some candles, if you like, but I helped Emile make a special concoction, one of my much harder ones to track. He won’t start decomposing for a few more hours.”

Virgil blinked. “Pat, I love you, but you scare me sometimes.”

Patton giggled, grabbing Virgil’s hand. “Oh, you flatterer, you. C’mon. Let’s go watch some TV.”

Virgil let himself be dragged into the living room and the two nestled into their husbands, the kids all snuggling up to each other. A thought occurred to Virgil and he groaned loudly.

“We’re all gonna need names and outfits, aren’t we?”


	27. Chapter Twenty Six

“And… checkmate!” Patton exclaimed, smiling widely as he sat back in his chair, Logan staring open-mouthed at the chess board.

“I… I don’t understand. What happened?” Logan said, almost at a loss for words.

Dorian giggled, peeking over Logan’s shoulder. “Dad just beat you at chess! I thought you were unbeatable!”

“I thought so too…” Logan trailed off, leaning back in his chair for a moment, before looking back up at Patton, eyes shining. “We need a rematch.”

Patton smiled. “Well, I’ve gotta go make dinner first, but then we can! I can’t wait to beat you again.” He winked and Logan laughed.

“Okay, okay, we’ll see.” Logan said, pushing his glasses further up his nose and trying not to laugh.

“Aww, are you two flirting?”  Roman cooed, leaning on the table and grinning at the two of them

Logan turned to him, giving a dry look. “We’re married, Roman.”

Just as Roman opened his mouth to continue, most likely to speak up with some kind of flirty remark, the doorbell rang loudly. Dorian (who was sitting in the living room, playing video games) jumped up and yelled.

“I’ll get it!” He exclaimed, immediately sprinting to the front door and throwing it open. After a moment or two, they heard him shout again. “Uncle Hart, you’re here!”

Hearing this, Logan and Roman glanced at each other, before getting up in unison and following their son to the front door. When they got there, they immediately spotting hugging Hart, who had two large bags on the ground by his sides, and a cheery grin on his face.

“Oh, hey, guys!” He exclaimed when he spotted them. “Patton’s been keeping me updated with what’s going on, so I have something for you guys, the whole family! Now, come on, are you gonna invite me inside, or are we just gonna stand here all day?”

***

About ten minutes later the whole family were sitting in the living room, Hart having picked up his bags and placed them on the wooden coffee table.

“So, I heard that all of you have had your first kills now, and that’s amazing. You never forget your first!” He laughed, and Dorian pouted, crossing his arms and leaning back on the sofa.

“I haven’t! They still won’t let me. Uncle Hart, tell my dads to let me help them! Please?” He whined.

Logan sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. “Dorian, stop complaining. You’re too young for anything like this, okay?”

Dorian pouted harder for a few more seconds, before finally mumbling, “Fine…”

There was silence for a few seconds, before Hart clapped his hands together, grinning. “Well, moving on from that! I’ve got something for all of you. Since you’re all gonna be helping out with all the murder and stuff, I thought you’d all need outfits! Patton helped me with the colour schemes, but I made them all myself.”

“Wait… you made us… outfits?” Virgil asked slowly, and Hart nodded cheerfully.

“Yup! Wanna see?”

“Of course!” Patton exclaimed, almost bouncing up and down on the spot.

Hart grinned, complying, and began to pull a bunch of variously-coloured royal outfits out of his bags. He then handed them out to their respective new owners. Dorian was the only one who didn’t get one, for obvious reasons, but, for now, he seemed to be content in also admiring his family’s outfits.

They were all designed similarly to Roman’s and Remy’s, but each had their own individual colour schemes, although all encompassed either the colour gold or silver.

Patton received his first, admiring the light blue, white and gold costume and smoothing out the pristine fabric. It wasn’t quite as extravagant as Roman’s and Remy’s, of course, but the mask was far fancier, with elaborate gold decorations, which made sense, due to the fact that his alias would be the King.

Logan’s was the simplest overall – mostly dark blue with some extra silver decoration – and Virgil’s was quite similar, though his was purple, black and silver, with added brocade on his shoulders. Emile and Remy bonded over the fact that Emile’s outfit was almost identical to Remy’s (which was black and silver), but it was pastel pink and gold. Thomas’s was also pretty similar to theirs, though his was dark pink, brown and gold.

“Wow… Uncle Hart, these are amazing!” Thomas exclaimed, holding his outfit out in front of him and admiring it. 

“Yeah!” Dorian agreed. “Will you make me one too when my dads let me join?”

Hart laughed, playfully ruffling his hair. “Sure thing, buddy. In fact, I already know exactly what it’ll look like.”

Dorian’s eyes lit up excitedly. “Really?”

“Don’t get his hopes up.” Logan said dryly, before turning back to the outfit and smoothing out the collar. “But they are right, these are _very_ well made, how long did it take?”

Hart waved it off. “Oh, not too long, don’t worry! And, besides you’re family, so it’s all free of charge, of course.”  He then grinned, winking. “Plus, I’m sure you’ll be able to repay me with a body or two.”

Roman laughed loudly, his hand on Hart’s shoulder.

“We really appreciate it, Hart, you’re a big help around here. Just let us know whenever you need something, and we’ll be sure to get it for you, okay?”

Hart gave Roman a small but genuine smile, and the family basked in content silence for a few moments, before Hart’s phone suddenly went off in his pocket, and he pulled it out to check his notifications.

“Oh! Brian and I have a new client.” Hart said, before glancing up at the others. “Real estate, not black market.”  He put his phone back into his pocket. “Well, I should go now, I’m glad you guys like the outfits!”

He gave Patton a quick hug, ruffled all the kids’ hair, and gave Logan, Roman and Virgil a cheery smile before exiting the room, and then the house, leaving the family of eight with their new outfits. After a few seconds of silence, Patton spoke up again.

“So… are we gonna try these on, or what?”

***

Roman sat on his bed, facing away from their bathroom door, swinging his legs and humming a Disney tune to himself as he waited for his husbands to come out the bathroom. After another minute or two he heard the door behind him creak open and Patton giggle behind him. Roman immediately spun around, his eyes lighting up when he spotted them.

“Sweet Edward Hyde!” He exclaimed, barely holding back a squeal.

Logan adjusted his mask, likely raising his eyebrows underneath it. “I know you likely meant that as a compliment, but in the original text, Edward Hyde was described as ugly and animalistic, so that exclamation didn’t mean what you thought it meant.”

Roman made an offended noise. “He was quite attractive in the musical, Handsome Jekyll.”

Logan gave him a blank stare, and Roman gave an exaggerated sigh.

“You know, like Henry Jekyll? I just changed Henry to Handsome ‘cos you’re…” Virgil and Logan were giving him dry looks, while Patton just looked confused, so Roman sighed again. “Okay, yeah, that one didn’t work, I accept that, but what I was _trying_ to say was that you guys look amazing! And, look, you two even have your guns with you!”

Logan and Virgil did both have their pistols with their, in the holsters strapped to the belts of their outfits.

“Yeah, Pat thought we should go all out, but they’re not loaded, just in case.” Virgil shrugged, running his hand through his hair.

“And, look, I’ve got a sword!” Patton exclaimed, suddenly unsheathing a silver sword (matching his outfit) and pointing it dramatically at the ceiling.

Roman grinned widely, eyes shining with love, but Logan and Virgil jumped back in unison, eyes wide in shock.

“Uh, Patton, please be careful.” Logan said cautiously, and Patton turned to him with a reassuring smile.

“Aww, don’t worry, Lo, I’ll be fine. I’ve been training with all kinds of weapons since I was a kid, I know what I’m doing.”

Virgil and Logan both looked slightly reassured by that, but they still warily watched the sword from the corners of their eyes.

“Are you gonna start using a sword like me?” Roman exclaimed excitedly, and Patton laughed.

“Aww… sorry, Sweetheart, but poison’s my weapon of choice, though swords are still fun to play with.”

Roman pouted slightly, but then started to grin widely again. “Well, I must say, you all look absolutely dashing in those outfits.”

“Of course we do.” Virgil said, moving closer to Roman and wrapping his arm around his husband’s waist, to the obvious delight of the latter. “Even more dashing than you do in your suit, I’d say.”

Roman’s face dropped into a pout again, and he lightly pushed Virgil away, who started laughing. “Hey, I’m hot, too!”

“Of course you are, Honey, he’s just teasing you.” Patton reassured.

“Yeah, yeah, chill out, Princey, I’m joking.” Virgil said, and Roman glared at him.

Meanwhile, Logan was pulling at the collar of his outfit. “How do you handle wearing this in the summer, Roman? It’s so hot.”

“You’re so hot.” Patton, Roman and Virgil said in unison, before exchanging surprised glances and bursting out laughing.

Logan just gave them all a dry look.  “You’re all insufferable.”

“Aww, but you love us anyway.” Patton cooed, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek.

“…I suppose.”  Logan grumbled, and the four husbands all soon ended up in a cuddle pile on the bed, limbs all tangled up together.

After a few minutes of snuggling up in mostly-silence, Virgil spoke up again.

“You know, this is definitely not how I imagined my life turning out. Three husbands, four kids… and least of all that we’d all become some kind of… weird murder family.” He said, and Logan hummed in agreement.

“I had always thought I’d be a cop forever, and I suppose this is the exact opposite of that.” He said, pausing for a second before frowning. “I’ve become the type of person I’d have locked away with no remorse only a few months ago… and I’m not really sure how I feel about that.”

There was silence for a few more moments before Patton shuffled around until he was face-to-face with Logan.

“But are you happy?” He asked softly, and Logan blinked a few times in surprise.

“What?”

“Are you _happy?”_

“I… well, yes. I suppose I am.” Logan conceded, his hand wrapping around Patton’s waist and pulling him slightly closer.

“That’s all that matters then. As long as we’re happy, as long as we’re safe, as long as we’re a family, then everything will be okay. And if you’re ever not happy, you can talk to us, okay? I know this is an… interesting situation, but we’ll figure this out. Together.”

Logan stared at him for a few more moments before smiling slightly and pressing a soft kiss to Patton’s nose. “I love you. I love all of you.”

“I love you too.” Patton said, and Roman and Virgil both also responded similarly, curled up together on the other side of the bed, Virgil’s head tucked under Roman’s chin.

The comfortable silence continued for another few minutes, until Virgil eventually spoke up again.

“We should probably get changed.”


	28. Chapter Twenty Seven

“Aww… why can’t I come?” Remy whined loudly, crossing his arms.

Roman helped Thomas into the last piece of his armour, and turned back to Remy with a raised eyebrow.

“Because I need to train Thomas and Emile, and you need to stay home and babysit your little brother.” He said, handing Emile a pair of gloves. “You can come along next time.”

Remy let out a loud groan and fell back onto the couch with Dorian. The smaller brother patted his cheek gently a few times, before sitting up.

“But I can come!” He said excitedly, almost bouncing on the spot. “You can train me, too!”

As he said that, Logan walked in, readjusting his three-piece suit for what was likely the third or fourth time. He was always the perfectionist, especially on date nights – ones with all his husbands, in particular, though this one was with just two of them, so that was close enough.

“You’re too young, we’ve told you this already, Dorian.” Logan said, fiddling with his cufflinks. “We’ll discuss letting you join when you’re older, but, for now, you’re going to stay home.”

Dorian mimicked Remy’s groan and fell backwards, landing on top of his brother with a grunt. Logan snorted.

“Remy, there’s leftovers from last night in the fridge.” He instructed smoothly. “Microwave them in a few hours for the two of you to eat, and make sure the you both go to bed on time.”

He knew the last instruction was likely to be ignored, but didn’t see why he shouldn’t say it anyway.

Remy let out another sigh, this one even longer and louder than the last. After he successfully and dramatically emptied his lungs – he really was a lot like Roman – he gave his father a sarcastic nod, almost rolling his eyes, and shoved Dorian off his stomach.

“Good.” Logan turned to Roman. “Are the three of you properly prepared for tonight?”

“Yup!” Roman chirped, grinning. “We’re gonna leave in just a few minutes. Our target’s name is Jack Gelatin – and, yes, that is his real name – he owns this charity for poor hospitalised kids, but steals most of the money for himself, what a bastard. His house is a few hours away, so we’ll be out for a while.”

Logan nodded, before turning to Thomas and Emile. “So, what weapons did you two decide on?”

“Oh, I chose poison darts. Look, they’re hiding in my sash!” Emile’s eyes lit up as he lifted his sash, showing off what was really a typical ammunition belt that had been adjusted to fit several small colourful syringes. “I’ve got a crossbow, too, to shoot them with.”

Logan nodded in approval. “We will have to see about getting you an even smaller version, one that is easier to conceal and give you a larger element of surprise.”

“We could use you as bait, then just when they think they’re safe you whip it out and- BAM! They’re dead!” Remy suggested, sitting up and grinning.

“We are not using your brother as bait.” Virgil said scoldingly, coming down the stairs.

Remy blew a raspberry – which Dorian badly imitated – as he fell back against the cushions again.

“You guys are no fun.”

“We are not using me as bait, Remy.” Emile said, wrinkling his nose at the thought.

Remy let out another groan and Logan shook his head. After another moment, he turned to Thomas expectantly, and Thomas proudly presented a large tommy gun, his eyes shining,

Logan frowned immediately, brow creasing. “No.”

“Aw, come on! Why not?” Thomas whined, lowering the gun and pouting.

“Well, to start with,” Logan said, crossing his arms, “It is not a very subtle weapon. It is loud and cumbersome to work with, not to mention difficult to conceal.”

“But Faaatheeeer! It’s a _pun_!” Thomas protested. “It’s Tommy with a tommy gun! How much better could it be?”

“Which is another mark against it, if I were the judge.” Logan sniffed in disapproval, though he knew that Patton would be proud.  “However, regardless of all my other points, it is too distinctive a weapon for what you plan to do with it.”

“He’s probably right, kiddo, unfortunately. Here, take this instead.”

Patton took the gun from Thomas and handed him a glock instead. Thomas accepted it with a pout.

After showing him how to strap the gun in, Roman gave each of his husbands a soft kiss on the cheek.

“You three have fun tonight, okay? Just not too much. I want to be involved in that.” He winked at that last part and the kids all retched.

“Papa, c’mon. Really? In the living room?” Thomas whined, practically stomping his foot.

“Anywhere your fathers exist is a place I can flirt with them.” Roman decreed, grinning victoriously as he placed another kiss on a giggling Patton’s cheek.

“Gross.” Remy complained.

“You guys are icky.” Dorian agreed, crossing his arms.

“At the risk of sounding like a cliché,” Virgil said, glancing back at them. “I hope I’m able to do this to you guys if you get married.”

“Bold of you to assume anyone will tie me down.” Remy laughed.

Virgil’s face paled. “…Okay that’s… that’s actually worse-”

“ _And on that note_ ,” Patton said with a forced smile. “You guys have fun tonight too.”

Roman grinned widely. “Oh, we will!”

***

“You lied about this being fun.” Thomas said, wrinkling his nose.

“Oh, shush!” Roman rolled his eyes. “This is just the most boring part!”

Emile looked down at the empty alley, then back at Roman.

“You got that right.” He said.  

Roman let out a sigh that rivalled one of Remy’s from earlier. “I can’t take you two anywhere, can I? My children, never satisfied with the little moments of killing people! I swear, if I didn’t have two more of you-”

 “Papa, shhh!” Emile suddenly whispered.

“I WILL NOT SHHH!”

“No, Pa, E-” Thomas winced at the near mistake. “The Viscount is right. Someone’s down there.”

“Oh. So, there is.” Roman dropped his own voice into a whisper and gave them a small apologetic smile. “Now, watch closely, you two.”

Roman dropped to the ground, exaggerating his tuck and roll so that his movements were easy to see and follow. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw their victim of the night jump, eyes widening as their hand flew to their mouth with a yelp.

“Wh- who? What?”

“Just a moment, sir.” Roman said, voice deepened to increase intimidation. He directed his attention back up to the roof. “Now, I need you two to replicate my movements as much as you can, alright? Don’t worry, I’ll be here to catch you if it seems to be going south, you’ll be fine. Viscount, be careful not to poke yourself.”

“Oh, f-” The victim began, but Roman shut him up with a sharp glare.

“I said just a moment, sir.”

Emile dropped down first, the action a little choppier than would be ideal, but altogether a safe landing. Thomas followed soon after, much sloppier and Roman winced as he watched his ankle roll incorrectly.

Thomas yelped and Emile jogged over to him worriedly.

“You alright, Earl?” He asked.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be okay.” Thomas assured him.

Roman nodded and turned to Jack, suddenly grinning. “So! You, good sir, have the fortuitous happenstance of being the debut for my new protégées!”

“That’s a lot of big words, Princey.” Thomas said.

Roman sighed dramatically. “Ugh, okay, fine! We’ll do it the boring way. Just, as a future note, add a lot of flair in the beginning.”

“Noted.” Thomas and Emile said in unison, nodding.

Roman nodded once before wordlessly slicing at both of Jack’s legs, cutting right through the flesh and muscle. He screamed in pain and fell backwards against a wall, his head making an almost sickening crack against the bricks. His screaming continued as he slid downward, but none of him acknowledged him. It was lucky it was so late, and in such an abandoned area, or they might have been caught.

“So, that’s how you incapacitate someone.” Roman instructed, placing his free hand on his hip. “Obviously, you could shoot them in the legs as well. I just prefer my sword.”

“We can tell.” Thomas deadpanned.

Roman squinted at him. “You’ve been talking to the Knight too much.” He said, before continuing. “But, at any rate, depending on the victims’ crime and what Heart asked for, you’ll have to adjust where and how the kill is performed.”

“V-Victim? Crime? _What did I do?”_ Jack Gelatin asked frantically, voice croaky from his screaming, eyes wide in desperation.

“Hush now, not the time.” Roman told him shortly, before turning back to his sons.

Emile raised his hand and Roman nodded at him.

“I thought we were supposed to tell him?” He asked.

“Well, yes, but I want you both to have a go at it here in a moment, it’ll be good practice and an easy kill.” Roman explained. “Any other questions for now?”

Thomas raised his hand and Roman sighed. “You do not have to raise your hands but continue.”

“Didn’t Heart ask for his shins?”

Roman blinked a few times.

“…Not important.” He gave them a big, cheesy grin. “Right now, the two of you are learning! And that’s what _really_ matters.”

Emile and Thomas exchanged a quick glance, which Roman ignored. He grabbed Jack by the back of his shirt and dragged him across the ground until he was propped against the wall farther down the alleyway.

“Okay, Viscount,” Roman said. “You have a more varied arsenal, so I want you to re-enter, and stick him with something non-lethal. And take extra care to be dramatic!”

“…Do I have to go on the roof again?” Emile asked.

“No, no. Just go back a little and then come back.”

Roman pointed at a spot a little way from where they were standing. Emile nodded and slowly stepped over to the spot Roman was pointing at before turning around sharply and walking back with an overexaggerated swagger, eyebrows furrowed in an attempt at intimidation. He raised his arm in the air, crossbow clutched in his hand, before slowly lowering it and aiming it at Gelatin. The groove was now loaded with a syringe, which was in turn filled with a thick, yellow fluid.

 “Jack…” Emile paused, glancing up again. “Prince, what’s his last name, again?”

“Gelatin.”

“Really?” He raised his eyebrows slightly. “No kidding. Alright let’s try this again.” Emile cleared his throat. “Jack Gelatin, for your crimes of horrible nineteen fifties fish jello and also charity fraud, the Court has found you guilty and hereby sentence you to death. Any final words?”

“I- I don’t- You can’t do this!” Jack Gelatin cried.

“I think you’ll find I can, actually.”

Emile fired, the dart hitting the victim’s arm, and Jack let out another scream. He turned to Roman with a bright grin.

“How was that?”

Roman beamed back. “Pretty good! It felt a little severe.”

“I was going for a final judgment feel.” Emile nodded slowly. “Trying to channel a villain from Courage the Cowardly Dog, you know?”

Roman nodded back in understanding. “Nice. I might ease up on it a little, just because it sounds a little stiff. And we can work on walking at home.”

Thomas leant closer and poked Jack, who’s screaming had stopped. The man let out a whimper. Thomas raised an eyebrow and turned to Emile.

“What does that thing do?” He asked.

“Oh! Da- er- the King helped me make that one, but I came up with the idea!” Emile grinned proudly. “It basically targets all his nerves right at the source and cancels out everything but the pain receptors and the uhhh… I forget the name but the feeling-things part. It dials both of those up to eleven so that pretty much everything he touches hurts, when he’s already in pain.” 

Thomas let out a low whistle. “Oh daaang. That’s kinda savage, Vis, I like it.”

Emile’s smile grew wider and Roman reached over to ruffle his hair affectionately.

“Well done! It will certainly make the Earl’s job easier.”

He nodded at Thomas who walked further down the ally before turning and walking back even more dramatically than Emile had. He pointed his glock at Jack and gave him what Roman thought was a very good impression of a cowboy’s judgmental squint.

“Mr. Gelatin.” Thomas said sternly. “If you aren’t already aware, you’re guilty of several instances of tax fraud-”

“Charity fraud.” Emile interrupted.

“What?”

“He committed charity fraud.” Roman explained. “But no matter, just continue from where you were.”                                                                             

“Okay. _Charity_ fraud.” Thomas corrected quickly. “Now, I don’t know if you’re familiar, sir, but the Prince and his fellows don’t take too kindly to people hurting those they should be helping.”

“You sound a bit country.” Roman commented.

“Yeah, I was trying something. It didn’t work.”

Roman shrugged. “That happens. Go ahead and shoot him, then. Just in the shoulder, though.”

Thomas nodded and shot him, a little lower than Roman had instructed, but nothing that couldn’t be rectified. Jack screamed again, his voice cracking and breaking like static.

Roman clapped. “Okay, so I have a few notes for the both of you. Viscount, you need to loosen up a little. Have some fun with it! Make them quake in fear or feel at ease on your whims. I want you to explore who the Viscount is beyond just your civilian identity. If he ends up being a judgemental tormentor, alright, but let’s not settle on that just yet. Earl? You have the opposite issue. You sound too much like yourself and it feels more like you’re asking them to tea. You’re condemning a man to death, for crying out loud! Let me hear you shake their _souls_!”

They both nodded and Roman smiled at them.

“Good boys. Alright. Go at it again. We’ll give stop once he bleeds out, and then you can write your sigils on the wall behind him!” He said. “And, afterwards, we can go get ice cream.”

 


	29. Chapter Twenty Eight

“What time is it? How long ‘till Toby gets here?” Dorian asked excitedly, bouncing up and down on the spot.

Patton laughed. “It’s 4:28, three minutes after the last time you asked, and it’s a few minutes until Toby gets here. You’d think Toby was _your_ friend by how excited you are for him to get here.”

Dorian stopped bouncing and gave him a deadly serious look. “He is my friend.”

Patton blinked a few times in surprise, before chuckling again and ruffling his hair. “Yes, of course, I’m sorry. What I meant to say was that Toby is Remy’s best friend, and Emile’s… crush… so it’s funny that you’re even more excited than they are.”

Just as he said this, Emile entered the kitchen, anxiously adjusting his pastel blue tie for what was likely at least the twenty-seventh time.

“Do I look good? Do I look okay?” Emile fretted worriedly, fiddling with his collar and running his hand through his hair.

“You look great!” Dorian exclaimed. “Toby’s gonna love you, and then you’ll get together, and then you’ll get married, and Toby can be my friend and see how cool I am!”

“Dorian, I’m serious!”

Patton moved to put his hand on Emile’s shoulder. “You look fine, kiddo. Plus, Toby’s just coming over for a simple sleepover, he’s not gonna be too bothered about what you look like.”

“I still want to look good, though! I-” Emile started, but he jumped as the doorbell ringing interrupted him.

“I’ll get it!” Dorian shouted loudly, before running off and throwing the door open.

On the other side of the front door stood Toby, in black jeans and dark flannel, a backpack over his left shoulder, and running his hand through his hair.

“Oh, hey, Dorian.” He said. “What’s up?”

“Toby, you’re here!” Dorian exclaimed, grabbing Toby’s wrist and dragging him inside and into the sitting room. “Emile’s in the kitchen and Remy’s somewhere else, but you’d rather hang out with me, right?”

Toby laughed. “I would, but your brothers and I have a school project we need to work on.”

Dorian pouted exaggeratedly. “Okay… _fine_. I’ll go get them.” He pushed Toby onto the sofa and turning towards the kitchen. “Emile, your boyfriend’s here!” He yelled, ignoring Toby’s flustered reaction, and then dashing towards the stairs.

Emile rushed into the room, stopping in his tracks and squeaking as he and Toby immediately made eye contact, both of their faces flushing red.

“I… uh…” Toby trailed off, eyes wide.

“I’m sorry! Dorian’s just joking… obviously…” Emile exclaimed, stumbling over his words.

Toby laughed awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair. “That’s fine."

They stayed in those positions, shuffling uncomfortable for about ten more seconds, until the silence was suddenly interrupted by a loud slurping sound from the other side of the room. Toby and Emile both spun around to face the noise and immediately spotted Remy, leaning against the wall, his sunglasses covering his eyes, and sipping from a mug of what was probably insanely sugary coffee.

“Sup.” He said, after a few more moments of awkward silence. “Should we get started on our project?”

***

A few hours later, the trio were in the twins’ room, and had just finished their science project: a mostly-accurate model of the solar system – including Pluto, because Pluto’s a planet no matter what anyone says.

Remy stepped back, clapping his hands together. “Well, I’m glad that’s done.”

Toby leant back on Remy’s bed, peeling dried glue off of his hands. “Yeah. We’d better get an A, this took like three hours.”

Just as he said that, the bedroom door opened and Patton stepped in, his eyes lighting up when he spotted the completed project on the desk.

“Ooh! Is it done? That looks amazing!”

“Thanks!” Emile smiled. “It’s due on Wednesday, so Rem and I will bring it in then.”

“Nice!” Patton said, adjusting his glasses. “I just came upstairs to ask you guys if you wanted to join us downstairs, we’re about to watch a movie. There’s gonna be popcorn!”

“What movie?”

“Oh, uh, I don’t know the name, but it’s about a serial killer, I think.” Patton shrugged, and Emile raised his eyebrows. “Roman picked it.”

“Sounds cool.” Toby said, and Remy agreed with a nod.

“Yeah, we’ll join you.”

Emile sighed. “Okay, I guess this is what we’re doing now.”

***

When they got downstairs, they sat down on one of the sofas, Remy between Emile and Toby, whilst Logan, Virgil and Thomas sat on the other one, Roman setting up the movie, and Patton making popcorn.

All of a sudden, Dorian jumped up over the side of the couch, landing just beside Toby, and making the older boy jump.

“So,” Dorian said casually. “Murder. Thoughts?”

Toby blinked a few times in surprise, while the rest of the family turned and gave Dorian incredulous looks.

“It’s, um... illegal?” Toby answered, but it sounded more like a question than anything else.

“Well, duh. But just because something’s _illegal_ doesn’t mean it’s _bad._ ” Dorian said, and Roman jumped up immediately, laughing awkwardly as he went to put his hands on his youngest son’s shoulders.

“Ignore him, Toby, he’s just kidding.”

“No, I’m not!” Dorian exclaimed, ignoring the warning looks his dads were giving him. “Toby, what do you think of the Prince? And his friends?”

Roman was about to interject again, when Toby gave a short awkward laugh, running his fingers through his hair.

“Well, uh, I think I’m a bit biased there...” Toby said, trailing off at the end.

He paused for a few seconds before glancing up again, as everyone else were just staring at him in confused silence.

“The Prince saved my cousin a couple years ago, so I guess I’m kinda biased because if he hadn’t been there... it wouldn’t have been good. I’m grateful to him for that, even though I know he’s done a lot of really bad things.” Toby said.

The silence continued for a few more moments, before Roman put his hand on his shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile. “It’s okay, Toby, not everything’s black and white.”

Toby gave him a small smile, and was about to say something else when Patton walked in, holding two large bowls of popcorn in his arms.

“Who wants popcorn?”

***

It was nearing midnight, and most of the Sanders family had gone to bed. However, unsurprisingly, Remy, Emile and Toby were still up, sitting in a circle on the floor of the twins’ room and whispering amongst themselves.

“Hey, I’m getting kinda hungry.” Remy suddenly exclaimed, jumping up and stretching, the wings of his black bat onesie flapping with the movement. “Do you guys want snacks? I’m gonna go downstairs and grab some snacks.”

“Uh… sure?” Toby said flipping down the hood of his skeleton onesie and exchanging a quick glance with Emile. “I could eat.”

“Just don’t get caught.” Emile added, rubbing a little at his Unikitty onesie and giving Remy a short, stern look. “You know Father doesn’t like it when we take food this late.”

Remy waved him off, rolling his eyes. “Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine. You two wait here, I’ll be back in a minute.”

And, with that, he left, shutting the bedroom door behind him, and leaving Emile and Toby alone together. They were silent for another second or two, before glancing back at each other, blushing slightly.

“So, uh…” Emile trailed off awkwardly, running his fingers through his hair. “How… are you doing?”

“Good… uh, I’m good.”

“Good.”

There were another few awkward moments of silence after that, both of them wishing that Remy was back with them, but also enjoying spending time alone together.

“Are you, um… doing anything next weekend?” Toby asked eventually, giving Emile another awkward glance.

“Um, I don’t think so.” Emile answered. They were thinking of possibly planning another murder for Saturday night, but he couldn’t exactly tell Toby that. “What… what about you?”

“Same.”

Toby looked like he wanted to continue, to possibly ask something else, too, but he didn’t, instead looking down at his lap and fiddling with his hands. Emile’s heart thumped loudly in his chest. He was free next weekend. Toby was also free next weekend.

“Well, do you- uh… do you maybe want to-”

Remy suddenly kicked the door open, arms filled with bottles of soda, bags of chips and a chocolate bar that Roman had been hiding from Patton for the past week or so.

“Hey, guys, what’s up?”

Emile and Toby jumped apart – they’d been subconsciously getting closer and closer during the course of the past few minutes – and Remy dumped the snacks between them.

“I hope you two didn’t have too much fun without me.” He grinned, not-so-subtly winking at both of them.

Emile gave him a tight grin. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”


	30. Chapter Twenty Nine

“Every little thing, babaBAba, every little thing, babaBAba, every little thing you do, I do adore!”

Roman twirled Patton around the kitchen, the song he was singing along to slowly coming to an end until the final note hung in the air, floating about with the dust specks in the golden sunlight as Roman held Patton close. His husband grinned and tugged him into a sugar sweet kiss.

“Can you guys not?” Remy asked from the table. “We’re brainstorming here!”

“I don’t see what there is _to_ brainstorm.” Thomas said, practically pouting as he crossed his arms. “I came up with all the names, they match the theme. What else is there?”  

“Do we _really_ want Pops waltzing around and calling himself ‘the Overlord?’ Is that really power we want to give him?” Remy deadpanned, leaning back in his chair.

Thomas shrugged lightly. “I mean, he seemed happy with it?”

“Okay, fair.” Remy said, rolling his eyes. “But who in their right mind is going to be scared by a name like ‘the Earl?’ You sound like a discount dad from a Suburban Mart Expo.”

Thomas squinted at him. “I feel vaguely insulted but I’m not totally sure what that means.”

Remy groaned and ran a hand down his face.

“What I _mean_ is: we’re big, tough serial killers. Names like the Earl and the Viscount or whatever don’t exactly inspire fear.”

“Well I like them!” Emile said cheerfully, which was unsurprising since he’d chosen the ‘Viscount’ alias for himself.

“Me too! I think they’re neat!” Patton agreed, he and Roman coming to join the kids at the table.

“Of course, you do, you got a cool name – you’re the King, and Father’s is also decent, I guess, he’s the Duke.” Remy rolled his eyes. “But, _okay_. What about something like ‘the Baron,’ Thomas? That’s at least a little bit scary.”

“No!” Dorian yelped, slamming his hands on the table. “He can’t be the Baron. That’s what Papa calls _me_! That’s my name.”

“Dorian you can’t even join yet!” Remy scoffed, crossing his arms.

Dorian frowned at him. “That doesn’t mean it’s not my name!”

“You can’t use a nickname you have for your alias!”

“Says who?”

“ _Literally everyone!”_ Remy exclaimed. _“_ Our whole job here is to _not_ be caught! Doing that is just painting a big red arrow to who you are in real life. _Not to mention_ you’re too little to start killing yet!”

Dorian sniffled a little, large tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He launched himself into Emile’s side, burying his face in his older brother’s cardigan and sniffling some more. Emile wrapped an arm around Dorian and gave Remy a stern look. A look which was copied by Thomas and both present fathers. Remy sighed.

“I’m sorry, Dee.” He said, slightly reluctantly. “I didn’t mean to snap at you.”

Dorian peeked out. “Did you mean it? About me being too little?”

Remy winced. “Well… you _are…_ ”

Dorian re-buried himself in Emile’s side with a small whine.

“Ugh, no. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings, Dor. I just meant that the dads won’t let you join yet and I got frustrated. I’m sorry.” Remy said.

Dorian poked his head all the way out. “Promise?”

“Promise.” Remy nodded firmly, putting his hand on Dorian’s shoulder.

Dorian moved from Emile to Remy, the elder wrapping him in a one-armed hug. Patton cooed at them softly.

“I love when we don’t have to step in and solve things like that for them, however rarely it happens.” He whispered to Roman.

“Same.” Roman chuckled. “Though you do it with such grace.”

Patton giggled. “Oh, you.”

The kids shared a small eye roll, Remy mock-gagging at the affection. Dorian detached from his brother and nestled back into his seat.

“So,” Remy said with a sigh. “I guess these are the names everyone’s definitely, absolutely going for?”

“Yeah, I think we’re attached to them.” Emile said.

“Jee-ma-nettie…” Remy whispered. “Okay, _fine_. But you guys still need emblems and stuff. You know, proper ones.”

“Isn’t Papa’s just a doodle of a crown?” Thomas asked, slightly incredulously.

Roman frowned in mock offense. “Hey!”

“Well, if ever there was a time to improve, it’d be now.” Remy said, glancing around at his family. “So, what’re we thinking, babes?”

“Can mine be a smiley face?” Emile asked, beaming.

Remy slammed his head into the table and started groaning loudly against it.

“I am ten seconds away from giving up.” He groaned. “ _No_ , Emile, your scary serial killer emblem, which you will carve onto the bodies of your victims in order to instill fear in the living, _cannot be a fucking smiley face!”_

“Remy! Language.” Patton scolded harshly.

“Well not with that attitude it can’t.” Emile said, his grin never fading.

Remy groaned again and looked over at Roman. “Pa, can you please talk some sense into them? It doesn’t even fit the theme!”

Roman sighed lightly. “Remy’s right, mi amante de los dibujos animados. A smiley face is not gonna work.”

Emile’s face fell, just before a wicked grin spread over Roman’s.

“An angry face would be far more intimidating.”

Emile brightened and Remy gave Roman the most betrayed look he was capable of.

“No!” He exclaimed loudly. “That’s not a- that isn’t intimidating at all! That’s almost worse than a smiley face!”

“Are you _seriously_ trying to say that the general populace wouldn’t be intimidated by the fact that someone takes the time to carve out an angry face on the body of someone they murdered?”  Thomas asked. “Is that the hill you’re going to die on? Really?”

Remy pouted. “Well what’s your great idea, señor lado brillante?”

“Well, I was gonna do some kinda…” Thomas trailed off.

“Mhmmmm?” Remy prompted.

“Well it’s just…”

“Yeaaaaah?”

He paused for a moment before sighing. “Okay, I haven’t actually gotten that far yet.” Thomas admitted reluctantly.

“Ha! Victory is mine!” Remy cheered.

Roman furrowed his eyebrows. “What have you won?”

_“YES!”_

“Anygay…” Thomas said slowly. “I just can’t think of anything that fits the theme properly that’s… within my skill set.”

“You could do a heart!” Dorian suggested. “Carve a heart over a heart!”

Remy took a very deep breath and looked at the wall. He looked, for all the world, like someone from The Office looking into the camera.

“I dunno if that really works, bud…” Thomas said.

“Why not?” Dorian asked. “It shows that you’ve got the world’s second biggest heart! Right after Daddy!”

Thomas practically teared up at that and gave the others a helpless look.

“Okay, I legally cannot shoot that down. It’s too adorable.” Remy said, throwing up his hands. “Curse you, Dorian.”

“Illegally he also cannot.” Patton confirmed. “It’s against the rules.”

Patton and Thomas pulled Dorian into a big hug between them. His cheeks squished and he looked a little cramped, but he didn’t complain so everyone let them be.

“Well that’s that settled, I guess.” Remy said. “I’ll stick with my new chess piece doodle, then. Papa can keep his little crown scribble-”

“HEY!”

“-Father mentioned he wanted to use the chemical formula for blood,” Remy continued, ignoring Roman’s protests. “Because he’s a nerd. Pops wants to just draw a knife emoji, which is whatever. I can respect that. Dad? What do you want your emblem to be?”

Patton bit his lip, and gave his son a sheepish smile. “Would it frustrate you too much if I said a cat face?”

Remy got up from the table and started for the stairs. _“That’s it!_ I am done here! I am done with all of you!”

Patton laughed. “No, wait! Remy come back!”

“Nay!”

Roman stifled his giggles and shook his head a little. The rest of them may never participate in Remy’s need for things to be scary, but at least they were all in this non-scary boat together. He felt a small tug on his sleeve and turned, coming face to face with a full-force Dorian Hatchling Eyes.

Roman gulped. “What is it, mi pequeña serpiente?”

“I know Pops and Father said I can’t join,” Dorian said, a tad bit gloomier than what was perhaps necessary. “But can you at least help me practice? Pretty, pretty please, Papa? With cherry Crofter’s on top?”

A tiny piece of Roman’s heart melted off. “Oh… I don’t know little Baron…”

Dorian’s eyes somehow got bigger than humanly possible. “But, Papa! Everyone else knows how to throw knives, shoot guns and poison people! Why can’t I learn, too? Please?”

Roman bit his lip and looked over at Patton helplessly. He must have looked pretty convincing because his husband scooped Dorian into his lap and gave him a stern look.

“Now, now, mister.” He said, slightly scolding. “That’s not the way to get things you ask for.”

Dorian sulked. “But that’s what Remy does.”

Patton paused for a moment. “And we’ll talk to him about that. But that’s not how you’re supposed to do things. Now, can you ask Papa nicely? And be okay if you don’t like the answer?”

Dorian made a face before blowing a small raspberry. “Okay…”

“Atta boy.” Patton smiled and poked Dorian’s tummy just enough to get a small giggle.

Dorian turned back to Roman. “Papa? Can you train me, please?”

Roman thought it over for another few seconds. There would certainly be some benefits to starting Dorian’s training now. They wouldn’t necessarily be putting him out in the field or even hunting animals yet, if Logan and Virgil didn’t like it. But if they started now, then he’d be better off later, more prepared. Oh, his husbands definitely weren’t going to like this. Hopefully they’d understand, they knew how weak he was to Puppy Eyes and variants thereof.

“I’ll talk to your fathers, little Baron.” Roman said. “But if they say no, you have to accept that.”

Dorian beamed and threw his arms around Roman’s shoulders. “Thank you, Papa! Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

“Of course, mi pequeño barón.” Roman laughed.

He was going to be in so much trouble.

 


	31. Chapter Thirty

“Use both your hands, Dorian, it will improve your aim.” Logan instructed, watching as his youngest son pouted slightly, before doing as he was told, holding the gun properly as he aimed at the makeshift target that hung from the branches of a large oak tree.

The Sanders family, including Hart and Brian, had found themselves deep in the nearby woods, far from civilisation, somewhere no one would hear them train Dorian.

“Good.” Logan nodded approvingly. “Now, shoot.”

Dorian pulled the trigger, causing a loud bang as a bullet hit the outer ring of the target. His eyes lit up and he turned to his family with a grin.

“I hit it, I hit the target!”

“That you did.” Roman grinned proudly. “You may make a good little Baron after all.”

Dorian’s smile widened and he practically bounced up and down on the spot. “Really?”

“Yup!” Roman put his hand on Dorian’s shoulder. “I guess this really does run in the family.”

Logan walked back to Virgil. “God, I can’t believe this is our life now.” He mumbled in his husband’s ear, and Virgil let out a short laugh, rolling his eyes as he took Logan’s hand and squeezed it.

“Yeah.” Virgil agreed. “But, honestly, I can’t say I’m complaining.”

Logan sighed, running his free hand through his hair. “Neither can I, which is the crazy part.”

“You sure you wanna use a gun, D?” Remy piped up, jumping up from where he’d been sat between his brothers on a log. “You could use daggers, like me, or a sword, like Pa. They’re much more fun.”

Virgil shot Remy a stern look. “Don’t start with that.” He warned. “We’re keeping Dorian with a more long-distance weapon until he’s older. That’s the safest.”

Remy pouted, sitting back down, and Emile patted his shoulder.

“This is so much fun!” Dorian exclaimed, reluctantly handing the gun back to Patton. “When do I get to finally kill someone? I wanna take out a… a bank robber! Or some supervillain!”

“Don’t get too ahead of yourself, kiddo.” Patton laughed, ruffling his hair with his free hand. “You’re still only small, you won’t be doing anything like that ‘till you’re older.” Dorian pouted at that. “But,” Patton continued. “We do have something for you.” He glanced at Hart, who was leaning against a tree with Brian, a bag at his feet.

Dorian’s eyes lit up again. “What? What is it?” He bounced up and down on the spot, turning to look at Hart. “Uncle Hart, Uncle Hart! What’s in the bag?”

Hart laughed, bending down and unzipping the backpack, sifting through its contents. “Well, you can’t really be a part of the Royal Court without your own costume, of course.” He pulled out an outfit similar to Roman’s prince costume, like the rest of his family’s, but it was green, yellow, silver and Dorian-sized.

Dorian gasped loudly, running up to Hart and grabbing the outfit, looking it over with a wide toothy grin. “Is this for me?”

“Yup, it’s all yours.” Hart ruffled Dorian’s hair with a grin, before pulling out a matching mask. “And so is this.”

“You already made them?” Logan asked incredulously, eyebrows raised. “We haven’t actually let him join yet.”

“Oh, you will, when he’s older.” Hart smiled. “And, besides, I work quickly.”

“They’re amazing!” Dorian practically squealed, pulling the costume and mask to his chest. “I love them!”

“Well, hopefully you’ll put them to good use, then.” Brian smiled, patting his shoulder

“I will! I will! I will!” He cheered. “I’ll- I’ll do whatever you want, I’ll kill whoever you ask me too and get whatever you want!”

Hart laughed. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, kiddo, we haven’t even finished your training yet, and you still can’t do anything ‘till you’re bigger.”

Dorian pouted a little at that. “How come I’ve gotta wait and train? Em and Thomas were able to join straight away!”

“’Cos you’re still little, Dorian.” Virgil crossed his arms. “We’ll let you join when you’re older, but, for now, you have to train.”

Logan stepped forward. “Come on, Dorian, let’s get back to work. The sooner we perfect your aim, the sooner we may actually let you join the Royal Court.”

Dorian beamed again at that, and he and Logan went back to shooting the target that hung from the tree branches. Meanwhile, Roman had made his way back over to Virgil, wrapping his arm around his husband’s waist and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

“I can’t believe you roped us all into your royal theatrics.” Virgil mumbled under his breath, rolling his eyes as he subconsciously leaned against Roman. “We’ve all got our own aliases and costumes and all that. It’s a bit ridiculous, don’t you think?” He teased, glancing up at Roman, who just chuckled lightly.

“I thought you, of all people, would appreciate how important it is to maintain an aesthetic.” Roman countered. “And, besides, you chose the name ‘Overlord’ and that doesn’t exactly fit the theme, does it?”

Virgil scoffed. “It’s close enough.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Roman rolled his eyes, before pressing a kiss to Virgil’s lips.

Thomas, Remy and Emile all fake-gagged loudly at that, which was accompanied by Dorian’s loud giggles.

“Ugh, get a room.” Remy said, pulling a face, though they all knew he was mostly joking.

Roman gave Virgil another chaste kiss, before turning back to his sons with a teasing grin. “My apologies, little Mr No-Fun, I assure you it’ll never happen again.”

He punctuated that statement by suddenly dipping Virgil and kissing him dramatically. The kids all pretended to throw up at that, though Patton laughed happily and Logan scoffed (but with a hint of fondness in his expression).

“I agree with the kids.” Brian added dryly. “Get a room, you two.”

“Aww, lighten up a little, Babe.” Hart laughed, taking his husband’s hand and squeezing it. “Let them have their fun.”

Brian rolled his eyes, quickly kissing Hart’s cheek in response.

“No! The horror!” Remy exclaimed dramatically, throwing himself onto Thomas’s lap. “Not you guys, too! I thought we were safe.”

Thomas held back a laugh at that. “We all know you’re gonna be much worse when you finally settle down, Rem.” He and Emile exchanged a mischievous glance.

“Yeah,” Emile added with a teasing grin. “We already have to deal with you making out with a different guy or girl every week at school, it’s gonna be _horrible_ having to deal with that at home, too.”

Remy gasped in mock-offense. “How dare you assume I’m ever gonna settle down.”

The three brothers started laughing after that, and Roman gave them an amused glance.

“What’s this I hear about you being a player, Remy?”

Virgil rolled his eyes at that. “God, he really is a mini-you, isn’t he, Roman?” He nudged his husband’s ribs with his elbow.

Roman gasped loudly at that, hand over his heart. “I was _never_ a player.”

“Sure, you weren’t.” Logan said sarcastically, and Roman stuck his tongue out at him. “Very mature, Roman.”

Roman opened his mouth to protest, but was interrupted by another loud bang as Dorian, supervised by Patton, hit the target, a few inches away from the centre.

“Look, look!” Dorian exclaimed, bouncing up and down on the spot. Patton quickly took the gun from him, to make sure he didn’t accidentally fire it. “I got so close this time!”

“You sure did.” Emile smiled. “Well done.”

***

A few hours later, the family were back home, and everyone but Dorian and Thomas were gathered in the living room, some people on the couches and some on the floor.

“Why’s he taking so long?” Remy complained, sprawled across Roman and Emile’s laps. “It doesn’t take _that_ long to get changed.”

“Give him a break, kiddo.” Patton said. “He’s excited.”

Just as he finished saying that, Thomas appeared at the top of the stairs, grinning down at his family and coughing to get their attention.

“Dor- I mean, the _Baron_ is ready.” He announced, and everyone turned to face him, sitting up straighter in anticipation.

Thomas stepped to the side, and Dorian bounded down the stairs, dressed in his new Baron outfit, with his matching mask, too, and a toy pistol in his holster – though it would obviously be replaced by a real one when the time came. He’d also added a dark green cape to make himself look more like a superhero. It all fit like a glove. Thomas followed his little brother down the stairs, smiling proudly.

“How do I look?” He beamed, twirling around on the spot when he reached the bottom of the stairs.

“Aww, you look amazing!” Patton cooed, jumping up from the sofa and picking Dorian up in a big hug.

“You really do, you’ll fit right in.” Hart added, and his husband nodded in agreement.

“We’ve already chosen your first target, too.” Brian said, quickly continuing at Logan and Virgil’s warning looks. “Not for right now, don’t worry. It can wait as long as you need, until you’re ready.”

“Who is it? Who is it?” Dorian jumped out of Patton’s bear-hug and ran up to his uncles. “What did they do? How would you like me to kill them?”

Brian looked back down at his phone, scrolling and tapping at a few things before turning the screen to face Dorian.

“His name is Adam Stevenson, and he may not be a bank robber, like you wanted, but he is a thief, and he stole a few very valuable things from one of our clients, so she wants him dead, but she’s willing to wait, as long as he suffers.”

Dorian peered closer at the screen looking over the grey-haired man whose face was on the screen.

“He lives a few hours away, so I’m hoping you and maybe Remy and Roman will go over to his house and kill him. You can choose the method, we don’t need any organs, but our client wants his head as proof of the murder, so try and bring that back in one piece.” Brian finished, and Dorian looked back up at him with bright eyes.

“He looks like a supervillain!” Dorian exclaimed, beaming.

Roman came up behind him and put his hand on his shoulder. “And you’re gonna defeat him like a superhero, after you finish your training, of course.”

“I can’t wait!”


	32. Epilogue

Adam Stevenson clicked the lock into place and whistled merrily as he headed home. It’d been a fine day of work, as far as he was concerned. A few people were a bit upset at his high prices and tendency to _borrow_ from his clients, but how else was he supposed to make a profit and skim the top off all his sales?

Honestly, people never seemed to take that into consideration.

His whistling shifted into gentle humming as he turned down an alleyway. It was a bit dark and little dangerous, what with the Prince and his followers still at large, but he didn’t care much. As far as Adam was concerned, he was untouchable.

No one knew about the less-than-moral things he did, except for the people he did it to, of course, but he’d scared them all into silence. Besides, it wasn’t like most of it was up the Prince’s alley for victims anyway. He’d never really harassed anyone: not in the way that led to death-by-sword, at least.

Adam snickered at his own pun – ‘up the Prince’s alley,’ he was such a genius – and twisted his keys between his fingertips.

A small, answering giggle sounded behind him. Adam paused mid-step, turning cautiously. The alley behind him was empty. He shrugged, and continued walking.

The giggle sounded again, though this time from ahead of him. Adam squinted into the darkness. “Hello?”

The giggler giggled again, this time from above and far, far more sinister sounding, seeming almost like the laughter of a child from a horror movie.

Adam swallowed nervously. “If this is some kind of prank or intimidation tactic, I won’t be fooled. I can and will sue you, you know!”

The giggle morphed into a full-blown laugh, high pitched and coming from everywhere now, echoing against the brick walls of the alleyway.

Adam felt his blood turn into ice in his veins. He inhaled sharply as something dropped from above. It was a small child-like figure, cloaked in darkness with their face covered and only two sharp blades visible, gleaming in the darkness, one in each hand.

“Are you Adam Stevenson?” The high-pitched voice asked playfully.

“Wh-” Adam hesitated. “Who wants to know?”

“Oh, goody!” The figure bounced cheerfully. “I was hoping I got the right one! It would have been such a shame if I hadn’t.”

The figure shifted a little, moving quickly.

And then suddenly there was a knife in Adam’s leg.

He screamed, everything under his knee practically lighting on fire. He fell to the ground, desperately clutching his leg. Blood, slick and hot, ran through his fingers and he started trembling.

The figure skipped up to him merrily, coming into the light. It was a small child dressed in a green and silver prince costume, with a mask on his face and more weapons on his belt. His cape fluttered happily as he skipped up to Adam.

He knelt down to look him in the face, smiling widely.

“I found you!” He cried happily. “I did it all by myself. Pop and Father _have_ to let me help now. I’m all ready, after all. I only had a little help from Uncle Heart!”

“Wha-What are you talking about?” Adam gasped.

The kid hushed him, putting a gloved finger to his lips.

“It’s not nice to interrupt.”

“It’s also not nice to put a _knife_ in someone’s _leg_!” Adam exclaimed indignantly.

The kid hummed thoughtfully. “That’s true, but only when the person with the leg is a nice person. And you haven’t been a nice person at all, Mr. Stevenson.”

He tapped Adam’s nose and straightened. “You’ve been very very yucky. And we did give you a chance to change while I was learning but Uncle Brain says you just got worse. But, since this is my first time, I’ll let you pick.”

He moved his cape back, revealing a gun, more knives, a small dagger, and several oddly-colored vials.

“How do you want to die, Mr. Stevenson?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry guys!! This isn't the end of Blood Guts and Gore!!! The sequel's coming soon <3 - Izzy


End file.
